Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Coming Apart At The Seams!

I am. Literally.

There is a problem with having major abdominal surgery. They have to cut through muscle and other internal offal. It takes time to heal. In the case of the Rectus Abdominis Muscle it can take two years to heal. That is the muscle that turns into a six pack. Mine's not going to. I have had a cold and cough for the last 5 days. So there I was on Sunday, gasing for air whilst coughing when I suddenly thought, "Hello, that doesn't feel right!". I developed a slight bulge on the left hand side of my stomach. Not a problem, if I didn't look I couldn't see it. So last night it started to hurt. Not much, but a bit like indigestion. This morning I thoought I better let the doctor have a look at it. She did. For about 2 seconds.

I've coughed myself into a hernia!

The area where they cut through for the operation in March has given way under the pressure of coughing, a problem that is not uncommon in post abdominal surgical patients, although I could see in her eyes that she was trying hard to find a way to introduce lardarse into the conversation as well.

And the answer is..... do nothing or have another little op. I'm going to opt for doing nothing for the time being. Well, that's not quite true. I'm not sure my adonis-like physique has been improved by an extra bulge, so I think it's time to actually go on the diet that I keep threatening. As soon as I've finished the half eaten packet of choccie biscuits and the bag of chocolate eclairs.

Part of me wishes it had happened during a bout of jollity. I would much rather report that I actually split my sides laughing.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Dangerous Work

I bought my poppy the other day. The nice lady got the poppy and the pin and put it on for me.

"I'm sorry" she said "I have to stick it on for you cos health and safety insist we do it"

"Why's that?" I asked

"In case you hurt yourself with the pin and sue me!" She replied. Eyes rolling.

So I am buying a poppy to remember all those who have gone to war and died to give me freedom and I'm not to be trusted with a pin!