Food Parcels

I sort of started a diet last week. This morning in the post came a letter from the British Red Cross. I haven't opened it, but I presume it is the arrangements for them to fly food parcels in to me if I start feeling faint.

God bless 'em!

The future isn't Orange.

Not for me anyway.

I decided to set up a wireless network for our machines at home. It has been a nightmare. And all because of Orange. When Marj set up her ISP accont they gave her the username. There is a problem. It is 36 characters long. Most routers, etc, accept only a maximum of 32 charcters. And Orange won't issue her a new username. They accept the only way to overcome the problem is to cancel the contract and take out a new one. So we are. With someone else!

Now we just have to wait while they drag their heels giving us our MAC code. They say 5-7 days. We'll see. It should have been immediate and were at day three and nothing yet. I feel a complaint coming on. And compensation.

The Ends of the Earth.

Off for a week in Colwyn Bay. Looking forward to any few minutes when it isn't raining.

Day Out

I shall be spending the day at Moda UK watching models parade about in skimpy underwear.

There may be photos!

But not for you lot. You perverts!

The Sound of Music

Well, this is something you don't see too often in Surrey.



We were at an anglo-swiss wedding yesterday. As we arrived at the reception we drank Pimms on the lawn and listened to an Alpenhorn. Pretty certain I've not done that before.

Fame & Fortune

I see I am on the radar of the esteemed London Blogger Diamond Geezer. Hello, if you pass this way.

I'm off knocking doors to try find business. This is the least favourite activity of my life but there's a too good incentive to miss for doing so.

Anyway, it's taking my mind off Barclays Bank who up till a month or so ago were fine but in the last month have gone absolutely down the drain. I shan't rant here though, tempting as it might be. All I will say is that now completes my entire list of high street banks who have broken banking law. What is moes worrying is that the people you talk to don't even know that. Computer says "jump". And they do.

Delusions of Grandeur

I'm not sure who are the most delusional. England fans who though w might win the World Cup or the players in post match conferences talking about how they played.

Matthew Upson missed the best chance of the conference when asked "Where do you go from here?" He failed to say "home".

Other great comments were, the ubiquitous, "We have to take the positives from it". And I think it was John Terry who said he thought "I really don't think we have played as badly in this tournment as people have made out." Cue hysterical laughter!

I have an answer. In future the England team should avoid any Premier League player. We should choose a squad of players who in all honesty never expected to play for the country. Would they win? No, of course not, but then could they be any worse, but what you would get is a squad of players who would really give 110% because it would be the highlight of their careers.

And whilst we're changing things, please stop the players being trained in media relations. I'm sick of, "we have to take the positives from this", "our work rate was really good" and "we all gave 110%".

Maybe now we'll stop treating footballers as demi-gods. Particularly Rooney. Well, that's when anyone discovers where he went missing for the last fortnight.

Time Travels

For those of us Leeds United fans of a certain vintage, Rob Greens' blunder on Saturday took us straight back to the days of Gary Sprake.

Black Comedy

I was at a performance of Black Comedy by Peter Schaefer last night. In fact I was at it on Thursday as well because I was helping Front of House.

The play takes place in the 1960s and is a typical farce of people being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The unusual thing about it, or it was for me as I haven't seen it done before in my limited theatrical experience, is that it takes place during a power cut. Well, the main fuse goes. This means that, in order to facilitate the audience, the lighting is in reverse. The ensemble starts in stage darkness and they are thrust into light when the fuse goes. Acting in full light very warily but at the beginning when all is meant to be well, striding round a cluttered stage as though they can see perfectly, seems to be quite difficult acting to keep going for 90 minutes plus. There are times when people strike a match or shine a torch and they go into semi-light. Well done the lighting man who kept pace perfectly.

If you get the chance to see it sometime I'd take it. It's funnier than those comedies that that Shakespeare wrote.

Oh God, It's a Camel.

So, as of a few minutes ago it is a hung Parliament.

Get ready to re-run this in about 6 months time.

Here comes the disappointment for all those who think that a hung Parliament means everyone works alongside each other in harmony and the world gets better and the fairies come out at night and do the housework.

The good news for us though is that Ann Keen has been ousted as our MP. She and her MP husband Alan have been known as Mr & Mrs Expenses for years. He however has held on to his seat in Feltham.

This election has turned out to be a rather unsatisfying feast.

Knife crime.

Just had Hospital Heroes on BBC1. 25% of all trauma admissions at The London Hospital are for knife wounds. Probably a more worrying but more accurate statistic than anything put out by the politicians this week on crime.

Why Stars and Celebrities Aren't The Same Thing.

Last night in Brentford there was a special concert. It was a fund raiser for the local church. These things are normally sparsely attended but last night it was packed. 400 local people came to watch plus a few from further away.

The person performing lives nearby and has done for 25 years. He wanders around the area and drinks in his local and is pretty much left alone, partly because most people are too young to remember him. The age group there last night were the key. Mainly around the 50 mark as his heyday was the late 70s. In fact his three major singles were all in 1979.

The reason so many came out was that just a couple of years later he stopped touring. For 20 years! And he only started touring when he started recording once more a few years back.

For those who remember that era, it was Nick Lowe. (Cruel to be kind : I Love The Sound of Breaking Glass).

And the reason for the title?

He obviously gave his time for free and in return set a few conditions. Not ones you'd normally expect though.
1) Because he knows his concerts have a high demand he only wanted publicity to be kept locally and by word of mouth pretty much. (The tickets still sold out with two weeks to go).
2) The only people to get in free were himself and his wife and kid if they wanted to come. Everyone else in his entourage, manager, two band members and technical people plus close friends, had to buy a ticket. And they did.
4) Tickets were to be kept at an affordable price. They were. Just £12.
3) It was pouring down with rain but 40 minutes before he was due to appear he walked through the door, shook off his umbrella, shook hands with the doorman said hello to the people on the ticket desk and quietly slipped in whilst the support act were playing. No fuss, no melodrama.

He played for just over the hour, a mixture of mainly "new era" songs and a couple of older ones. You could have heard a pin drop. I spoke with the vicar who I know and asked was he working out how to get the church this full on a Sunday? He reckoned he would have to get him to lead the worship. He was doing. Every member of that audience was there to marvel at the man, talented, quiet, unassuming, gentlemanly and a throughly good bloke.

And becaue of this thoroughly nice bloke we reckon the total raised will be about £8000 to keep a couple of the churches community projects running.

Now, that's the difference between a star and a celebrity.

Newark, Newark.

Spending this weekend in Sunny Newark. No, not the New York one, that which is about 130 miles north of here.

Newark holds a place in my heart from my travel as a young child. When we went home to Leeds by tain Newark was one of the landmarks even though it didn't stop there. The Yorkshire Pullman would leave Kings Cross, (books and games out), 1st Stop Peterborough, (The end of the beginning of the journey), pass through Newark slowly, (Well on the way now), stop at Wakefield, (Pack up stuff we're almost there), and finally arrive at the now defunct Leeds Central.

Who knows, I might even do a Diamond Geezer and report on it. But it won't be as good as his are and actually I'm going for Marjs sort of family reunion so I won't see most of Newark anyway. I can almost hear that collective sigh of relief!

All Clear

Come Monday I am going back to work. Gently at first but I need to do something before I die of boredom. Hopefully then there'll be something of interest to blog about as well although I decided I wouldn't bother with "the volcano" and certainly not the election.

So no more medical bulletins unless there's something worth saying.

POSH & BECKS = 22

Perhaps if young people spent more time reading books instead of celebrity magazines they might be able to play Scrabble by the traditional rules.

Little Thing Mean A Lot

We all take our bodies for granted. We do hundreds of little things each day that our bodies carry out and they're gone in a second without a thought. This all changes when anything affects your body be it a stiff neck ot a cut on the finger. An operation just brings more of them.

Each day brings a recovery in an everyday task which has been lost to me over the last few weeks. There have been many in the early days which I won't recount here as I'm sure you won't want to hear about them and their asociated bodily functions but this weekend has seen two milestones restoring comfort to my days and nights.

For three weeks I have had to sleep on my back as it has been too painful to lie on my side. Either of them. But as of Friday it has been possible to finally get 90 degrees round and lie there. It feels a bit funny but it isn't painful and I'll settle for that. The other breakthrough is tht I can now sneeze and cough without it hurting my "war wounds". No longer do I have to try and suppress the tickling in my nose or throat.

Every day now my body is healing faster. Mustn't overdo it. But I quite like keeping a detached eye on it and marvel at what our bodies can do. I sometimes moan about new aches and pains that happen as I get older but it's done a pretty good job for 50+ years and it certainly looks as though it's planning to keep going pretty much on top form for a good number of years yet.

Maybe I won't take my body for granted quite so much in the future. And perhaps I'll give it a helping hand by losing a bit of weight.

Call Me Scarface!

Well, Scartummy actually, but that's hardly the most threatening name.

The staples came out with a bit of a tweak yesterday morning. By the afternoon I was starting to come apart at the seam and the district nurse had to come back and steristrip part of the wound tht had decided to open a bit. At least there's no pain.

Still got a drain in but think that will be out in the next 24 hours or so.

So, on the mend. Although no work for another 4 weeks. And I'm still clutching the physiotherapists list of do's and don'ts which include no housework for 6 weeks!

The Road to Recovery.

Hi all. Surgery went well. Hurrah for mobiles!

T - 7

I've hasd my pre-op assessment and apprently I'm well enough to have my major op. Actually, I'm well enough to do anything so next Wednesday I go into hospital for a week or week and a half. You'll not notice cos I only post every fortnight anyway.

The discussion of my op has somewhat disconcerted me. Not the actual procedure itself but the possible side effects.

Due to the fact someone at some time might get an operation related in-growing toenauil and sue them for millions, you have to be told everything and the odds on it happening. I would rather they hadn't. The cancer I had was 1 in 50,000,000. Rare, but I got it. The chance of death under a general anaesthetic is about 1 in 5,000,000. Very rare, but 10 times more likely than the cancer I did get. I know that's not how it works but just being told on a scale of probable/possible/unlikely/rare would have been enough for me.

Luckily I haven't won the Euromillions otherwise it would be 15 times more likely that the anaesthetic would kill me. For the first time ever I'm glad my numbers haven't come up.

You don't have to be privileged.

There was a report in the papers last week that still 1/3 of our winter olympic team went to private schools. No mention that 2/3rds don't. However, and remember this is nothing to do with jealousy or anything like that, the government want changes made to reduce that 1/3rd even further. I'm not sure that introducing the luge as a sport to the youth of Brixton is going to make much difference though.

Then I was thinking, there is one sport where the government have done bugger all to try and open it up to the other class. Football. How many Premiership footballers went to private school? Why does the Government not do something about that?

It's 2010, and still the Labour party are hung up on "toffs" and the class war.

Now that's what I call snow!

I was watching The Making of Britain or whatever Andrew Marrs programme is called. They were showing the winter of, I think 1947 or 49 when the country ground to a halt. But it was proper snow. Feet of it.

And there were people, out and trying to clear roads, pavements and paths with shovels. making sure life could go on as best as possible even though there were power cuts. And rationing. And still having to go to school. And work.

No Health and Safety there, advising that they would be liable if anyone fell over where they had cleared a path, or that the school would be sued if a child slipped on ice and hurt themselves.

The other week, whilst Brentford laboured under the 1" of snow that fell, at two schools I know all the teachers were in but many pupils were missing. Two of the excuses that came up were;

from 1 girls parent : I didn't know the school was open because you didn't ring to tell us.

From a boy who lives within sight of the playground : I couldn't come in because there was black ice on the pavement.

Meanwhile, my niece flew out of Finland with 5 ft of snow on time, to get to Geneva. Unfortunatley the flight was via Gatwick where they were delayed for 2 hours because there was slush on the runway.

I can't help feeling that we've lost a bit of backbone in the past 60 years. And if we have, who can we sue?

Twisted.

I meant to write about this earlier last year biut I don't think I did. If I did please feel free to ignore, or roundly abuse me, whichever you see fit to do.

I was at my prospective niece-in-laws house and her son had a poster on the wall. It was, I think, a Roy Keane poster from his playing days. The message on it was, "I expect respect and try to give it".

Now, that seems the total opposite to the way I was brought up but does seem to sum up the attitude of many young people. Apart from the fact I think it is worded particularly badly if not ungrammatically, I was brought up to show respect and try to earn it. But that, in general, goes against the grain today, where everyone has the right to everything and no responsibility unless it isn't too much effort.

So expecting everyone to treat you as though you are Gods gift whilst you only need to attempt to give someone else the time of day gives you some idea why teachers have a hard time. And it doesn't help when parents back the kids point of view rather than the teachers.

The Old Routine.

I've been away this last week in the sunny town of Stevenage. Well, actually, not in the town but in the Novotel inches off the A1 junction at Stevenage.

It was a good induction course, partly becuase I remembered quite a lot of it which made me look good, but also because many of the changes the company have made in the way we are meant to work actually suit me.

So i went off this morning on my first appointment. I didn't sell it. It's like I never went away.

Help Your Neighbour.

As we know, during the current cold snowy spell, as the government have told us, it is increasingly important to keep an eye on your neighbours.

Well, the 87 year old woman next door hasn't called on me once to see if I'm alright, and the lazy cow hasn't even taken her milk in for the last 3 days! So much for neighbourliness.

I've Seen The Future and It's The Past

I never lost a company under a Conservative government but have now lost 2 under this Labour lot. In reality, I haven't lost the second but it isn't worth me struggling on. I can't make the income I need as things are.

So, I have made a decision and a couple of phone calls. I have a meeting wih my ex area manager and divisional manager tomorrow, weather permitting. If all goes well, I'm heading back to Everest!

It's 8 years since I left. I took this decision over the weekend and although in general I never ever go backwards this feel right. I'm taking the pressure off myself, going back solely to selling, and, in acknowledgement of my age, realise this is going to be the run in to my retirement if all goes well. Admittedly another 12-15 years but all the same.

So, back to the future!

Lasers at the Ready

Marj was very brave today and went to see about having laser eye surgery. I'm lucky that, apart from starting to need reading glasses for small print my eyesight is pretty good. Or at least I haven't noticed it isn't.

It takes about an hour for various tests to be done and then they have a chat and give you a bit of counselling.

So, what did we learn.

They can correct the need for wearing glasses for long distance and also astigmatism. They can't do anything to help with reading. The former being to do with your eye lenses and the latter to do with your eye muscles.

The actual time with the surgeon is only about 10 minutes, the lasering part only being a matter of a minute or so. And that's for both eyes.

The worst case scenario if things don't go according to plan is that you get an eye infection.

Not as expensive as we thought. For the cost of £1400, bar some loose change, she can expect to have perfect vision except for reading when she will just need over the counter reading glasses. Although as she doesn't need them now she may get away with even that.

Now all she has to do is decide whther she's brave enough to have the procedure.

End of 2009

Well, unless anything momentous happens in the next 24 hours that's another year done and dusted. It's been a strange one. Most people seem to want to see the back of it. If there's something I wish I could have next year, apart from the obvious "lots of money" answer, it's energy.

I feel always to be tired. Don't know whether it's been worse since my op or I've just noticed it more. I went for 15 years without a proper holiday and survived it, but not going on one this year seems to have taken it's toll.

So whilst I'm on handing our gifts here's a few for my most loyal readers.

Elle - To have some respite from her illness so she can have a sustained period of feeling good.

Graybo - continued success with his business plus some of those items he's been coveting over the last 12 months.

Masher - The chance to fit another holiday in to his work schedule. I reckon you only got 15 trips away this year and that left you with a fortnight without going away at all at one point! :)

AJ - To manage to find a way to go back to University yet again. This working lark has never really suited you. :)

DG - And probably the biggest wish of all. That he could have his mum back.

Enjoy your plans for the New Year. I wonder what it has in store?

The Child In All Of Us

I am organising a concert for one of my opera groups. It's non-opera and one of the songs I have chosen is "Teddy Bears Picnic".

All amateur arts groups have those who take themselves too seriously and there is a great deal of pleasure in wathching them sing childrens songs whilst trying to remain aloof.

In general though, there are few amongst us who aren't cheered by a chorus or two of Teddy Bear. Reliving our youth is an important thing to do. Particularly at times of stress. They say that you can reduce a roomfull of 50 year old men to tears by playing the theme from Listen With Mother.

I suggest you stop whatever you are doing right now and sing s song from your childhood, perhaps Nellie the Elephant? And if your boss complains make them join in too!

Never-ending Work

Will my present job in Tooting never end! I have a client who's complaining about the time and money involved but then keeps adding more bits in.

At least I have a day off tomorrow cos I've got a hospital appointment.

Against All Odds.

I was told that getting my sort of cancer was around the same odds as winning the Euromillions. Yes, thanks God, next time could I have the 90 millions please! :)

Now, with all the Belle De Jour press stuff going on we know she is a "cancer specalist". What are the odds that when they sent my nadger away for "a cancer specialist" to biopsy, it was her.

Wonderful, not only have I missed a payday but there is now a possibility that whilst Belle De Jour was fondling my nether regions I was 100 miles away down the M4!

Sound the all clear!

Saw my consultant today. They have checked my most recent bloods and the CT scan and I am now clear of cancer.

I do however have to consider having a major operation. I am clear of visible cancer cells but there is a possibility that the tumour seeded into my abdominal lymph nodes. The choice is, have the lymph nodes removed just in case or avoid the op and take a chance they don't become cancerous. I see the surgeons in the next two weeks to discuss. My consultant tells me that sertoli cell tumours are so rare there is no textbook treatment therefore they might recommend but it has to be my decision. The world's leading sertoli cell specialist is at Charing Cross, even he will not come down one way or the other as to the decision.

The operation means I will be in hospital for a week and recuperating for a minimum of 8 weeks. So, a fortnight of pondering and fact finding, but not a fortnight of living with cancer.

I'm lucky.

Into the Unknown

Firstly, Patience went well, good reviews and a highly enjoyable time for the cast and also the audience according to feedback.

But whilst all that was going on I've been having hospital appointments. I need to apologise here to AJ who I saw Saturday but couldn't tell about this as my mum was nearby and I didn't want her to overhear.

Last friday I was given the result of my recent opertion. I had a sertoli cell tumour. Somewhat rare. It was malignant. So, I had cancer but do I have it still?

Now I have another round of appointments starting tomorrow at which I will have a CT scan. Never had one so it will be interesting. By Friday I'll know whether it spread or not and what they propose to do as I will almose definitely be having an operation either to remove or to prevent any spread from now.

Yhe only people I have told are Marj, obviously, a friend at opera who asked how I was and has prostate cancer, and Marj has told Anne, our friend. After that, it's you lot. Once i have my final results on Friday or whenever, then I start telling family and wider circle of friends. I'm not bothered about telling anyone now except my mum. Not a conversation I hope I have to have. It'll be hard enough telling her it went well as she'll only worry for ever more. Indeed, the thought has just occurred as to whether I should tell her at all if I'm clear. Not sure. I probably will have to tell my brother if I find out that there could be a genetic link.

Anyway, what I'm waffling on towards is the fact that if I am still playing host to cancer then I am going to start a blog that deals only with that.

In the meantime, once the shock had worn off and I'd told Marj, I'm in good spirits. I'm not the first to face this nor will I be the last, so onwards and upwards.

We open in Venice....

Well, not exactly, nor do we go on to Verona or Girona.

It is however show night. 5 performances in 4 days of Gilbert & Sullivans Patience. I'm playing Major Murgatroyd, my first solo role. A lot of singing, a lot of choreography, anf for the rest of the week, not a lot of sleep.

Expect things to be as quiet as normal around here.

Astral Breakdown

Science test at Ms school yesterday.

Question: Why do astronauts at the space station need to do weightlifting?

Young girls answer : They need to be strong in case the space station breaks down and they have to bump start it or push it back.

And now for something completely different....

40 years ago yesterday a new programme took to the airwaves. It consumed our playtime talk and like many people across the country led to an astonishing amount of re-enacments of "the Parrot Sketch", "The Lumberjack Song", "The Ministry of Silly Walks" and others.

Monty Pythons Flying Circus was here.

I'd like to say I was there at the beginning but I wasn't. It took a couple of weeks of playground talk before I got to see it. And of course it wasn't simple even then. Those were the days when you didn't have a television in your bedroom. I had to negiotiate being allowed to have that programme on, and not just that but negotiate an extension to bedtime to see it all. I was 12. 12 years olds in 1969 didn't stay up half the night looking at the internet, they went to bed at a sensible time, particularly on school nights.

But I did see most of them first time round. My mum, grandma and auntie couldn't make head nor tail of it, which of course was only right, and thought it was a load of rubbish. Then one of Terry Gilliams animations came on, a pair of airmen I think it was with legs that whirled round and round as a song was being played, They laughed hysterically. They still thought the rest of it was rubbish but it did give me leverage to tune in every week and subject them to the rest of it.

No-one who was around then can possibly mention spam without either singing the spam song or listing the menu items from the sketch. You can imagine how confusing it's all become for us with junk e-mails then!

Going to Extra Time

Went back to hospital yesterday for the histology report following my opertion.

I now know I had a tumour. The problem is they don't know whether it was benign or malignant as apparently. and how typical of me, I had to have a tumour unlike any other they've seen before. So, it has been sent for further tests to a specialist medical laboratory. No-one, including me, seems to be worried as I have no other markers for cancer so I have a 5 week wait until the final result is in.

One thing that did happen whilst I was waiting to go in was a woman turned up for an appointment. The receptionist checked and said she had no trace of an appointment. They checked and rechecked. Eventually, a passing nurse said "Is this to do with headaches that you have?". "Yes" said the woman. "You need Neurology, not Urology!" came the reply. Let's hope she ends up with the right surgeons!

A Novel Idea

Marj is at church this morning and they have a baptism. When i looked at the list and saw the childs name it seemed to me that if ever I was going to write a novel I had the title.

The Baptism of Thomas Tooth

Now all I have to do is come up with about 40,000 words and it's in the bag. But what a great title.

I don't like pain, it hurts!

Not as tired or drowsy today as yesterday but the pain is a little worse as the anaesthetics administered by the hospital finally leave the system. I have three different painkillers in tablet form so I just have to remember in what order and at what time I am meant to take them.

I feel an excel spreadsheet coming on.

Sleeping Beauty

Was released from hospital last night and slept for 15 hours. Pain could be worse, could be better, but despite the forms and being told to bring money, I didn't have to pay for the pain killers so that's one good thing.

Back to sleep again soon i think.

Under the knife.

That's my bag packed, dressing gown, slippers, money for prescription and Paradise News by David Lodge to read whilst I wait. I would have blogged via mobile but they are banned and quite honestly I don't know how I'd have typed in a scream. Had my last food at 7 this morning and only allowed water from now until 11, then nothing.

In 12 hours time I should be back, a few ounces lighter than when I went in.

Hopefully I'll be back online this evening or tomorrow.

Free National Health?

I have my op next Tuesday. I was reminded by them today that if I need painkillers following the op I will need money to get them as I am not exempt from prescription charges. Twelve years ago they were free at discharge. Fine if you've got an ingrowing toenail but surgery where you are out for the count and you are going to have internal and external stitches should at least merit you painkillers for a few days. OK, it's only £7.20 but it sticks a bit in the throat when Labour go on about how they are the champions of the free health service.

How long before this government decide to charge for anaesthetic?

Wet Wales

Is there a wetter place in the UK than North Wales? I can't believe it.

Whilst I haven't spent ages there, possibly 12 days across three seperate visits, I'm not sure there has been a day without rain. Colwyn Bay would have been the venue for this years sea swim had I managed last week to find a half decent day. I'd have settles for cloud cover alone but rain as well wouldn't have made it too enjoyable, although I'm not sure why as I was going to be wet anyway.

I must have a search for old tourist posters of LLandudno. I'm assuming they say something like "Come to Llandudno, We have cloud, and rain on the hour, every hour."

Whether the proximity of Snowdonia causes the problem I'm not sure, but it has confirmed my suspicion that we would have been better off withou Wales and then when I lived in Birmingham it would only have been a short drive to the coast.

Back from the dead

Hurrah! I have a new modem which hopefully works now as my other decided to die a death. And not a moment too soon, I'm in hospital next Tuesday and the thought of a weeks or two's recuperation without access to the internet would have been unbearable. It was bad enough last week when I was in North Wales and couldn't connect for 3 days!

Dreadful postings wil now be resumed!

What a rare flower I am!

Woo Hoo!

I have a condition that is so rare that the urologist I saw today hasn't actually seen a case in his 37 year career. Not only that, there is a chance that I have a variation that make it even rarer!

Swine Flu? I spit on your swine flu!

Missing in action.

Long time no hear! There is an excuse though. For the last two or three weeks I have been suffering from a condition which has caused a certain part of me to swell up where no man wishes to swell up. And it's B painful! I'm on 7 lots of painkillers a day and it's still painful although there is a chance that I have got a secondary infection which is helping the pain along. Lots of hospital appointments plus operation to come.

Anyway, enough of that. There have been a acouple of things in the news I just wanted to comment on.

1) With the passing of Henry Allingham and Harry Patch I finally accept that WW1 is history. Now there is no-one left to tell the tale whose own eyes saw the horrors that faced both the British and Allied troops and the German troops as well. Harry was very strong in pointing out both sides lost good men and it was a tragedy for the entire generation of all the conbatant countries. Rest well with your fallen comrades, they have waited a long time for you to join them.

2) Harriet Harman is an idiot. I don't suppose for a minute that will be greeted as breaking news! Last week she was on about making sure there is always a woman in the top two positions in the labour party. When is she and the rest of the equality ilk going to fall off there high horse and realise there is only one criteria for getting a job and that is being the best candidate. No-one ever posed the question to her I wish they'd asked. Here it is;

Your 6 year old child suffers a major heart attack with a rare condition. Magda Yacoub, acknowledged leading heart expert, is unavailable to operate but luckily there are two other surgeons available. His number 2 is ready to go into theatre and peform an operation he has seen done on a few occasions, assisted in occasionally and knows he can manage. The other choice is a female heart surgeon, very good in her own right and destined to possibly be a top heart surgeon in a few years. She could operate but has only seen the operation once or twice and has never assisted. who are you going to choose. The best available heart surgeon or the woman to promote equality?

I'm sure I'd be hearing the cry that that is different. Yes it is. If you choose the wrong surgeon you have only affected your own family anf friends. If you insist on promoting somone on the grounds of sex, colour or creed just to even up the numbers in politics you are affecting 60 million of us.

I have no problem with women in power. I have had women bosses, I think Margaret Thatcher was a good PM, I don't even mind women earning more than men in a field. I just want the best person to get the job!

Right, off to take more tablets!

Remembered - Neville Bower

The man above was my hero. He had been a concert pianist and became a respected composer and between those two events he spent somt time teaching music in schools and I was very lucky to have been at one of those schools.

His concert days had been foreshortened by a car crash which had left him unable to use his left arm to the standards required, particularly by him. I suspect this interim period was a time when he was unhappy and unfulfilled but his influence on me, and I suspect many others, carries on today.

My love of music comes from his teaching. The fact I have returned to singing this late in my life is because of him. Whenever I have played that old dinner party game "would you rather be deaf or blind" I always choose blind as I cannot conceive being in a world where I can't hear music. There has probably not been a year gone by in the last 40 where his name hasn't cropped up on many more than one occasion.

How often have I thought about contacting him to thank him, I had an e-mail address,
but I never did as I suspect that it would have reminded him of a time when he wasn't at his happiest. If I had tried during his illness with cancer and not received a reply I would have been selfish in being upset as I wouldn't have known then that he was ill. So I'm glad I didn't try even though i'll never get the chance to tell him what a great man he was.

It is 40 years ago this year since I had my first performance with the school choir, it was Handels Messiah. I have been toying with joining a local choir who are performing it this December. I think I should get off my a*** and go perform it, not just becuase I like the piece, but in memory of him and as a thankyou for giving me something that has stayed with me since the first days I met him.

Obfuscation.

I have just appealed a parking ticket and in a succintly worded paragraph or two have used the phrase "normal convention" and the words, "pertaining, signage, obfuscation and rescind".

Rather pleasing.

The Difference Between Men and Women

Getting to know you.

Nicked from YS.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 7.00 a.m. and will again tomorrow but after that Marj is on holiday so the alarm can stay off.

2. How do you like your steak? Usually ask for medium rare but it rarely arrives like it.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Hmm? it was the one that jack Nicholson was in and Leo di Caprio playing gangsters. Can't remember the name though.

4. What is your favorite TV show? At the moment, "A Place in the Sun. Home or Away".

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Somewhere in the Beziers/Narbonne/Sete area of Southern France.

6. What did you have for breakfast? All Day Breakfast Wedge from Tescos.

7. What is your favorite food? Sausage, mash & beans. And I'm having it this evening.

8. What foods do you dislike? Cheese, I'm allergic. And I don't like nuts.

9. Favorite Place to Eat? Nash's Tudor Fish Restaurant in Leeds because 1) it means I'm in Leeds, and 2) it's like visiting the 1950s whih I suspect is when most of the waitresses started working there.

10. Favorite dressing? Tomato Sauce or Salad Cream. You can keep all your fancy balsamic vinegar crap.

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? Presently a Peugeot 406TD. It's due it's MOT next week so the answer may well change when I see how much needs doing to it.

12. What are your favorite clothes? My dinner suit. For once I look almost debinnaire and also it means I must be somewhere enjoying myself.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? British Columbia.

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Half full, mostly.

15. Where would you want to retire? See Q5.

16. Favorite time of day? The moment I get into bed and I'm horizontal.

17. Where were you born? Otley, but actually lived in Leeds. The maternity hospitals in Leeds were full. Obviously there must have been a lot of naughtiness going on in Leeds in March 1956.

18. What is your favorite sport to watch? Golf.

19. Who do you think will not tag you back? Anyone cos I nicked this meme

20. Person you expect to tag you back first? Ditto

22. Bird watcher? Not really.

23. Are you a morning person or a night person? I used to be a morning person except when I went to Birmingham when I became a night person. Now I need my mornings late and my night early so I'm pretty much left with being an afternoon person.

24. Do you have any pets? No.

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? I've got cold sores. Well, things are a little slow in West London at the moment!

26. What did you want to be when you were little? A train driver. Not very original.

27. What is your best childhood memory? A holiday round Europe for three weeks when I was 11.

28. Are you a cat or dog person? Marginally dog.

29. Are you married? Not now.

30. Always wear your seat belt? Yes, except when I forget.

31. Been in a car accident? Nothing major, touch wood.

32. Any pet peeves? Don't begin to get me started! Well, lets start with people who don't understand the rules of priority at roundabouts!

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? Rather partial to Pizza Huts Vegetarian Hot One.

34. Favorite Flower? Not sure I have one.

35. Favorite ice cream? Coconut, or proper toffee

36. Favorite fast food restaurant? McDonalds, but mainly because they produce the best Diet Coke on a hot day.

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? 0, passed first time.

38. From whom did you get your last email? Some Casino site which was all in German.

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Ha ha ha. You find me a company that will give me a credit card and I'll take you shopping.

40. Do anything spontaneous lately? Did this meme.

41. Like your job? Some days, some days not. Then again, I ought to try and define exactly what my job is.

42. Broccoli? Yes, don't mind the stuff.

43. What was your favorite vacation? South of France two years back. At last I've found somewhere I want to be.

44. Last person you went out to dinner with? The Magnificent Marj round to friends last night. An impromptu very hot chilli.

45. What are you listening to right now? The television in the background.

46. What is your favorite color? Purple and all shades thereof.

47. How many tattoos do you have? None whatsoever. Never wanted any, although if I did it would be the logos of all the companies I have worked for as a form of branding.

48. How many are you tagging for this quiz? None

49 What time did you finish this quiz? Just after answering the next question.

50. Coffee Drinker? Only very rarely and usually alcohol has preceded it in quite large quantites.

40 years ago today....

Up I got in the middle of the night and trooped down to the living room. My dad was there already watching the grainy pictures being broadcast. I laid down on the settee and not long after my mum padded down the stairs.

"You're looking like a hamster this morning!" she said.

I went and looked in my bedroom mirror and she was right. I was a hamster personified.

40 years ago today I had mumps.

Oh, and some bloke was bouncing around on the moon or something.

Laid Back Learning

Just dropped M off for a day of teaching the little darlings at school. Hopefully, just like the governments advert for tachers at the moment, just when she needs something, it will appear miraculously on the active white board.

The school is baking at the moment in this heat. The only room with air-conditioning is the ICT suite. We were remembering back to our days when during the summer we would have lessons outside if it got too hot to be inside. At my infant/junior school we had a big playing field so each class could de-camp into a different part and not disturb the others. That was one of the advantages of book learning. We had the option to take a book outside, you can't be doing that with technology based learning.

Of course, the other reason you probably can't do it now is in case the children are exposed to the sun.

Oh dear. I'm off into "things were better in my day" mode again.

Swimhiking

On Countryfile tonight they had an article about Swimhiking. Quite fancy this. I prefer the swimming bit to the hiking but unfortunately it all seems to be round the Lake District at the moment. I'll keep an eye our for the future.

French Travels

A nice day yesterday in France, or 5 hours at least. Although I prefer the south of the country near Beziers even Pas-de-Calais has it's delights. And despite the chance of getting the Brits across for second homes the house prices are still good.
For instance, the photo shows a 5 bedroom property for sale at less than the cost of our two bedroom flat in Isleworth. You can get another 4 bedroom in the loft if you want to convert it. And there's 80mtrs of river frontage if you fancy the idea. £200k goes a long way just the other side of the channel. And taxes for the year are under £1,000 per annum, £400 less than our council tax.

Oh, and I was good, I had the baguette but not the vin rouge.

It's a Shutterlanche!

I am making a very quick visit to France tomorrow. I'll be in the country for about three and a half hours then back again. There is a place near Calais that has an admirble array of window shutters. More than a young man can even dream of, and therefore I'm off for a look. I dare say there'll be time for a baguette and a vin rouge though.

Banking on a Winner

Following yet another disagreement between myself and Lloyds TSB I have moved the company accounts over to Barclays. And I am greatly impressed with everything that Barclays are doing! They are damned efficient, respond to queries, have polite and helpful call centre staff, and their on-line banking system security is great. My business manager has probably done more to help me in the last 3 weeks than the other lot managed in 9 years.

For me to think any bank is good takes a great deal of effort on their part. I hope they can keep it up.

Another CD for the Vault

There are CDs you know you shoulf have because they were given critical acclaim but you never get round to buying them because there's something more urgent to buy when payday comes round. However, thanks to Sainsburys knocking it out for £6 in their sale I now have Raising Sand by Robert Plant and Alison Krauss.

Not being a fan of Led Zeppelin I don't have a working knowledge of Plant but Krauss I do know if only in passing listen to country.

Only listened through once but I suspect I'll be transferring a number of tracks on to my personal favourite track list.

I'll not do a full review because music is so personal a thing that one mans Meatloaf is another mans Poison Ivy but I should think that most people with a wide listening knowledge will like it.

Maskerade

Yes, I have spelt that right.

I went to see an "am dram" production of Terry Pratchets Maskerade this weekend that had some friends in it. They were brilliant and so was the production. If ever you see it on in your area get a ticket. You'll have a thoroughly enjoyable night out.

Capital Sums

I heard on the news a few weeks back that the population of London was now only 52% British according to the Office of National Statistics. For their purposes British would include all residents with British Nationality despite colour and place of birth. Thought I'd just mention that in case anyone thought they were extrapolating figures of just "white born here" residents.

This lead me to wonder, if you took out the Scots and Welsh from those figures as, although they have London as their capital for British purposes, they don't for National purposes, does that drop the London population to less than 50% English? And if so, is London the only capital in the world with less than 50% residency of it's own nationals? I've been wondering but don't know where to check it.

The Elephant in the Room

The BNP have made further inroads into the UK political scene. I think there are a number of reasons.

Firstly, everyone seems to be running round blaming MPs expenses as a strong reason why people have placed their cross against the BNP candidate, but I think they are wrong. I don't believe the BNP would be the party of choice per se for that protest vote.

One thing that the BNP have managed to do recently is to market themselves better than previously and it shows in the fact that their literature tends to give them a better face. They could do even better if they didn't occasionally have a spokesman go into rant mode. This is a lesson that their opposition should learn. If the BNP can show themselves to be more acceptable, their detractors need to put up a better attack than "Don't vote for them, they are evil and rascist!". That is a statement, not an argument. The problem is that this will just incite some to vote for the BNP out of sheer cussedness as they won't be told what to do.


This morning a Tory MP was saying that the public do have concerns about immigration and they need to be proplerly addressed. That is correct but who is going to tackle it. To even discuss that there might be a problem with immigration is to invite a charge of rascism against you.

For the past five and a half months I have been sorting my ex-girlfriends benefits out, the last 8 weeks concentrating mainly on trying to get her housing benefit sorted. As always in these situations you chat to people in the queues. I met a guy last week, probably in his 70s, white, dressed in blazer and tie. He told me he had been trying to get some housing benfit but it was hard going, not just in the form filling etcetera but because he really didn't want to be doing this. He had been paying his way for all his adult life and to ask for a handout was shame for him. A couple of places ahead of us a newly arrived resident to the area was with an interpreter as they spoke no English. They asked for a housing benefit form, and then when they were given it asked for two more as their cousins needed it as well. Now, how should that old guy deal with the situation? Be told to toughen up as he is entitled to his benefits and it's his own fault if he doesn't claim them? Be proud to live in a country that invites people in and lets them receive benefits virtually from day 1 despite never contributing to the country or even speaking the language? I have no idea what way he votes obviously, but I can see how the BNP might just appeal to people in his position.

For myself, I doubt I could ever vote for the BNP but then the only party I've ever said I would never vote for was the Labout Party. This is why the BNP have a chance to make huge inroads into the voting publics psyche with the correct marketing. Don't expect them to go away soon, they are the elephant in the room.

Holding up a mirror.

Congratulations to the psychiatrist who was on the BBC 10 o'clock news tonight.

Talking about Susan Boyle he talked about her and then explained why talent/reality programmes deliberately choose weird, dysfunctional, ugly, eccentric people - "because unfortunatley (turns to camera and points at it), those are the people you want to watch!"

If only they'd have let him finish with "perhaps it's not Susan Boyle who needs help, perhaps it's the audience that 120 years ago would have flocked to see a Victorian Freak Show"

I dare say he's in for some flak from some members of the public.

Fings Ain't Wot They Used To Be.

I spent a pleasant couple of hours this afternoon down Nostalgia Street with my good friend A.J. And, as he reminded me, we are but a short time away from having known each other 50 years, man and boy. And in fact incredibly young boys. And Hello dear boy should you finally find your way to this online tome.

We partook of a small libation at a hostelry in Ealing and gazed out upon the rolling plain of Ealing Green and our old school beyond. Not that it is a school now. In fact very little is the same here since we left 35 years ago. A wander up the high street from what was the Queen Vic reveals just 1 shop that is the same as it was then, and even then I'm not sure it was there. Crispins Wine Bar was definitely around but might have been up near The Mall. No more Martins the Newsagent where we would rush to get to our Rhubarb and Custards and our Kola Kubes, sherbert pips and Jubblys on a summers afternoon. No more Beggars Banquet record store which excelled itself a few years later by playing Ivor Bigguns Winkers Song (Misprint), at full volume over the external loud speaker.

No, Ealing isn't what it used to be, but then 35 years on, neither are we.

Misleading & Suspicious

Following M&S being caught out over their Scottish Salmon by giving it a bogus name it's interesting to see the new 125th Anniversary advert. Interesting and annoying from my point of view. I can spot three things that are either misleading or suspicious.

1) In the opening scene a loveable cockney barrow boy says hello to Twiggy. He was well travelled for the 1880s as their original Penny Stall was in Leeds! I hate the idea that anything that has ever happened in England can only have happened in London.

2) They claim that they introduced the Avocado Pear. Interestingly so do Sainsburys in their 140th anniversary advert. Sainsburys however have given the year they did it. Who knows, but I'm leaning towards Sainsburys with M&Ss record.

3) Claiming they introduced proper bra fitting service. Quite possibly they were the first high street chain to do so because at the time they were probably were the only high street underwear retailer. Of course, retailers of ladies foundation garments had been measuring ladies lumps and bumps well before that. Even today their measuring service is fine for fitting their own bras but isn't right for giving a lady her correct sizing for the "real" market.

Has anyone else spotted any other untruths?

Classical Brits

Decided last night to watch the Classical Brits 2009 as there wasn't anything else on worth watching.

Oh dear!

Nothing wrong with the actual awards thmselves which, from the nominations I could see, went to decent singers/composers/conductors. The dire bit was the between award entertainment.

Item 1) Tyrell. Nice enought girl. Actually saw her on the reality show that found her and had a good voice. She's been "marketed". She sang a song. basically lyrics over The Blue Danube Waltz, which of course Strauss hadn't lyricised, whilst she wa backed bysome dancers doing faux ballet without getting anywhere nearer than you or I might if we jumped about a bit with our arms out and kicking.

Item 2) Placido Domingo & Opera Barbie (TM Gert {just in case she reads this]) Placido, what are you doing, you don't need to perform with Katherine Jenkins just because someone tells you she's popular. You are light years in advance of her and your help and support would probably be much better used to support an actual opera singer not someone who calls herself that even though she has never sung in an opera.

Item 3) Alison Bolsom. Young trumpet player who can ctually do what she is meant to do particularly well. Someone should have told her though that her dress didn't do her any favours. Blonde, nice figure, but clingy dresses dont work if you want to move the way Alison does in performance.

Item 4) The Priests. It would be easy to diss them but they are genuine. They are Priests and they sing religious music. Not quite my cup of tea but at least they aren't covering Take That tunes or something. It would have bee nice if they were allowed to sing something other than Ave Maria though.

Item 5) Herbie Hancock & Lang Lang. Intersting mix. They played Gershwins Rhapsody in Blue. Lang Lang, who is a brilliant pianist looked a bit out of sorts but Herbie Hancock was a revelation. So well known for his popular music that, even though this wasn't what you'd call straight classical, he was much better than I would have thought as most "crossover acts" whichever direction tend not quite to work but he's on the button.

Item 6) Jonas Baufmann? I missed his name because I slipped out of the room for a couple of minutes. Good singer but the choice of Donna e mobile was pandering to lowest common denominator.

Item 7) Opera Barbie. Again! If she sang "send your daughter to the slaughter" it wouldn't make her a heavy metal artist!

Item 8) Jose Carreras. Getting the lifetime achievement award and then performing. He has sung 60 full operas and recorded 50 of them. There Katherine, that's an opera singer. He was also described as singing from The Classical repertoire. Now, if KJ claimed herself as doing that then perhaps she wouldn't get such "bad press" from within the opera world. Jose also managed to get some feeling into his piece where KJ doesn't. Maybe that's why she doesn't do opera. You need to act and be expressive as well as singing.

So, on reflection, good in parts. Generally, good meant the real classical musicians and the rest were there to entice a public who would be unlikely to watch anyway. Still, perhaps next year "The hairy Angel" will top the bill. I'm sure Simon Cowell would be pleased to do for classical music what he's done for pop, as long as he's paid enough.

Driving Miss Lillibet

One of the things about living on a main arterial road into Central London is that we quite often have outriders stopping traffic and letting some VIP through Sometimes I have soft fruit in the car in case it's Gordon Brown but mainly it's a President or Prime Minister of a country we are presently trying to woo. Occasionally though it's a membe of The Royal Family.

As I'm a Royalist I'm quite pleased to see them but especially if it's the Queen. And yesterday it was, on her way to Kew Gardens to celebrate the 250th anniversary. I'v seen her a few times before in the Royal Queenmobile but yesterday was the first time I'd seen her looking so happy. Maybe she was looking forward to the visit, maybe Prince Philip had just cracked some joke sat next to her, maybe she was just feeling happy in the pink outfit with matching hat she was wearing?

A couple of minutes delay and we were off. And for once I didn't ming being delayed because it was HM and I'd much rather that then be delayed as normal by idiots who don't know how to negotiate a set of traffic lights with a filter!

Ungrateful gratitude.

I recently auditioned for a lead role in Gilbert & Sullivan's Patience. I got one, but not the one I was after. It's a fine line between being fed up 'cos I didn't get the part I really wanted and being grateful I at least got a lead role even if it's a lesser one.

Bees are Buzzing

Well done The Bees

It's a Miracle.

There will be more news shortly but someone I know has opened a can of prunes and has found a "siamese prune". Is this the first case of conjoined prunes known to man? Tomorrow I shall take pictures and we may attempt to seperate them. Will there be a conjoined stone? Will both halves survive?

Try not to get over excited with the anticipation!

Back of Beyond

Just to let you know I'm in Wales. North Wales. Bloody big hill behind the house North Wales. Bloody big hill behind the house that stops any mobile signal for calls or internet access North Wales.

Back to civilisation at the weekend.

Gone but not forgotten.

I managed to resist the urge to comment about Jade Goody's death until today. I ignored the hourly bulletins on the stste of her health. I've managed to avoid the posts on even the Screwfix forums, though why big butch builders are so distressed lord knows. But the new edition of OK is the straw that breaks the Kennamatics back.

Apart from fronting it in black as a sign of mourning, the head caption is " a nation mourns for it's brightest star".

Good grief. (Or bad grief depending on your outlook).

If all the people who are sending letters of condolence, wringing their hands in despair at the loss of someone they didn't know and planning to attend the "private funeral" for which the location has been leaked well in advance so crowds of mourners turn up, I have an idea.

Instead of spending your life worrying about someone who is famous for being famous not being famous any more, why not offer your services to a hospice or hospital to visit patients who are dying of cancer and help actual real people you can make a difference to. Or work for a cancer charity to raise money to help future generations. But then, that's really not what your grieving is about, it's being part of something you see as exciting. Then again, when was reality tv ever meant to put you in touch with reality?

A view with a room.

Have had a quick look at Googles new Street Level facility, (if that's what it's called).

It would just be of passing interest to me except for one thing. If I am going out to see someone's house for shutters, or windows or other stuff for that matter, I can see the house in advance. This gives me the chance to think about it before turning up which in turn means I will be able to give the potential client a better service as I've already "seen" the house.

I shall also check what some of my installations look like where I don't have photos.

Then I can also check roads to decide whether to put leaflets there rather than driving round an area.

Let's hope not too many people delete their properties from view.

Laurel & Hardy!

Spent the last three weeks installing shutters at a house in Wimbledon, which is why I've been so quiet. I don't think I'm cut out for real work!

It all went well except for when my colleague was at the top of the tower scaffold about to hang a shutter. He tipped the shutter the wrong way and the hinge, which at that point is just pushed into it's holder, traced a graceful arc as it descended from top floor height to the top of my head. Ouch! Still, no damage done, the hinge was perfectly fine and usable.

Vocation Vocation Vocation

So the government have decided to fast track teacher training. Many of the present crop of NQTs (Newly Qualified Teachers) that turn up at M's school aren't much good in practical terms. They've been trained in theory but in practice they flounder. Now, the new course is meant to be for high flyers, although it's pretty obvious from part of the announcement that it's seen as a way of getting those made redundant back in to work quickly.

Maybe people don't mind if teachers are underprepared to teach. It's a lot harder than it looks though. But think if the government wanted to fast track doctors? Would you want to go to a doctor who 6 months earlier had been a city trader and had been fast-tracked or someone who had spent the full term training?

The Good Life

I gret you from a pub somewhere near Yeovil where I'm sipping a pint of cider and reading blogs. A reward for driving 250 mile round trip for 20 minutes work.

Banking on disaster

So LloydsTSB have announced the expected losses at HBOS and also mentioned their own profits dropped.

Last week I received a letter from by "Relationship Manager", whatever that is meant to make me feel, saying the bank is concerned to see my turnover has dropped. They also wanted to know if they could do anything to help.

So I ring the woman I am having this relationship with and mentioned that external shutter sales tend to be a bit seasonal. Why does no-one buy there beloved a set of shutters for Christmas? They'd thank you for it, or if not, I would. I also told her the good news that I'd won the big contract down in Yeovil and what potential that gives the company. I also mentioned that it would be a help for the company in these present economic times if we could have an overdraft for the next 8 weeks of £5000.

She immediately decided the maximum should be £3600. So off she runs to do credit checks etc.

I heard on Friday, dspite the fact that there is a confirmed order from a major Plc which they have seen, an agreement to personal guarantees form me and the other director, who only has a 15% mortgage on a £250k property, and with good credit references coming back, they have decided not to give us the overdraft at this time.

They are willing to consider it again in a few weeks time when the cashflow has picked up, i.e. when we have plenty of money.

Well I'm glad to hear that I am such a bad risk that a bank who bought a £10bn loss, lost 80% of it's profits and 40% of it's share price in one day, is being proppped up by the tax payer and will have to use the governments debt guaratnee scheme, feel I'm the one not to be trusted.

Up On The Roof

Well, not quite, but I've spent most of this week just below the eaves fitting window shutters in Wimbledon.

And now I've just Twittered in a fit of new technologicality or something similar.

When Jargon Goes Wrong

I've just won a contract with a housing association. I was looking at their website and in the last year they have built 800 affordable houses and 100 non-affordable houses!

Non-affordable? They must be £45million per sq inch or something otherwise The Sultan of Brunei could technically afford it.

I know what they mean but to anyone who doesn't understand government speak they must wonder why any builder builds houses no-one can afford to buy.

CPS

Yesterday, we had one of the many legal cases that are surrounding us, and to which I keep alluding. This one was specifically about a threatening message one of Marjs daughters received as part of this series of events. It had been sent through Facebook so the charge was one of "Sending A Message by Electronic Means in Order to Cause Distress or Anxiety".

Firstly, we did win, but considering the CPS had taken on the case and were prosecuting the perputrator, they actually came to court without a hardcopy of the message or the actul correct wording. Luckily, or actually by good planning, we had all our paperwork with us and were therefore able, to the Distric Judges relief, able to supply the neccessary evidence.

How do the CPS get themselves in a situation where they go into court without the evidence? If I was "The Crown", I should want to know!

January Jaunt

Tomorrow morning, whilst it's still dark, I'm heading for St Pancras and the Eurostar to Brussels, then onwards to Bruges for three days of revelry.

Chocolate and Stella Artois will probably high on the list of purchases!

Enjoy whatever you do to herald in 2009.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS

but really, you should be doing more exciting things than visiting here.

Marketing - Men & Women

At present, Marj has a new morning routine.

Get up - brush hair - put "hair putty"? into hair to give it that "just got up" look.

Mine.

Get up - Don't brush hair.

We both achieve the same result but I don't spend copious amounts of money on product.

Of course, if it came with buttons to press and flashing lights I probably would.

Open All Hours

Saw a great leaflet for a Take-away food place today.

Open 8pm till 4am, 24/7!

Nope, that would be 8/7 but top marks for trying.

Watching the Detectives.

I may have mantioned before that I'm somewhat in agreement with Jeremy Clarkson that if you have been burgled, the police can't get you for any motoring offences until they've solved your crime first. If only!

Certainly in London, and I suspect most other places in the UK, if you get burgled you can forget any idea of the perputrators being caught. Last time we were burgled they took Marjs' car. After 6 months the police had failed to find it, despite the fact it was sat on a public road unmoving since the day it was taken. It was eventually discovered by The DVLA 48 hours after the tax ran out which explains a great deal about the art of "detection" around here these days.

Once upon a time the glamorous "copper" was The Detective. He would be faced with a crime and would gnaw away at the details until, using little more that his "Coppers Nose" and the odd hunch, he would track down and arrest the guilty party. Now, I suspect, little real Detection goes on. I still can't go into details about a case we're involved with as it is still sub-judice, but I can tell you that at the original incident, Police failed to find any witnesses whereas we were able to give them 6 seperate names and adresses within 48 hours by going out and asking a few questions. I wonder how Sherlock Holmes would have operated these days......

WATSON: So Holmes, what crime did you solve today.

HOLMES: Ah, My dear Watson, I like to think of it as The Sound of The Baskervilles.

WATSON: Why, what do you mean?

HOLMES: I was walking along to my local opium den when I spotted a road with, and be prepared for a terrible shock Watson, no speed camera for almost 400 yeards!

(Watson screams, and lies down upon the chaise longue with an attack of the vapours.)

HOLMES: Almost immediately I recognised the engine sound of a 1996 Ford Orion with the note pitched perfectly on D#. As you may well know, at 30 mph the engine should have been no higher than C#! I immediately threw myself in front of the car which, upon it's finally stopping some 15 feet after it had run me over, I bound to the drivers door and arrested it's owner, a Mr J Baskerville, for driving at 34mph in a 30 mph zone. I hied both myself and the miscreant straight to Scotland Yard and thus another dangerous criminal has been dealt the severe punishment of 3 points on his licence and a £50 fine. Indeed Watson, fetch me my Stradivarius violin and I shall re-enact the very notation that caused me to apprehend the aformentioned felon.

WATSON: I'm sorry Holmes, during your abscence you were burgled.

HOLMES: Oh, Bugger!

Flu-ness

I have been laid up with flu. Quite useful though as I've discovered that flu stops you worrying about other stuff as your body puts all it's energy into coughing and sweating.

Not sure how I got it though. I know of nobody else who has it or shown symptoms. In fact, the only contact with flu I have had is by listening to The Archers every day. I think I've caught flu via the airwaves.

Ivor the Engine runs out of steam.

Sad news. The death of Oliver Postgate

As a child, Ivor the Engine was a favourite programme, along with Gerry Andersons Supercar. As an adult I finally got into The Clangers. I found the spoken bit at the beginning of ech episode, musing on life on other planets rather moving.

Nocturnal Greetings

I greet you, dear reader, at ten to one in the morning.

It's not that I can't sleep, I wish I was in bed this very minute, but I'm about to take a trip. To Heathrow.

Now, if this was half as good a blog as I wish it was, I would then be boarding a plane to climb to the top of Machu Pichu or whatever it's called. Instead I am going to Heathrow to pick up my dad and step-mum as they return from Cyprus where they have been enjoying temperatures between 22 and 32 degrees over the last three weeks. I think they may find the UK a little chilly at the moment!

Their plane was due 8:45 this last evening but has been getting steadily later until it's ETA is now 01:36. By the time they've trundled through customs/passport control/sheep dip, then dropped me back home, I'll not see my bed much before 3am. Better than them though as they are driving straight from here to Norfolk, so it'll be breakfast time when they reach home.

I always start my day with a reading of those blogs I cannot live without, but there'll be no need for you to rush to post tomorrow, I don't suppose I'll be reading much before mid-day.

Let the Show Begin

Well, thst's all the rehearsing done. 5 performances over the next 4 days. Methinks I'm going to be pretty knackered by Sunday.

Just a few things to do:

Try and learn the words to Act 2
Apply make-up in a way that doesn't make me look like Julian Clary
Kepp tights pulled up so I don't look like Nora Batty

Ah, the smell of the crowd, the roar of the greasepaint!

Remembrance

Come this day annually I tend to remember my maternal grandfather who was wounded on The Somme and lived till 1965 with a metal plate in his head following a shrapnel wound and breathing difficulties after a mustard gas attack.

A relative I tend to overlook is my Great Uncle Sam on my fathers side, who didn't make it.

Thanks to The Commonwealth War Graves Commission he, and many thousand others, are resting and remembered.

And for those who don't normally read Diamond Geezer, todays post is particularly fine.

Incredibly busy painting Gondoliers poles. No, I haven't moved to Venice, it's because next week I'm performing this and I've roped myself into providing props!

Anastacia est mort

It is with regret I announce the passing of Anastacia, spinster hamster of this parish. She died yesterday in the night, which of course is our day, of unknown causes.

She is today lying in state at the family home where a short burial and commemmoration service will take place some time around 6 this evening.

The family have requested no sunflower seeds.

Blackpool Beware

Come Friday it's the annual trip to Blackpool!

I would say, "Lock Up Your Daughters", but at my age it's more, lock up your mothers, or if you're a particularly young blogger, your Grandmothers!

Better Than You

One of the things that irritates me, (OMG, not another! I hear you cry!!) is people who park where they shouldn't. But even more specifically than parking in disabled spaces or on double yellow lines.

My real bugbear is at our local Tescos. At the end of each row of parking lanes is a hatched area. This helps people move from row to row without having to be in the roadway. Nearly every day there is someone parked in one of them. And it's nearly always a Merc driver. It doesn't have to be a busy day, there are usually plenty of spaces within two rows or so, but they seem unable to use the same spaces the rest of us park in with consumate ease.

Yesterday however, they excelled themselves. Five of the hatched boxes were occupied. Two by Mercs, two by BMWs and one by a land rover. Strange that, all five cars are "upmarket". They obviously feel the need to prove they are above other mere drivers in common cars by parking in "special" spaces. Or of course, all the disabled spaces may have ben full which is where they normally head to first!

I've heard the excuse about needing more door room for getting out but most of the time you are only 5 rows from the main entrance and there are no other cars there, so even if you do think that is an excuse, it gets shot to pieces. It's just rudeness.

Cat's In The Cradle

I hear via my stepmum that her and my father are taking a trip to Cyprus, as they do each year, but this is likely to be the last. His health is deteriorating at a reasonable pace and flights and manoverability are beginning to be a problem.

This leads me on to having to think about the los of my father, not imminently, but in a forseeable future. The loss of my mother, when it should happen, will be devastating to me. I find it hard even to contemplate such an event. But as I am sure I have blogged previously, my father and I aren't particularly close. A situation and relationship best summed up in the lyrics of Harry Chapin's song referred to in the title of this post, although I suspect that it is unfair on my father.

I can't see how I will react. I'll be sad, but then I was sad when one of my oldest friends father died. I just can't see me feeling worsed than that. I guess I'll have to wait and see.

C'Mon Lewis

Well, despite the sledging by his opponents, Lewis Hamilton got his 10 points for this race. Good on him. Ferrari are no doubt going to do their Man Utd act and claim how there were a number of incidents which hapened, all of which went against them. And Massa managed a wonderful second place when his team mate managed to slow down enought for him to finally catch up and overtake. And I thought team orders had been outlawed.

Lewis just has to make sure he gets pole position as I suspect if he isn't in front there will be manouvers to block him in, or even worse, someone will contrive to have a bump with him just to take him out.

Not that I'm cynical of course.

Dismissal Downside

One of the worst bit's of running your own company is having to sack people, although in my case it's more just not using someone again as they are legally a sub-contractor.

I have someone who I have used a few times, is damned good at what he does, but unfortunately it would appear has light fingers.

A laptop went missing from a job he was working on. He was sort of in the frame but so were too many other people. Now news reaches me that would boost him up to 95% certain to have done it. He won't admit it of course, as he's not admitted to some other stuff on another job being down to him, which it was, bang to rights. I really don't want it to be him as I want to help him get established in his own right as he hasn't had the easiest life up until now, but he has to help himself. And not just to other peoples goods!

It's sad, and I'll have to discuss it with Marj as she is co-director, but I think the writings on the wall for him.

And as this is my blog and thus everything has to be about me, I now have to find someone else who can do the work I had lined up for him and that isn't going to be easy.

When is a meeting not a meeting?

I was in Sainsburys this morning when there was a staff announcement....

Could all department managers go to,,,,,, for this mornings huddle.

A morning huddle?

I assume this is a meeting where everyone stands round and just gets told the orders of the day. Fair enough. But letting your customers know you are having " a huddle" just makes you sound like a bunch of idiots.

Of course, it could be worse, I might have misheard and they were all off for their morning cuddle!!!!

New Technology - Ancient User

I have a Tom Tom. A navigation system rather than a small drum. And damned useful it has been over the year I've been using it. So to celebrate it's first birthday, in addition to the speed safety camera package I've also taken the traffic package.

I have a bluetooth phone, and it can find the tom tom when it trawls the ether looking for something. All I have to do is to enter the correct code. But which code? The tomtom device code doesn't seem to do the trick whatever form I enter it in, so is it a differnt code, like a pin number, that came with it. Or is it some code that my phone came with that needs to be entered although that wasn't the case with my handsfree earpiece.

The answer is probably quite straightforward but I seem to be in a position where I start ringing the helplines at £4000 per second or whatever they cost, and probably with someone on the other end who doesn't speak english that well.

I might fiddle with it a bit more first. I hate ringing helplines.

Great Myths of my Childhood

1) That the bump in the tarmac over the bolts that held down a bench in our school playground were in fact an earthquake.

2) The handles on the front of steam locomotives that held the door shut were in fact the hands of a clock.

3) Ladies got pregnant by drinking wee.

4) Robert Wiles mum was 116 years old.

I was only about 6-7 at the time though!

View to a Killing

I've done a few market research interviews over the last few years for which you get paid a little and have been signed up to a new agency. This thursday I'm doing an hour interview for which I get paid £40.00.

Now, if only I could get 5 of those a day for a whole year I'd be quite happy!

Celebrity Cancer.

News came out over the wekend that Wendy Richards has cancer. Not a big fan but sorry to hear that, it's been a battle for a time for her over the last few years. I don't know whether it became public knowledge because she brought it up in an interview or through answering a question from the press. Hopefully, there'll be little else about it and she can get on with her plans in private and with some dignity.

And it is that final bit that has got my goat over Jade Goody and her brush with cervical cancer recently. To be fair, I have only seen odd headlines on the front of the magazines which litter the racks of Tesco and Sainsburys but she apparently has been so close to death on an ever increasing number of occasions that it is a miracle she has had the time, the inclination or the health to do interviews. Now I gather she is faced with her Chemo which she can hardly deal with the thought of.

Yes Jade, you and all the other people in the country who have had, and presently have, cancer. Yet they manage to cope with what dignity they can in situations which I suspect are many times worse than yours. I may be being incredibly uncharitable but I suspect the pain of her illness was somewhat lessened by the anaesthetic of yet more column inches in the media.

Housework

I've had real trouble with internet connections recently, both with the landline and mobile connections, however, I'm back.

At least it's made me do a little bit of tidying up of the links to the right. Delete a few, update a few, etc.

Obviously nothing too exciting you understand.