Blogging Up The Works

Monday, June 04, 2018

Banal Blogathon 4

 

Keys. 
We have loads of them. 
That's only one board. 
We have another. 
And that's before all our personal keys. 
And all the ones in various drawers to go with houses we lived in previously. 
Or cars owned 30 years ago.
Keys of every description.
Probably.

Now you can get doors that open with an app on your phone. 
How good is that going to be!?!?!
Until your battery goes flat.
And your charger is indoors.
Behind the keyless door.


Sunday, June 03, 2018

Banal Blogathon 3

We have a cat.

A cat that does this.


It really isn't helpful when you are trying to work on a laptop.

She knows numerous shortcuts.

She knows how to turn the screen so it reads sideways. Or sometimes back to front.

This takes her a matter of seconds and me a matter of hours to fix it.

Sometimes she decides it is better if she decides to sit right in front of my face rather than on the keyboard. Usually with her backside towards me, which isn't the best view.

Which reminds me of the Kenn Dodd joke bout the man who invented cat's eyes.

So he is driving along one day and sees a cat in his headlights, he notices how reflective they are and he goes back to his workshop. He makes these cat's eyes for the ministry of transport and they take them on as a safety feature. It's funny how things work out. If the cat had been facing the other way he'd have invented the pencil sharpener!

Saturday, June 02, 2018

Banal Blogathon 2

Wall art. What's all that about?

Of course we know what it is all about. There has been a trend of decorating the walls of ones house throughout the ages. The Romans had their murals, later we had wall hangings and tapestries. By the 16th and 17th centuries paintings were the big thing. Now for some reason we have decided to adorn our walls with bits of twisted metal.

This photo shows two panel that adorn our lounge wall. I have no idea what they are meant to represent. Are they planets? Perhaps they are the bubbles in a glass of our local tipple Blanquette de Limoux. Perhaps they aren't anything but discs for discs sake.

An Old Master can set you back millions, tapestries many thousands but I suspect, even in a couple of hundred years, people won't be queuing up in Antiques Roadshow 2218 with a rare piece of wall art. Assuming there is any left that hasn't rusted away.

Banal Blogathon 1

So here we are back at Bren's June Blogathon contribution - The Banal Blogathon. And I'm late. I suppose I should do a banal post as to my lateness but I wont.

The English word banal comes from the French word banel. Unfortunately, as an object, banal or banel don't exist, so instead I give you ........

BANANAS!

I like a banana, with custard, ice cream, perhaps in a sandwich. The problem is I like a slightly under ripe banana and I can't get them in France. In fact I can't get a decent banana for love nor money. The French prefer wherever possible to use home grown produce or something from a French colony. Unfortunately it would appear none of the French colonies were banana growing ones. Sometimes if we are really unlucky we have some grown in France. They shouldn't bother.

It drives me bananas!

Thursday, March 01, 2018

It Pays to Check

I needed to go out and buy some grub screws today. My French may be improving but not to the standard that I can name all types of ironmongery available. So time to call in the help of an online translator.

English  -  Grub Screw
French  -  Vis a Ver

OK. Vis is often the basis of any type of screw so thought there was a good chance for once it might be right. Still, one can never be quite sure so when in doubt, reverse translate.

French  -  Vis a Ver
English  -  Fuck of Worm

Probably as well I didn't ask anyone!

Friday, February 23, 2018

Memory Lane

Tonight Mathew, I am watching the Old Grey Whistle Test.

Not a great lover of rock music or prog rock or anything much when I was a teenager but I used to watch this. Mainly I suspect so I knew what everyone else was talking about. Indeed, Danny Baker is saying much the same thing at this very minute.

Good old Whispering Bob Harris. He managed to make it exciting and secretive, being part of this special world of bands. Bands that weren't going to appear on TOTP, or very few of them.

I suspect many watching tonight wish they would bring it back.

But they won't. Who needs a program where people can actually play musical instruments, can sing in tune without autotune and don't have a "journey" with which to draw in the public. Just groups of musicians sitting around making music. How the hell is Simon Cowell going to make a fortune with that!

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Good Vibrations

I have a strange disease. I don't know whether it is known to the medical community or not. I have decided to call it mobile leg.

I keep my mobiles in my right trouser pocket. I have for years. But I have noticed over the last year or so that sometimes it feels like my phone is vibrating for an incoming call. When my phone isn't in my pocket. Which is weird. And my left leg never does it.

Have my leg muscles learnt to vibrate? Should I accept things as they are but panic if it starts to play a ringtone? Is a leg vibrating whilst driving against the law? Do I have to give my leg back at the end of the contract?

Come on medical world. It's all very well curing the common cold etcetera but this is what people* are demanding a cure for!


* People may in fact just be one person in this instance.


Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Work Overload

It is of course our slow time of year. And it will continue to be so. But I am about to have 6 weeks of work to do at home.

My mother has come back with me from the UK to stay for 6 or so weeks. This spells trouble. Not because she is any trouble per se, You couldn't have a nicer house guest, but last year Marj discovered a secret. Having spent months trying to get me to put shelves up, curtain rails et al, she mentioned to my mum she was still waiting. My mother turned round every couple of days to ask if I'd done such and such. She then proceeded to suggest I get off my back side and do it. So I did.

Marj was astonished at how I just went and did things at her suggestion when she was hitting her head against a brick wall. As Mum said, "because I'm his mother". This year she has made a bit of a list so my mother can get me to do them during her stay.

Today we met a couple of friends and I was telling the husband the story and my mum was there, before we got to the very end he said "because it's your mum!".

Us boys are very well trained as far as our mothers are concerned!