I've been to

Paris for the last three days. That's probably 5 days of my February posts sorted once I've written them. Huzzah!

Masher's Marathon

I know you won't be able to contain your excitement but for February I will be joining young Masher in his efforts to blog a post every day. An exercise I like to think of as The Masher Marathon. That's 29 posts. It's taken me since Christmas Day to have made the 29 previous posts. That would be impressive except we're talking Christmas Day 2010. An astonishingly prolific 2.2 posts a month. I may be up against it!

The Agony & The Ecstasy 2

Actually on this occasion it's mainly just the agony. I've been quiet recently, not for my usual reason of not being arsed, but because I've been in hospital again. What should have been a quick one day op to repair a hernia turned into a three day stay. My half hour op took three hours. The good news was that they were still able to carry out the repair as keyhole surgery. Not the usual 2 holes, on this occasion there are 9, plus an extra one for a drain. A few more and I could have become the Human Advent Calender. Anyway, the pain is slowly subsiding thanks to Mr Co-Codamol and Mr Ibuprofen. The ecstasy would technically have been my birthday on Tuesday although for me it's another agony. Most people get angsty with the big birthdays, those that end in "0". They never bother me. For most of the previous year people are saying, "so, ?0 next" and by the time you get there you're used to it. The ones that get me are the ones ending in 5. And that's one I've just had. So as of 1.47pm on Tuesday I became nearer 60 than 50. How did that happen? I coped well with 30 and 40, I wasn't even too phased by 50,but 60? 60! I mean, that's old people! So there we are, hurtling towards 60 and held together with sellotape!

The Agony and The Ecstacy

I was impressed when a group of 5 girls from our local secondary school walked along talking about the use of the word scrutiny. That's quite an impressive word for these here parts. It all went downhill though when they then had to have a long and non-decisive conversation as to whether you spelt it with a "c" or a "k"!

Morals

I upgraded my phone yesterday. It's a smartphone and no doubt smarter than me so with luck I'll have worked out how to use it by the time it's upgraded again in two years time. However, that information is by the by. Whilst waiting for the guy in 3 to do things very slowly I read some of the advertising around the walls. Each snippet was to tell you some of the things you could do with the phone such as "why not take photo's of colleagues at work". Wow, that's cutting edge! Anyway, the one that interested me was to do with internet access, the last suggestion being "and maybe get a bit of help with the pub quiz". Now, I've done enough quizzes over the years to know there have always been people who will cheat. Perhaps nip out to the gents and phone a friend but this is the first time I've seen something blatantly enticing people to cheat. What will they advertise next? Why not video someone entering the combination into a security door? Why not photo somebody's signature so you can copy it? OK. Cheating at a pub quiz is hardly the biggest crime in the world but the principle is just plain wrong. Many people enjoy doing them and want to pit their wits against other humans, not the internet. We do internet quizzes when we want to do that. But it does fit in with the general idea these days that you shouldn't do anything too taxing when there is a way to get it done for you. I devise quizzes as well and am having to change the way questions are formed in order to stop searches on phones. Gone are the days when "what is the capital of Gambia" can be posed. Nowadays you have to use 3 part comparative questions such as " what is the connection between the European Anthem, a large St Bernard and a political history by Esteban Buch"? The answer being Beethoven but google is not good at finding the comparison between three things quickly enough. Maybe it's just me being an old codger again but it just seems that's another, if very tiny nail, in the moral standing of the modern society.

Treading the Boards

Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be Elisha Whitney from Anything Goes! And every night till Saturday. Plus a Saturday matinee. And I'm knackered already.

What would happen if..... Number 1

There was the usual report in the paper this week of a criminal who can't be sent back to his homeland because he would be in danger of torture and thus to do so would infringe his human rights. I'm not too sure if anyone would be that upset as he was one of the bombers from the 7/7 London attacks. However, that aside, I was wondering what exactly would happen if, having won a case to say he can't be sent back under the Human Rights Act, what would actually happen if we did? What penalties would await us? You see, I don't actually think anything would happen. I would much rather live in a country that repatriated murderers to their homeland, even if they were going to be tortured, than live in one that said everyone can stay here regardless of their crimes and set ourselves up to be the laughing stock of the international community.

No Vegans

were hurt in the making of this product.

Saying of the Day.

Never frown. You don't know who is falling in love with your smile.

Modern Life

You know the youth of today are getting lazy when they need a battery operated eraser. I mean, how much energy is required to move your hand a short distance left and right?

I have been to the land of the Phillistines......

....and returned. Unscathed.

So back now from North Wales.

The Good and Bad Points

BAD:

All road signs written in two languages: Somewhat caught between two stools as it would be a disaster to just use Welsh. No-one would know what the hell was going on. Can't just use English otherwise it dilutes the Welshness of the country. The result is you have half the time to read everything you normally would as you search for the English bit.

Lack of mobile signal: Well, I suppose when you are on holiday this isn't really the biggest crime that could be committed, but it must be a pain if you live there.

GOOD:

For once, the weather: About half a days rain over a 10 day period. Unheard of!

The roads: In better condition generally than those in the South East. Then again, a track up the side of Snowdon would probably win on that count.

Think Bike!: Except in Wales all the posters are aimed at the motorcyclists responsibility to think car and look after their own safety.

Litter: There was very little. Even in the seaside towns we visited we hadn't realised how clean the streets were until we saw some litter and realised that was the first lot we'd seen. No wading through pizza and burger boxes for the residents of Conwy.

So, in conclusion, Wales has finally grown on me. I shal still make it the butt of some humour when I am there, and the weather is one of the big keys to enjoying the place, but there is quite a lot right with the area.

London slips further down the league tables of civilised societies!

Welsh for Beginners

I am presently holidaying in North Wales. In fact I've been here for a week already. I am slowly learning Welsh.

Ysgol = School
Slow = Araf
Hen Golwyn = Old Colwyn
Dim Palmant = No Footpath
Rhybudd Talu Cosb = Penalty Charge Notice

That last one has cost me £35 to learn. And there weren't any Dim Parcio signs to be seen!

In The Know

I just used what I have decided is an oxymoron.

The towie cognescenti.

I reckon there's a good chance that those who know what towie is, probably don't know what cognescenti means.

Now, I'm pretty sure which side most of my readers fall, so for your edification, towie = The Only Way Is Essex.

A bit worrying that I knew that though.

Welcome

If you've popped over from todays blog by Diamond Geezer, Hello! But I shan't be detaining you long.

It started in Greese.

Overheard by M today on the bus home.

Young Lad (approx 21) to two youngsters, (about 12)

YL - Guess what I'm doing next summer. It begins with an L.

2Y - Dunno. Is it some sport?

YL - Yeah sort of, I'm going to the Lympics!

1 of 2Y - It don't start with an L! It isn't the Lympics. It's the Alympics, it starts with an A!!!

M decided not to try and correct them, it seemed like rather too much energy for too little gain.

Can't even think of a title for this post. Well, I can but they are too lighthearted and despite there never being an occasion I can't joke about, this is actually one.

Had a letter today from The Royal Marsden to say my chief surgeon, Tim Christmas, has died after a short illness. It feels like he has saved so many peoples lives that the pay-off was his. Totally illogical, but he is a big loss to the world of cancer surgery.

Never Knowingly Over-intelligent.

I don't know why we do it, but we do.

We don't watch that many reality tv programmes but we decided to watch Popstar to Operastar. It was interesting because Clare from Steps turns out to be pretty good. The problem is, it was the semi-fianls and the great British public had the vote.

So Clare, having knocked out the Queen of the Night aria form The Magic Flute, and damned well considering how long they've been doing this sort of singing, managed to be voted off in favour of Joe McEldery, winner of X Factor and bugger all else since then, who has yet to actually sing anything in the slightest bit of an operatic nature, apart from Nessun Dorma, which in the intro he thought was an opera, not an aria. Still, at least that puts him on a level with Opera Barbie, (Katherine Jenkins, the "Opera Star" who has never sung in an opera), one of the judges, who will no doubt go on to have a duets album with him after he wins next week by singing the famous Italian Aria Shaddapa Your Face.

I'm off for a lie down!

Light as a feather!

Well, maybe not quite, but my "slowest diet in the world" regimen is working, if slowly. I have gone sub-17 stone for the first time in 10 years. Another 9 pounds and I'll hit my first target of my cruising weight of 16st 3lb. Hopefully make it to there over the summer. That'll make my walking weekend in October a little bit more comfortble.

Jacqui

So today we say goodbye to Jacqui.

Jacqui who I met in 1981 at a party along with someone I knew from scouts. Little did I know then they were to become mine and Lindas best friends.

Jacqui, whom we were with when she found her wedding dress.

Jacqui, whose mum made my snooker table birthday cake for my 30th birthday.

Jacqui who was my confidante, and I hers, during our late 30s and early 40s.

Jacqui whom we went to hospital with the day she found out she had a brain tumour.

Jacqui who went through the operation but was never quite the same.

Jacqui whom we saw less of because Linda's lifestyle change meant we didn't really see them anymore.

Jacqui, who in the last two years became iller.

Jacqui, who 2 weeks ago finally succombed to her illness and has gone to be with her dad.

Bye Jacqui. Love you.

Are London Price too high?

So, if you had quarter of a million to spend, a 2 bedroom flat on an estate in Osterley or a 7 bedroom 18th Century house in France.

Of course, the tennis court does need resurfacing!