End of 2009

Well, unless anything momentous happens in the next 24 hours that's another year done and dusted. It's been a strange one. Most people seem to want to see the back of it. If there's something I wish I could have next year, apart from the obvious "lots of money" answer, it's energy.

I feel always to be tired. Don't know whether it's been worse since my op or I've just noticed it more. I went for 15 years without a proper holiday and survived it, but not going on one this year seems to have taken it's toll.

So whilst I'm on handing our gifts here's a few for my most loyal readers.

Elle - To have some respite from her illness so she can have a sustained period of feeling good.

Graybo - continued success with his business plus some of those items he's been coveting over the last 12 months.

Masher - The chance to fit another holiday in to his work schedule. I reckon you only got 15 trips away this year and that left you with a fortnight without going away at all at one point! :)

AJ - To manage to find a way to go back to University yet again. This working lark has never really suited you. :)

DG - And probably the biggest wish of all. That he could have his mum back.

Enjoy your plans for the New Year. I wonder what it has in store?

The Child In All Of Us

I am organising a concert for one of my opera groups. It's non-opera and one of the songs I have chosen is "Teddy Bears Picnic".

All amateur arts groups have those who take themselves too seriously and there is a great deal of pleasure in wathching them sing childrens songs whilst trying to remain aloof.

In general though, there are few amongst us who aren't cheered by a chorus or two of Teddy Bear. Reliving our youth is an important thing to do. Particularly at times of stress. They say that you can reduce a roomfull of 50 year old men to tears by playing the theme from Listen With Mother.

I suggest you stop whatever you are doing right now and sing s song from your childhood, perhaps Nellie the Elephant? And if your boss complains make them join in too!

Never-ending Work

Will my present job in Tooting never end! I have a client who's complaining about the time and money involved but then keeps adding more bits in.

At least I have a day off tomorrow cos I've got a hospital appointment.

Against All Odds.

I was told that getting my sort of cancer was around the same odds as winning the Euromillions. Yes, thanks God, next time could I have the 90 millions please! :)

Now, with all the Belle De Jour press stuff going on we know she is a "cancer specalist". What are the odds that when they sent my nadger away for "a cancer specialist" to biopsy, it was her.

Wonderful, not only have I missed a payday but there is now a possibility that whilst Belle De Jour was fondling my nether regions I was 100 miles away down the M4!

Sound the all clear!

Saw my consultant today. They have checked my most recent bloods and the CT scan and I am now clear of cancer.

I do however have to consider having a major operation. I am clear of visible cancer cells but there is a possibility that the tumour seeded into my abdominal lymph nodes. The choice is, have the lymph nodes removed just in case or avoid the op and take a chance they don't become cancerous. I see the surgeons in the next two weeks to discuss. My consultant tells me that sertoli cell tumours are so rare there is no textbook treatment therefore they might recommend but it has to be my decision. The world's leading sertoli cell specialist is at Charing Cross, even he will not come down one way or the other as to the decision.

The operation means I will be in hospital for a week and recuperating for a minimum of 8 weeks. So, a fortnight of pondering and fact finding, but not a fortnight of living with cancer.

I'm lucky.

Into the Unknown

Firstly, Patience went well, good reviews and a highly enjoyable time for the cast and also the audience according to feedback.

But whilst all that was going on I've been having hospital appointments. I need to apologise here to AJ who I saw Saturday but couldn't tell about this as my mum was nearby and I didn't want her to overhear.

Last friday I was given the result of my recent opertion. I had a sertoli cell tumour. Somewhat rare. It was malignant. So, I had cancer but do I have it still?

Now I have another round of appointments starting tomorrow at which I will have a CT scan. Never had one so it will be interesting. By Friday I'll know whether it spread or not and what they propose to do as I will almose definitely be having an operation either to remove or to prevent any spread from now.

Yhe only people I have told are Marj, obviously, a friend at opera who asked how I was and has prostate cancer, and Marj has told Anne, our friend. After that, it's you lot. Once i have my final results on Friday or whenever, then I start telling family and wider circle of friends. I'm not bothered about telling anyone now except my mum. Not a conversation I hope I have to have. It'll be hard enough telling her it went well as she'll only worry for ever more. Indeed, the thought has just occurred as to whether I should tell her at all if I'm clear. Not sure. I probably will have to tell my brother if I find out that there could be a genetic link.

Anyway, what I'm waffling on towards is the fact that if I am still playing host to cancer then I am going to start a blog that deals only with that.

In the meantime, once the shock had worn off and I'd told Marj, I'm in good spirits. I'm not the first to face this nor will I be the last, so onwards and upwards.

We open in Venice....

Well, not exactly, nor do we go on to Verona or Girona.

It is however show night. 5 performances in 4 days of Gilbert & Sullivans Patience. I'm playing Major Murgatroyd, my first solo role. A lot of singing, a lot of choreography, anf for the rest of the week, not a lot of sleep.

Expect things to be as quiet as normal around here.

Astral Breakdown

Science test at Ms school yesterday.

Question: Why do astronauts at the space station need to do weightlifting?

Young girls answer : They need to be strong in case the space station breaks down and they have to bump start it or push it back.

And now for something completely different....

40 years ago yesterday a new programme took to the airwaves. It consumed our playtime talk and like many people across the country led to an astonishing amount of re-enacments of "the Parrot Sketch", "The Lumberjack Song", "The Ministry of Silly Walks" and others.

Monty Pythons Flying Circus was here.

I'd like to say I was there at the beginning but I wasn't. It took a couple of weeks of playground talk before I got to see it. And of course it wasn't simple even then. Those were the days when you didn't have a television in your bedroom. I had to negiotiate being allowed to have that programme on, and not just that but negotiate an extension to bedtime to see it all. I was 12. 12 years olds in 1969 didn't stay up half the night looking at the internet, they went to bed at a sensible time, particularly on school nights.

But I did see most of them first time round. My mum, grandma and auntie couldn't make head nor tail of it, which of course was only right, and thought it was a load of rubbish. Then one of Terry Gilliams animations came on, a pair of airmen I think it was with legs that whirled round and round as a song was being played, They laughed hysterically. They still thought the rest of it was rubbish but it did give me leverage to tune in every week and subject them to the rest of it.

No-one who was around then can possibly mention spam without either singing the spam song or listing the menu items from the sketch. You can imagine how confusing it's all become for us with junk e-mails then!

Going to Extra Time

Went back to hospital yesterday for the histology report following my opertion.

I now know I had a tumour. The problem is they don't know whether it was benign or malignant as apparently. and how typical of me, I had to have a tumour unlike any other they've seen before. So, it has been sent for further tests to a specialist medical laboratory. No-one, including me, seems to be worried as I have no other markers for cancer so I have a 5 week wait until the final result is in.

One thing that did happen whilst I was waiting to go in was a woman turned up for an appointment. The receptionist checked and said she had no trace of an appointment. They checked and rechecked. Eventually, a passing nurse said "Is this to do with headaches that you have?". "Yes" said the woman. "You need Neurology, not Urology!" came the reply. Let's hope she ends up with the right surgeons!

A Novel Idea

Marj is at church this morning and they have a baptism. When i looked at the list and saw the childs name it seemed to me that if ever I was going to write a novel I had the title.

The Baptism of Thomas Tooth

Now all I have to do is come up with about 40,000 words and it's in the bag. But what a great title.

I don't like pain, it hurts!

Not as tired or drowsy today as yesterday but the pain is a little worse as the anaesthetics administered by the hospital finally leave the system. I have three different painkillers in tablet form so I just have to remember in what order and at what time I am meant to take them.

I feel an excel spreadsheet coming on.

Sleeping Beauty

Was released from hospital last night and slept for 15 hours. Pain could be worse, could be better, but despite the forms and being told to bring money, I didn't have to pay for the pain killers so that's one good thing.

Back to sleep again soon i think.

Under the knife.

That's my bag packed, dressing gown, slippers, money for prescription and Paradise News by David Lodge to read whilst I wait. I would have blogged via mobile but they are banned and quite honestly I don't know how I'd have typed in a scream. Had my last food at 7 this morning and only allowed water from now until 11, then nothing.

In 12 hours time I should be back, a few ounces lighter than when I went in.

Hopefully I'll be back online this evening or tomorrow.

Free National Health?

I have my op next Tuesday. I was reminded by them today that if I need painkillers following the op I will need money to get them as I am not exempt from prescription charges. Twelve years ago they were free at discharge. Fine if you've got an ingrowing toenail but surgery where you are out for the count and you are going to have internal and external stitches should at least merit you painkillers for a few days. OK, it's only £7.20 but it sticks a bit in the throat when Labour go on about how they are the champions of the free health service.

How long before this government decide to charge for anaesthetic?

Wet Wales

Is there a wetter place in the UK than North Wales? I can't believe it.

Whilst I haven't spent ages there, possibly 12 days across three seperate visits, I'm not sure there has been a day without rain. Colwyn Bay would have been the venue for this years sea swim had I managed last week to find a half decent day. I'd have settles for cloud cover alone but rain as well wouldn't have made it too enjoyable, although I'm not sure why as I was going to be wet anyway.

I must have a search for old tourist posters of LLandudno. I'm assuming they say something like "Come to Llandudno, We have cloud, and rain on the hour, every hour."

Whether the proximity of Snowdonia causes the problem I'm not sure, but it has confirmed my suspicion that we would have been better off withou Wales and then when I lived in Birmingham it would only have been a short drive to the coast.

Back from the dead

Hurrah! I have a new modem which hopefully works now as my other decided to die a death. And not a moment too soon, I'm in hospital next Tuesday and the thought of a weeks or two's recuperation without access to the internet would have been unbearable. It was bad enough last week when I was in North Wales and couldn't connect for 3 days!

Dreadful postings wil now be resumed!

What a rare flower I am!

Woo Hoo!

I have a condition that is so rare that the urologist I saw today hasn't actually seen a case in his 37 year career. Not only that, there is a chance that I have a variation that make it even rarer!

Swine Flu? I spit on your swine flu!

Missing in action.

Long time no hear! There is an excuse though. For the last two or three weeks I have been suffering from a condition which has caused a certain part of me to swell up where no man wishes to swell up. And it's B painful! I'm on 7 lots of painkillers a day and it's still painful although there is a chance that I have got a secondary infection which is helping the pain along. Lots of hospital appointments plus operation to come.

Anyway, enough of that. There have been a acouple of things in the news I just wanted to comment on.

1) With the passing of Henry Allingham and Harry Patch I finally accept that WW1 is history. Now there is no-one left to tell the tale whose own eyes saw the horrors that faced both the British and Allied troops and the German troops as well. Harry was very strong in pointing out both sides lost good men and it was a tragedy for the entire generation of all the conbatant countries. Rest well with your fallen comrades, they have waited a long time for you to join them.

2) Harriet Harman is an idiot. I don't suppose for a minute that will be greeted as breaking news! Last week she was on about making sure there is always a woman in the top two positions in the labour party. When is she and the rest of the equality ilk going to fall off there high horse and realise there is only one criteria for getting a job and that is being the best candidate. No-one ever posed the question to her I wish they'd asked. Here it is;

Your 6 year old child suffers a major heart attack with a rare condition. Magda Yacoub, acknowledged leading heart expert, is unavailable to operate but luckily there are two other surgeons available. His number 2 is ready to go into theatre and peform an operation he has seen done on a few occasions, assisted in occasionally and knows he can manage. The other choice is a female heart surgeon, very good in her own right and destined to possibly be a top heart surgeon in a few years. She could operate but has only seen the operation once or twice and has never assisted. who are you going to choose. The best available heart surgeon or the woman to promote equality?

I'm sure I'd be hearing the cry that that is different. Yes it is. If you choose the wrong surgeon you have only affected your own family anf friends. If you insist on promoting somone on the grounds of sex, colour or creed just to even up the numbers in politics you are affecting 60 million of us.

I have no problem with women in power. I have had women bosses, I think Margaret Thatcher was a good PM, I don't even mind women earning more than men in a field. I just want the best person to get the job!

Right, off to take more tablets!

Remembered - Neville Bower

The man above was my hero. He had been a concert pianist and became a respected composer and between those two events he spent somt time teaching music in schools and I was very lucky to have been at one of those schools.

His concert days had been foreshortened by a car crash which had left him unable to use his left arm to the standards required, particularly by him. I suspect this interim period was a time when he was unhappy and unfulfilled but his influence on me, and I suspect many others, carries on today.

My love of music comes from his teaching. The fact I have returned to singing this late in my life is because of him. Whenever I have played that old dinner party game "would you rather be deaf or blind" I always choose blind as I cannot conceive being in a world where I can't hear music. There has probably not been a year gone by in the last 40 where his name hasn't cropped up on many more than one occasion.

How often have I thought about contacting him to thank him, I had an e-mail address,
but I never did as I suspect that it would have reminded him of a time when he wasn't at his happiest. If I had tried during his illness with cancer and not received a reply I would have been selfish in being upset as I wouldn't have known then that he was ill. So I'm glad I didn't try even though i'll never get the chance to tell him what a great man he was.

It is 40 years ago this year since I had my first performance with the school choir, it was Handels Messiah. I have been toying with joining a local choir who are performing it this December. I think I should get off my a*** and go perform it, not just becuase I like the piece, but in memory of him and as a thankyou for giving me something that has stayed with me since the first days I met him.

Obfuscation.

I have just appealed a parking ticket and in a succintly worded paragraph or two have used the phrase "normal convention" and the words, "pertaining, signage, obfuscation and rescind".

Rather pleasing.

The Difference Between Men and Women

Getting to know you.

Nicked from YS.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 7.00 a.m. and will again tomorrow but after that Marj is on holiday so the alarm can stay off.

2. How do you like your steak? Usually ask for medium rare but it rarely arrives like it.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Hmm? it was the one that jack Nicholson was in and Leo di Caprio playing gangsters. Can't remember the name though.

4. What is your favorite TV show? At the moment, "A Place in the Sun. Home or Away".

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Somewhere in the Beziers/Narbonne/Sete area of Southern France.

6. What did you have for breakfast? All Day Breakfast Wedge from Tescos.

7. What is your favorite food? Sausage, mash & beans. And I'm having it this evening.

8. What foods do you dislike? Cheese, I'm allergic. And I don't like nuts.

9. Favorite Place to Eat? Nash's Tudor Fish Restaurant in Leeds because 1) it means I'm in Leeds, and 2) it's like visiting the 1950s whih I suspect is when most of the waitresses started working there.

10. Favorite dressing? Tomato Sauce or Salad Cream. You can keep all your fancy balsamic vinegar crap.

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? Presently a Peugeot 406TD. It's due it's MOT next week so the answer may well change when I see how much needs doing to it.

12. What are your favorite clothes? My dinner suit. For once I look almost debinnaire and also it means I must be somewhere enjoying myself.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? British Columbia.

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Half full, mostly.

15. Where would you want to retire? See Q5.

16. Favorite time of day? The moment I get into bed and I'm horizontal.

17. Where were you born? Otley, but actually lived in Leeds. The maternity hospitals in Leeds were full. Obviously there must have been a lot of naughtiness going on in Leeds in March 1956.

18. What is your favorite sport to watch? Golf.

19. Who do you think will not tag you back? Anyone cos I nicked this meme

20. Person you expect to tag you back first? Ditto

22. Bird watcher? Not really.

23. Are you a morning person or a night person? I used to be a morning person except when I went to Birmingham when I became a night person. Now I need my mornings late and my night early so I'm pretty much left with being an afternoon person.

24. Do you have any pets? No.

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? I've got cold sores. Well, things are a little slow in West London at the moment!

26. What did you want to be when you were little? A train driver. Not very original.

27. What is your best childhood memory? A holiday round Europe for three weeks when I was 11.

28. Are you a cat or dog person? Marginally dog.

29. Are you married? Not now.

30. Always wear your seat belt? Yes, except when I forget.

31. Been in a car accident? Nothing major, touch wood.

32. Any pet peeves? Don't begin to get me started! Well, lets start with people who don't understand the rules of priority at roundabouts!

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? Rather partial to Pizza Huts Vegetarian Hot One.

34. Favorite Flower? Not sure I have one.

35. Favorite ice cream? Coconut, or proper toffee

36. Favorite fast food restaurant? McDonalds, but mainly because they produce the best Diet Coke on a hot day.

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? 0, passed first time.

38. From whom did you get your last email? Some Casino site which was all in German.

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Ha ha ha. You find me a company that will give me a credit card and I'll take you shopping.

40. Do anything spontaneous lately? Did this meme.

41. Like your job? Some days, some days not. Then again, I ought to try and define exactly what my job is.

42. Broccoli? Yes, don't mind the stuff.

43. What was your favorite vacation? South of France two years back. At last I've found somewhere I want to be.

44. Last person you went out to dinner with? The Magnificent Marj round to friends last night. An impromptu very hot chilli.

45. What are you listening to right now? The television in the background.

46. What is your favorite color? Purple and all shades thereof.

47. How many tattoos do you have? None whatsoever. Never wanted any, although if I did it would be the logos of all the companies I have worked for as a form of branding.

48. How many are you tagging for this quiz? None

49 What time did you finish this quiz? Just after answering the next question.

50. Coffee Drinker? Only very rarely and usually alcohol has preceded it in quite large quantites.

40 years ago today....

Up I got in the middle of the night and trooped down to the living room. My dad was there already watching the grainy pictures being broadcast. I laid down on the settee and not long after my mum padded down the stairs.

"You're looking like a hamster this morning!" she said.

I went and looked in my bedroom mirror and she was right. I was a hamster personified.

40 years ago today I had mumps.

Oh, and some bloke was bouncing around on the moon or something.

Laid Back Learning

Just dropped M off for a day of teaching the little darlings at school. Hopefully, just like the governments advert for tachers at the moment, just when she needs something, it will appear miraculously on the active white board.

The school is baking at the moment in this heat. The only room with air-conditioning is the ICT suite. We were remembering back to our days when during the summer we would have lessons outside if it got too hot to be inside. At my infant/junior school we had a big playing field so each class could de-camp into a different part and not disturb the others. That was one of the advantages of book learning. We had the option to take a book outside, you can't be doing that with technology based learning.

Of course, the other reason you probably can't do it now is in case the children are exposed to the sun.

Oh dear. I'm off into "things were better in my day" mode again.

Swimhiking

On Countryfile tonight they had an article about Swimhiking. Quite fancy this. I prefer the swimming bit to the hiking but unfortunately it all seems to be round the Lake District at the moment. I'll keep an eye our for the future.

French Travels

A nice day yesterday in France, or 5 hours at least. Although I prefer the south of the country near Beziers even Pas-de-Calais has it's delights. And despite the chance of getting the Brits across for second homes the house prices are still good.
For instance, the photo shows a 5 bedroom property for sale at less than the cost of our two bedroom flat in Isleworth. You can get another 4 bedroom in the loft if you want to convert it. And there's 80mtrs of river frontage if you fancy the idea. £200k goes a long way just the other side of the channel. And taxes for the year are under £1,000 per annum, £400 less than our council tax.

Oh, and I was good, I had the baguette but not the vin rouge.

It's a Shutterlanche!

I am making a very quick visit to France tomorrow. I'll be in the country for about three and a half hours then back again. There is a place near Calais that has an admirble array of window shutters. More than a young man can even dream of, and therefore I'm off for a look. I dare say there'll be time for a baguette and a vin rouge though.

Banking on a Winner

Following yet another disagreement between myself and Lloyds TSB I have moved the company accounts over to Barclays. And I am greatly impressed with everything that Barclays are doing! They are damned efficient, respond to queries, have polite and helpful call centre staff, and their on-line banking system security is great. My business manager has probably done more to help me in the last 3 weeks than the other lot managed in 9 years.

For me to think any bank is good takes a great deal of effort on their part. I hope they can keep it up.

Another CD for the Vault

There are CDs you know you shoulf have because they were given critical acclaim but you never get round to buying them because there's something more urgent to buy when payday comes round. However, thanks to Sainsburys knocking it out for £6 in their sale I now have Raising Sand by Robert Plant and Alison Krauss.

Not being a fan of Led Zeppelin I don't have a working knowledge of Plant but Krauss I do know if only in passing listen to country.

Only listened through once but I suspect I'll be transferring a number of tracks on to my personal favourite track list.

I'll not do a full review because music is so personal a thing that one mans Meatloaf is another mans Poison Ivy but I should think that most people with a wide listening knowledge will like it.

Maskerade

Yes, I have spelt that right.

I went to see an "am dram" production of Terry Pratchets Maskerade this weekend that had some friends in it. They were brilliant and so was the production. If ever you see it on in your area get a ticket. You'll have a thoroughly enjoyable night out.

Capital Sums

I heard on the news a few weeks back that the population of London was now only 52% British according to the Office of National Statistics. For their purposes British would include all residents with British Nationality despite colour and place of birth. Thought I'd just mention that in case anyone thought they were extrapolating figures of just "white born here" residents.

This lead me to wonder, if you took out the Scots and Welsh from those figures as, although they have London as their capital for British purposes, they don't for National purposes, does that drop the London population to less than 50% English? And if so, is London the only capital in the world with less than 50% residency of it's own nationals? I've been wondering but don't know where to check it.

The Elephant in the Room

The BNP have made further inroads into the UK political scene. I think there are a number of reasons.

Firstly, everyone seems to be running round blaming MPs expenses as a strong reason why people have placed their cross against the BNP candidate, but I think they are wrong. I don't believe the BNP would be the party of choice per se for that protest vote.

One thing that the BNP have managed to do recently is to market themselves better than previously and it shows in the fact that their literature tends to give them a better face. They could do even better if they didn't occasionally have a spokesman go into rant mode. This is a lesson that their opposition should learn. If the BNP can show themselves to be more acceptable, their detractors need to put up a better attack than "Don't vote for them, they are evil and rascist!". That is a statement, not an argument. The problem is that this will just incite some to vote for the BNP out of sheer cussedness as they won't be told what to do.


This morning a Tory MP was saying that the public do have concerns about immigration and they need to be proplerly addressed. That is correct but who is going to tackle it. To even discuss that there might be a problem with immigration is to invite a charge of rascism against you.

For the past five and a half months I have been sorting my ex-girlfriends benefits out, the last 8 weeks concentrating mainly on trying to get her housing benefit sorted. As always in these situations you chat to people in the queues. I met a guy last week, probably in his 70s, white, dressed in blazer and tie. He told me he had been trying to get some housing benfit but it was hard going, not just in the form filling etcetera but because he really didn't want to be doing this. He had been paying his way for all his adult life and to ask for a handout was shame for him. A couple of places ahead of us a newly arrived resident to the area was with an interpreter as they spoke no English. They asked for a housing benefit form, and then when they were given it asked for two more as their cousins needed it as well. Now, how should that old guy deal with the situation? Be told to toughen up as he is entitled to his benefits and it's his own fault if he doesn't claim them? Be proud to live in a country that invites people in and lets them receive benefits virtually from day 1 despite never contributing to the country or even speaking the language? I have no idea what way he votes obviously, but I can see how the BNP might just appeal to people in his position.

For myself, I doubt I could ever vote for the BNP but then the only party I've ever said I would never vote for was the Labout Party. This is why the BNP have a chance to make huge inroads into the voting publics psyche with the correct marketing. Don't expect them to go away soon, they are the elephant in the room.

Holding up a mirror.

Congratulations to the psychiatrist who was on the BBC 10 o'clock news tonight.

Talking about Susan Boyle he talked about her and then explained why talent/reality programmes deliberately choose weird, dysfunctional, ugly, eccentric people - "because unfortunatley (turns to camera and points at it), those are the people you want to watch!"

If only they'd have let him finish with "perhaps it's not Susan Boyle who needs help, perhaps it's the audience that 120 years ago would have flocked to see a Victorian Freak Show"

I dare say he's in for some flak from some members of the public.

Fings Ain't Wot They Used To Be.

I spent a pleasant couple of hours this afternoon down Nostalgia Street with my good friend A.J. And, as he reminded me, we are but a short time away from having known each other 50 years, man and boy. And in fact incredibly young boys. And Hello dear boy should you finally find your way to this online tome.

We partook of a small libation at a hostelry in Ealing and gazed out upon the rolling plain of Ealing Green and our old school beyond. Not that it is a school now. In fact very little is the same here since we left 35 years ago. A wander up the high street from what was the Queen Vic reveals just 1 shop that is the same as it was then, and even then I'm not sure it was there. Crispins Wine Bar was definitely around but might have been up near The Mall. No more Martins the Newsagent where we would rush to get to our Rhubarb and Custards and our Kola Kubes, sherbert pips and Jubblys on a summers afternoon. No more Beggars Banquet record store which excelled itself a few years later by playing Ivor Bigguns Winkers Song (Misprint), at full volume over the external loud speaker.

No, Ealing isn't what it used to be, but then 35 years on, neither are we.

Misleading & Suspicious

Following M&S being caught out over their Scottish Salmon by giving it a bogus name it's interesting to see the new 125th Anniversary advert. Interesting and annoying from my point of view. I can spot three things that are either misleading or suspicious.

1) In the opening scene a loveable cockney barrow boy says hello to Twiggy. He was well travelled for the 1880s as their original Penny Stall was in Leeds! I hate the idea that anything that has ever happened in England can only have happened in London.

2) They claim that they introduced the Avocado Pear. Interestingly so do Sainsburys in their 140th anniversary advert. Sainsburys however have given the year they did it. Who knows, but I'm leaning towards Sainsburys with M&Ss record.

3) Claiming they introduced proper bra fitting service. Quite possibly they were the first high street chain to do so because at the time they were probably were the only high street underwear retailer. Of course, retailers of ladies foundation garments had been measuring ladies lumps and bumps well before that. Even today their measuring service is fine for fitting their own bras but isn't right for giving a lady her correct sizing for the "real" market.

Has anyone else spotted any other untruths?

Classical Brits

Decided last night to watch the Classical Brits 2009 as there wasn't anything else on worth watching.

Oh dear!

Nothing wrong with the actual awards thmselves which, from the nominations I could see, went to decent singers/composers/conductors. The dire bit was the between award entertainment.

Item 1) Tyrell. Nice enought girl. Actually saw her on the reality show that found her and had a good voice. She's been "marketed". She sang a song. basically lyrics over The Blue Danube Waltz, which of course Strauss hadn't lyricised, whilst she wa backed bysome dancers doing faux ballet without getting anywhere nearer than you or I might if we jumped about a bit with our arms out and kicking.

Item 2) Placido Domingo & Opera Barbie (TM Gert {just in case she reads this]) Placido, what are you doing, you don't need to perform with Katherine Jenkins just because someone tells you she's popular. You are light years in advance of her and your help and support would probably be much better used to support an actual opera singer not someone who calls herself that even though she has never sung in an opera.

Item 3) Alison Bolsom. Young trumpet player who can ctually do what she is meant to do particularly well. Someone should have told her though that her dress didn't do her any favours. Blonde, nice figure, but clingy dresses dont work if you want to move the way Alison does in performance.

Item 4) The Priests. It would be easy to diss them but they are genuine. They are Priests and they sing religious music. Not quite my cup of tea but at least they aren't covering Take That tunes or something. It would have bee nice if they were allowed to sing something other than Ave Maria though.

Item 5) Herbie Hancock & Lang Lang. Intersting mix. They played Gershwins Rhapsody in Blue. Lang Lang, who is a brilliant pianist looked a bit out of sorts but Herbie Hancock was a revelation. So well known for his popular music that, even though this wasn't what you'd call straight classical, he was much better than I would have thought as most "crossover acts" whichever direction tend not quite to work but he's on the button.

Item 6) Jonas Baufmann? I missed his name because I slipped out of the room for a couple of minutes. Good singer but the choice of Donna e mobile was pandering to lowest common denominator.

Item 7) Opera Barbie. Again! If she sang "send your daughter to the slaughter" it wouldn't make her a heavy metal artist!

Item 8) Jose Carreras. Getting the lifetime achievement award and then performing. He has sung 60 full operas and recorded 50 of them. There Katherine, that's an opera singer. He was also described as singing from The Classical repertoire. Now, if KJ claimed herself as doing that then perhaps she wouldn't get such "bad press" from within the opera world. Jose also managed to get some feeling into his piece where KJ doesn't. Maybe that's why she doesn't do opera. You need to act and be expressive as well as singing.

So, on reflection, good in parts. Generally, good meant the real classical musicians and the rest were there to entice a public who would be unlikely to watch anyway. Still, perhaps next year "The hairy Angel" will top the bill. I'm sure Simon Cowell would be pleased to do for classical music what he's done for pop, as long as he's paid enough.

Driving Miss Lillibet

One of the things about living on a main arterial road into Central London is that we quite often have outriders stopping traffic and letting some VIP through Sometimes I have soft fruit in the car in case it's Gordon Brown but mainly it's a President or Prime Minister of a country we are presently trying to woo. Occasionally though it's a membe of The Royal Family.

As I'm a Royalist I'm quite pleased to see them but especially if it's the Queen. And yesterday it was, on her way to Kew Gardens to celebrate the 250th anniversary. I'v seen her a few times before in the Royal Queenmobile but yesterday was the first time I'd seen her looking so happy. Maybe she was looking forward to the visit, maybe Prince Philip had just cracked some joke sat next to her, maybe she was just feeling happy in the pink outfit with matching hat she was wearing?

A couple of minutes delay and we were off. And for once I didn't ming being delayed because it was HM and I'd much rather that then be delayed as normal by idiots who don't know how to negotiate a set of traffic lights with a filter!

Ungrateful gratitude.

I recently auditioned for a lead role in Gilbert & Sullivan's Patience. I got one, but not the one I was after. It's a fine line between being fed up 'cos I didn't get the part I really wanted and being grateful I at least got a lead role even if it's a lesser one.

Bees are Buzzing

Well done The Bees

It's a Miracle.

There will be more news shortly but someone I know has opened a can of prunes and has found a "siamese prune". Is this the first case of conjoined prunes known to man? Tomorrow I shall take pictures and we may attempt to seperate them. Will there be a conjoined stone? Will both halves survive?

Try not to get over excited with the anticipation!

Back of Beyond

Just to let you know I'm in Wales. North Wales. Bloody big hill behind the house North Wales. Bloody big hill behind the house that stops any mobile signal for calls or internet access North Wales.

Back to civilisation at the weekend.

Gone but not forgotten.

I managed to resist the urge to comment about Jade Goody's death until today. I ignored the hourly bulletins on the stste of her health. I've managed to avoid the posts on even the Screwfix forums, though why big butch builders are so distressed lord knows. But the new edition of OK is the straw that breaks the Kennamatics back.

Apart from fronting it in black as a sign of mourning, the head caption is " a nation mourns for it's brightest star".

Good grief. (Or bad grief depending on your outlook).

If all the people who are sending letters of condolence, wringing their hands in despair at the loss of someone they didn't know and planning to attend the "private funeral" for which the location has been leaked well in advance so crowds of mourners turn up, I have an idea.

Instead of spending your life worrying about someone who is famous for being famous not being famous any more, why not offer your services to a hospice or hospital to visit patients who are dying of cancer and help actual real people you can make a difference to. Or work for a cancer charity to raise money to help future generations. But then, that's really not what your grieving is about, it's being part of something you see as exciting. Then again, when was reality tv ever meant to put you in touch with reality?

A view with a room.

Have had a quick look at Googles new Street Level facility, (if that's what it's called).

It would just be of passing interest to me except for one thing. If I am going out to see someone's house for shutters, or windows or other stuff for that matter, I can see the house in advance. This gives me the chance to think about it before turning up which in turn means I will be able to give the potential client a better service as I've already "seen" the house.

I shall also check what some of my installations look like where I don't have photos.

Then I can also check roads to decide whether to put leaflets there rather than driving round an area.

Let's hope not too many people delete their properties from view.

Laurel & Hardy!

Spent the last three weeks installing shutters at a house in Wimbledon, which is why I've been so quiet. I don't think I'm cut out for real work!

It all went well except for when my colleague was at the top of the tower scaffold about to hang a shutter. He tipped the shutter the wrong way and the hinge, which at that point is just pushed into it's holder, traced a graceful arc as it descended from top floor height to the top of my head. Ouch! Still, no damage done, the hinge was perfectly fine and usable.

Vocation Vocation Vocation

So the government have decided to fast track teacher training. Many of the present crop of NQTs (Newly Qualified Teachers) that turn up at M's school aren't much good in practical terms. They've been trained in theory but in practice they flounder. Now, the new course is meant to be for high flyers, although it's pretty obvious from part of the announcement that it's seen as a way of getting those made redundant back in to work quickly.

Maybe people don't mind if teachers are underprepared to teach. It's a lot harder than it looks though. But think if the government wanted to fast track doctors? Would you want to go to a doctor who 6 months earlier had been a city trader and had been fast-tracked or someone who had spent the full term training?

The Good Life

I gret you from a pub somewhere near Yeovil where I'm sipping a pint of cider and reading blogs. A reward for driving 250 mile round trip for 20 minutes work.

Banking on disaster

So LloydsTSB have announced the expected losses at HBOS and also mentioned their own profits dropped.

Last week I received a letter from by "Relationship Manager", whatever that is meant to make me feel, saying the bank is concerned to see my turnover has dropped. They also wanted to know if they could do anything to help.

So I ring the woman I am having this relationship with and mentioned that external shutter sales tend to be a bit seasonal. Why does no-one buy there beloved a set of shutters for Christmas? They'd thank you for it, or if not, I would. I also told her the good news that I'd won the big contract down in Yeovil and what potential that gives the company. I also mentioned that it would be a help for the company in these present economic times if we could have an overdraft for the next 8 weeks of £5000.

She immediately decided the maximum should be £3600. So off she runs to do credit checks etc.

I heard on Friday, dspite the fact that there is a confirmed order from a major Plc which they have seen, an agreement to personal guarantees form me and the other director, who only has a 15% mortgage on a £250k property, and with good credit references coming back, they have decided not to give us the overdraft at this time.

They are willing to consider it again in a few weeks time when the cashflow has picked up, i.e. when we have plenty of money.

Well I'm glad to hear that I am such a bad risk that a bank who bought a £10bn loss, lost 80% of it's profits and 40% of it's share price in one day, is being proppped up by the tax payer and will have to use the governments debt guaratnee scheme, feel I'm the one not to be trusted.

Up On The Roof

Well, not quite, but I've spent most of this week just below the eaves fitting window shutters in Wimbledon.

And now I've just Twittered in a fit of new technologicality or something similar.

When Jargon Goes Wrong

I've just won a contract with a housing association. I was looking at their website and in the last year they have built 800 affordable houses and 100 non-affordable houses!

Non-affordable? They must be £45million per sq inch or something otherwise The Sultan of Brunei could technically afford it.

I know what they mean but to anyone who doesn't understand government speak they must wonder why any builder builds houses no-one can afford to buy.

CPS

Yesterday, we had one of the many legal cases that are surrounding us, and to which I keep alluding. This one was specifically about a threatening message one of Marjs daughters received as part of this series of events. It had been sent through Facebook so the charge was one of "Sending A Message by Electronic Means in Order to Cause Distress or Anxiety".

Firstly, we did win, but considering the CPS had taken on the case and were prosecuting the perputrator, they actually came to court without a hardcopy of the message or the actul correct wording. Luckily, or actually by good planning, we had all our paperwork with us and were therefore able, to the Distric Judges relief, able to supply the neccessary evidence.

How do the CPS get themselves in a situation where they go into court without the evidence? If I was "The Crown", I should want to know!