New Technology - Ancient User

I have a Tom Tom. A navigation system rather than a small drum. And damned useful it has been over the year I've been using it. So to celebrate it's first birthday, in addition to the speed safety camera package I've also taken the traffic package.

I have a bluetooth phone, and it can find the tom tom when it trawls the ether looking for something. All I have to do is to enter the correct code. But which code? The tomtom device code doesn't seem to do the trick whatever form I enter it in, so is it a differnt code, like a pin number, that came with it. Or is it some code that my phone came with that needs to be entered although that wasn't the case with my handsfree earpiece.

The answer is probably quite straightforward but I seem to be in a position where I start ringing the helplines at £4000 per second or whatever they cost, and probably with someone on the other end who doesn't speak english that well.

I might fiddle with it a bit more first. I hate ringing helplines.

Great Myths of my Childhood

1) That the bump in the tarmac over the bolts that held down a bench in our school playground were in fact an earthquake.

2) The handles on the front of steam locomotives that held the door shut were in fact the hands of a clock.

3) Ladies got pregnant by drinking wee.

4) Robert Wiles mum was 116 years old.

I was only about 6-7 at the time though!

View to a Killing

I've done a few market research interviews over the last few years for which you get paid a little and have been signed up to a new agency. This thursday I'm doing an hour interview for which I get paid £40.00.

Now, if only I could get 5 of those a day for a whole year I'd be quite happy!

Celebrity Cancer.

News came out over the wekend that Wendy Richards has cancer. Not a big fan but sorry to hear that, it's been a battle for a time for her over the last few years. I don't know whether it became public knowledge because she brought it up in an interview or through answering a question from the press. Hopefully, there'll be little else about it and she can get on with her plans in private and with some dignity.

And it is that final bit that has got my goat over Jade Goody and her brush with cervical cancer recently. To be fair, I have only seen odd headlines on the front of the magazines which litter the racks of Tesco and Sainsburys but she apparently has been so close to death on an ever increasing number of occasions that it is a miracle she has had the time, the inclination or the health to do interviews. Now I gather she is faced with her Chemo which she can hardly deal with the thought of.

Yes Jade, you and all the other people in the country who have had, and presently have, cancer. Yet they manage to cope with what dignity they can in situations which I suspect are many times worse than yours. I may be being incredibly uncharitable but I suspect the pain of her illness was somewhat lessened by the anaesthetic of yet more column inches in the media.

Housework

I've had real trouble with internet connections recently, both with the landline and mobile connections, however, I'm back.

At least it's made me do a little bit of tidying up of the links to the right. Delete a few, update a few, etc.

Obviously nothing too exciting you understand.

The Big Bang

Am I the only one who really wishes he'd been at CERN this week and when they turned on the Collider blown up a crisp packet and burst it behind everyones back?

Going to Big School

Lord, I feel old.

40 years ago today I started at Ealing Grammar School as a fresh faced 11 year old.

Things I didn't know then but would begin over the next few years......

I sat next to boy called Walter John Loosley. Although he is now known by his middle name he has remained one of my closest friends to this day.

I joined the school choir which led to me joining the church choir and developing a love of classical music. Although I didn't sing for the best part of 30 years it was this start that has lead me to being in West London Opera, amongst other groups, today.

Although I never really tried it, the school introduced me to rowing. In 1980, two of my classmates, Ian McNuff and John Beattie rowed at the Olympics in Moscow and came back with a Bronze medal. Also in the boat was Martin Cross who did the commentary on Radio 5 last month. Oh, and my history master was David Tanner, present Head of English Rowing. That's why, when the Olympics were on recently, I watch the rowing with most interest.

The other thing I managed to do was fail 8 of my 9 O'levels. I relied on my natural ability and didn't put in the effort. A trait that reappears in my life with all too frequent regularity.

Harder than you think!

I'm getting fed up of people saying that Michael Phelps 8 gold medals are easily obtained because he has so many races that he is capable of entering.

Admittedly, most of those saying probably don't swim at all otherwise they might get an idea of just how difficult competing in four different strokes at any level actually is.

The argument that he has four strokes and four different distances he could cover doesn't seem to work for athletes yet to me it should be even easier for them. After all they only have to run. Now, if they had to do some of them backwards, or others on just one leg then I might take some notice. And why don't decathletes compete in the ten individual sports as well as the collective. Because of course, they are good at all of them but not "world class" at any of them. That's not to decry them as I do believe that is the hardest of all gold medals to get.

So, anyone who thinks what he did was easy, I have a challenge. If you don't normally swim butterfly, just have a go. Just one length, that's all. Then assuming you haven't managed to drown yourself by getting the breathing horribly wrong I am up for the following;

I swam at schoolboy level 35 years ago, and then, only 50m breaststroke. I haven't swum more than a length in three years. I will take you on at the eight races he won gold at and see if you can beat me at any of them, but we have to do them all.

There won't be any gold medals though!

Lame Excuse

Not that it's any excuse for the lack of posts but I have an injured foot. I don't know how I did it. Went to bed on Sunday night right as rain, woke up Monday morning and couldn't put any weight on it. It's not getting better but still doing the manful thing and ignoring it in the hope it will miraculously cure itself. I may give in and go to casualty tomorrow if it is stil really bad.

For better or worse...

New technology is supposed to bring benefits. I can think of two areas where it appears to have made it worse.

One is the world of banking, where it now takes one day longer to pay money into your account than it did 30 years ago, although to be fair, that is more to do with banks wanting the extra day's interest even though technology would allow instant transfers should they wish.

The second is weather forecasting. Last sunday, BBC 5 day forecast for London was

Light Showers
Rain
Light Showers
Sun
Sun

By Monday night it was rain for all five days.

What have we had so far?

Monday, Sun with an interesting electrical storm in the evening with a bit of rain to follow.
Tuesday, Sun.
Wednesday, Sun.

Well, the billions that have been spent on the weather satellites have been worth every penny then. It would probably be more accurate just to hang some seaweed outside the door. Unless of course, that is how they do it?

Hells Kitchen

We are working on a kitchen refurb at the moment. We allowed two weeks and we are now in week four. The client doesn't mind and the kitchen does look good, but I won't half be glad to get it finished!

Time Travel

Listening to the news yesterday I understand that Gordon Brown was at a facility that takes young men on the edge of crime and teaches them a trade. In the past he has also talked about fast-tracking the brighter pupils at school.

I have a suggestion.

At 11 we could divide the kids up into those who are academic achievers and send them to, say, a grammar school. Those who show talents in other directions could go to a new type of secondary school, called perhaps, a secondary modern. Come 16 those in the secondary moderns who were lagging academically, or anyone else who wanted to, could go to technical colleges where they would be taught a trade. I reckon that would fulfill his bright new future vision.

Oh yes, that's what we had up till the 70s when the Labour government decided to destroy it in favour of Comprehensive education. The great idea where if you mix academic children with those of other abilities everyone will improve to the highest level. Just like if you go training at Chelsea's training ground you too will play in the Premiership!

How to work for nothing.

My mate has been off work for 7 years on incapacity benefit etc. He has decided it is time to go back to work, albeit part time. "The Powers That Be" have been very good at trying to find him something suitable and have given training in areas where he wanted it.

Another section of TPTB have informed him that all the money he earns will be deducted from his benefits and also his rent and council tax allowances will have to be reviewed.

So exctly where is the incentive to return to work when you can end up with no financial gain if not financially worse off?

He doesn't expect them to pay him his full benefit plus keep his wage, but if they deducted 50% until earnings hit parity with benefits it would at least offer some encouragement. If he is financially worse off he will jack in the job even if it does mean his self-esteem will take a knock.

I see no ships

According to the BBC website, at 1'o'clock this morning visibility will be very good.

No, it won't. It'll be dark. I won't be able to see a bloody thing.

And to think, the BBC used to be the fount of all knowledge.

In a world of their own.

Passing Syon Lane Station in West London yesterday there were 6 peopl crossing the zebra crossing for whom I stopped. Well, I say I stopped, which I did but that was mainly so I didn't run them over as they didn't bother to stop at the kerb but just decided to step onto the crossing. The first four were wearing ipod earplugs (white), the fifth had headphones on, the sixth was managing to walk without the aid of music.

Only one managed to say thankyou. It was the one who was fully involved in the here/hear and now. Those with the earphones strode on regardless of traffic. They say you never hear the bullet that kills you, for some I would imagine that also includes the car.

Fuel Frugality

I have finally filled the tank of the new Peugeot. (See about 5 posts earlier at a guess).

It cost £92.00!! but the tank was almost dry, I managed to fit 69.6 litres in, not bad on a 70 litre tank, it must have been running on fumes. That 69.6 litres covered 533.4 miles, 130 of it motorway, the balance driving around London. I can be bothered to work out the total to the 43rd decimal point but that is near enough an average of 35 miles to the gallon.

As I was expecting only about 630 miles for a complete tank on the motorway I'm pretty pleased. I reckon I might push 700 miles to the tank if I chose to drive to Scotland and back, which I aren't.

The sins of the father....

are visited upon the child. Or perhaps given to in this case.

This is going to be a bit of a 3 point ramble. Or it is when I started typing. It may expand, be warned!

Yesterday, at Marj's school, there was an "incident", the modern day euphamism for everything from a hissy fit to a murder. Whilst not the latter it was serious enough for the boy involved to be excluded. So the school rang the mother to come and collect him. After 2 hours they rang her again. She decided she was too busy to come at the moment. Another 3 hours later and she deigned to turn up. She then decided that everything was the schools fault. How they had caused her childs bad behaviour, never given him a chance, etc, etc.

Is the mother right, is the school right? The background may give you a clue. The mother was called because of course, the father isn't about, he is serving at Her Majestys Pleasure. Not sure why she was busy as she wasn't looking after the two older boys because they are both in Feltham Young Offenders Unit.

The shame is, that although this boys older siblings were always trouble, he wasn't, but it has been obvious to all those at the school that he would go the same way, even though they've tried to help him. It would be quite easy to see him as a young troublemaker but I just feel sorry for him. I've met him, very briefly, just once. It was actually whilst he was getting into trouble for something else, but I don't think he's a really bad kid. Just unlucky in his upbringing. You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family.

But this links on to another tale.

In September, Marjs school is likely to be given a new pupil entering Year 6. It's their "turn". This boy has been excluded from virtually every other school in the borough, including the unit that takes excluded pupils! He's violent. But of course he has rights. His parents have rights. There is an expectation that he should be educated in a mainstream school. He won't be at her school long. He will almost definitely get excluded within the first term, if not half term. But I'm more concerned about the rights of the child who is going to be on the receiving end of the punch/kick/beating that gets him excluded. I'm all for giving someone another chance, maybe, two, probably not as many as he's had, and certainly not when the specialist schools staff can't control him. Would you like to offer him a place in your childs school?

Lastly, someone was talking on the radio the other day and made a point that got me thinking. They were saying that when my generation was young we were wheeled about in prams that faced our mother, or occasionally father. That way we were always in sight of her, always reassured, always being spoken to, and thus always learning Now, many babies and small children face away, towards the world. They don't have that contact. They're not developing their language skills, they are on their own. The worst pushchairs that I have seen are the ones where the parent takes the kid jogging and pushes it along, facing forward. If I was a small child I'd be scared stiff. Maybe in the end it doesn't make a blind bit of difference, I'm sure those who have outward facing pushchairs believe it isn't a bad thing, but I do wonder whether it has made a difference.

Your comments please.

No sooner said........

I am now the proud owner of a Peugeot 406 Diesel Estate, or I will be when I've made the long trip to Darlington to get it on Wednesday. That'll be 6 hrs 50 mins on a National Express coach, but at least it only costs £6.00, a bit of a bargain, less than a quid an hour.

A tank will do 635 miles rather than 240 from the Lexus. I reckon the car will pay for itself in just a few months as it's only costing me £700. Expect to hear no more on the matter unless the car is absolutely brilliant or a complete dog.

Tax Haven

The government must think they are living in paradise. It's bad enough that they charge us so much tax on fuel but then, to charge us VAT on the tax proportion is just taking the P.

I'm thinking about changing the car to something somewhat more fuel frugal. The cost of motoring is now getting too high. I could increase the profit the company takes to cover it but you have to watch competitive prices.

Meanwhile, the extra £7bn that the government has earned in fuel taxation since april, yes, that's april this year, will no doubt fail to be spent on anything of use to motorists such as road surfaces. And no, speed/safety cameras and remote cctv cameras to monitor parking are not a help to motorists.

Let's hope yesterdays by-election is a sign of things to come.

On December 5th last year we were burgled, as chronicled here. The only thing taken was Marj's car. We had a call last Friday to say it had been recovered. It is now in a Police Pound in Perivale. So last night we went to retrieve it and queued for an hour to be processed. Today I have to go back with the RAC to see if it will start. We know the battery is dead, but we know nothing else about the condition. The police can't tell us wheter it is driveable, what damage there appears to be, although it can't be extensive as they seem to think that it should be driveable. As it is, we have yet to actually clap eyes on it.

An update will follow later.

Thoughts on BoJo.

Boris, our new mayor, is often portrayed as non-serious. This partly stems from him hosting Have I Got News For You some time back. Now, you only get that gig if you have a bit of personality. Apparently it is wrong for the mayor of London to have a personality. Perhaps nearly as wrong as it is for the prime Minister to have no personality.

Is Boris an idiot? He represents the Conservatives in Henley. Now there probably isn't a safer seat in Britain than that so why would he be given it if the tories didn't think he was immensely able. If he was an idiot he would have been given an inner city seat to fight that he would lose. Also, a sizeable number of the constituents he represents are, in general, influential business people. They are not the sort to sufer fools gladly. If he wasn't good at what he does he would have been "removed" before the last election.

He has appointed a coloured gentleman called Ray Lewis as his deputy. The man is incredibly able and has helped turn many black youths lives round with the work he has done. As well as being deputy, part of his remit is to advise on strategies for tackling youth crime. Part of the black community are complaining that Boris is only doing this for tokenism. Would they be the same as those who would complain that it was racism if he had appointed somebody white.?

There are others complaining that he is appointing people who will "do the job for him". Well I'm sorry, that's actually the role of Mayor. Rather like on a ship, the Captain doesn't stoke the boiler. INdeed, quite often the Captiain isn't steering the boat either. He is a figurehead with overall responsibility. The more able people Boris brings in, the better.

I certainly think his Mayoral term is going to be eventful. I hope for the better. I guess he has also found out, as if as a politician he didn't already know - You Just Can't Win.

Fraise phrases

I now know how many french words an english person is meant to be able to cope with!

It is 18!

We have been trying to win a french cottage in The Daily Mail's competition. Each day you have to collect a word to submit. Until today we have been given such French fancies as; croissant, baguette, fromage, pommes, bonjour.

After 18 days we have hit a brick wall. Todays word is....... strawberries. Apparently fraises is just that bit too foreign for any red blooded english man or woman to have to cope with, despite the fact that it is plastered over the packaging of any strawberry related item in a supermarket in these days of imported goods.

Or maybe it is just because it is St Georges Day they didn't want anything French to taint our celebrations.

I await tomorrows word with baited breath.

I'm no celebrity

I have an awful confession to make. I have reached the age of 51 and have not;

Had any eating disorder,
Had a drug hell,
Had a sex shame,
Killed my ex-lovers hamster/cat/brother/boyfriend/giraffe.
Had a breast reduction,
Been in rehab,
Appeared in a soap,
Had a boob-job
Had a tummy tuck
Lost 8lb and have a new trim figure,
Put on 8lb and am really happy with my new curves,
Had my children made a ward of court,
married a footballer.

I have to face it, I'm never going to get into Closer/Heat/OK magazine.

But I've lied, one of the above in fact has happened.........but which one?

Waymarkers Welcome

Hi to all you waymarkers who venture past this way. Leave a comment then I'll know who you were.

Schoolday Sweets.

Thought about sweets I used to have when I was at school.

Kola Cubes, Pineapple Cubes, Rhubarb & Custard.

My favoeites though were probably Sherbet Pips! Easily retrieved from a blazer pocket and surreptitiously eaten during lessons. Mmmm!

Of course, when I say easily retrieved, that was until they solidified in the bottom of your pocket and mixed with the ever present fluff that was generated in school blazer pockets. Come jacket cleaning time I don't think they were my mums favourite sweets!

What were your favourites?

Heavy Leather Balls

So, yet more talk in the media about the behaviour of footballers. This is the problem when you pay peope too much money and they start to think they are important. I know it's a tactic to try and harass the refere but it's not a particulrly positive one.

How I long for the day when a goal was celebrated by jogging back to the halfway line with nothing more than a handshake with your colleagues and perhaps a pat on the back to encourage a young player.

Players with short back and sides, long shorts and simple unbranded jerseys, shinpads, boots that soaked up the water, along with a leather laced up football that left imprints on your head when you headed it.

Modern football players wouldn't survive in that environment. Diving wouldn't have been tolerated had anyone bothered to be so ungentlemanly as to have tried it. Stud marks up and down your legs were part of the game, not something to roll around on the floor as though death was imminent.

Heigh Ho, those times are not coming back, pity though. And yes, I know the argument is that the skills on display are so much better.

Immaculate conception?

I have mentioned before amongst these ramblings, my step-sistes Erica who lives in San Francisco and is of a Sapphic persuasion.

I hear today that she is pregnant. I suspect that Debbie, her partner, is not the father! This modern life! It's all too confusing for an old timer like me.

When honour means nothing.

In present day Britain, honour, duty, bravery and courage mean nothing. The heroes of the day are overpaid footballers, the women who hang around them and anybody who once appeared on television, preferably either drunk, swearing, having sex, or even better, all three.

The Gurkhas however, have all the qualities that Britons were once known for.

So what happens now. We let anybody from the EU into the country regardless of their lifestyle, financial or criminal status, and those who come to cause terrorrism and the overthrow of our country, but we want to deport generous, polite, well mannered, dutiful, brave, loyal, servants of our country. Many of whom have given their lives, and the rest being willing to risk them, in our defence.

Of course, the Goverment will try to deport them. It saves them a small amount of money and The Gurkhas will not cause any trouble, it is against their principals. I wonder if the Government knows what principals are?

If you can take 5 minutes to e-mail your MP or do something else to show your support, please do.

Of course, if you don't have time to do that because you have to rush out and get this weeks copy of Heat magazine to find out how many times Jordan has thrown up this week then I quite understand.

Too fat for Bluetooth.

I have given in and bought one of those bluetooth thingies so I can walk round with a flashing blue light in my ear and talk to myself like an idiot. There is only one problem. If I put the phone in my right hand trouser pocket, (where it lives), with my earpiece in my left ear, (the best one for hearing with), my stomach breaks the line of sight and I lose the connection.

How embarrasing!

Past images.

There's a photographic exhibition in Leeds showing photos of Armley and Burley. My mum grew up in Burley, and I know Armley from family holidays.

From the few photos I've seen from there so far, they could have been from the 40's or 50's but in fact were taken in 1969. Kids sat on doorsteps, playing in the street, ladies stringing their washing from one side of the road to the other, etc. I find it quite emotional to look at them as they remind me of my grandparents who lived in Armley.

I'm going to go take a look and I'm half inclined to see if mum fancies going too. It'll be like a road trip!

Do The Funky Gibbon

I've been invited by a mate to Go Ape!

I quite like the idea, and I have agreed to it. The problem is I'm scared of heights. Even quite low heights.

When I swam for the school I didn't like it when we had to use racing blocks because it seemed way too high above the water to dive in. As for diving boards, whoa, forget it.

Luckily they have people who come and rescue you if you get stuck, although embarrassment might mean I stay up there for some time. It doen's fill me with confidence that within the safety instructions the word fatal appears more than once.

I've spent many a year telling people I'm possessed by a gibbon, now it's come back to haunt me.

The other problem I've been thinking about is will I have to paint my bottom blue?

We have lift off

It's taken a time to get this far, and I'll have quite a time of ploughing more items on, but the website for Marj's half of the company is launched!

Serranda Sensuals.

Pop along for all your hosiery, lingerie and swimwear needs.

Parish Notices

I have flu, or the tail end of it. Real flu. Not man-flu. Being ill is very good for losing weight. 5lbs in a week. Better than I'd been doing by being careful with what I ate.

Spirits were raised yesterday by once more attending The Harrogate Lingerie and Swimwear Exhibition. Scantilly clad women and a free chocolate fountain! Marj was also delighted to find there were some male models this year. She has had to lie down in a darkened room to recover.

Many a true word, and other proverbs....

How sharper than a serpents tooth is an ungrateful child, or three for that matter! Domestic bliss eh?!

Culture for the Masses

I did write quite a long piece on this, but as you can imagine it was a slightly ineloquent rant. But basically you can file it under the, "if only teachers had no life of their own, worked 47 hours a day for 12 days a week, then all would be right with the world".

I'm all for giving kids culture but for gods sake, can't someone explain to parents that they have some bloody responsibility to "educate" their kids as well!

Onwards to glory

As part of Marj's annual assessment, she has been asked to consider whether she wants to take the extra training and exams to become a full time teacher and leave the world of Higher Level Teaching Assisstant behind.

As the schools music specialist she already does some teaching just in that subject. So she has been working on the pros and cons of moving forward.

PROS : Having a whole class to take and teach full time. The extra money. Paid holidays. (HLTAs only get paid for working time, not the 13 weeks they are on holiday). "On the job" courses rather than full time education.

CONS : The time needed to complete the course outside of the working day. The parents! (More so than the kids). But by far the worst thing is the amount of admin required to be carrried out by teachers.

That admin is what will probably put her off. Planning the lessons is okay. And if it was just marking work then she could cope. It's the assesments, the "levelling" of pupils, the follow-ups and a whole raft of other stuff she's told me about that I've forgotten.

Gone are the days when teachers just taught, marked and wrote reports. Now they must prove to the government that they can fit all the new initiatives that Westminster come up with into an already full timetable, and then be ready to scrap those next year when they change everything. They must take the blame for the deficiencies of parents in helping their children learn at home. (Parents are asked to read with their children for just 10 mins per day, but for many of the parents at her school there just isn't time to fit this into the merry-go-round of soaps and reality programmes). They are now being cited as a reason that children are obese. When children fight, if a teacher breaks the fight up they are liable to be sued, or at the least reported, should a child decide they were rough handled.

So on balance, what is probably a vocation for her, will be avoided as it is too stressful. That's why most teachers need the holidays.

Not quite according to plan.

I particularly liked the report on News at Ten last night regarding the terrorist who was planning to capture a UK Muslim soldier and "behead him like a pig".

At the end of the report it mentioned that he had always wanted to go to Afghanistan and fight with the Taliban. And what was the reason given that he couldn't go? His wife wouldn't let him!

No doubt he would have fought in the first Gulf War, but his mum made him come in for tea! Sometimes it must be really awkward being an international terrorist when your family just don't get it.

'Twas if it never were.

So all is back to normal. Marj is back at school, the traffic is as bad as ever and suppliers have dragged themselves back into their offices. Even I have managed to do some paperwork!

Having stood on a pair of scales last week and immediately fallen off them with shock I've started the annual diet. Part of the exercise routine is to go to Ceroc every week. If ever there is a series of Strictly Come Lumbering About I'll be a shoo-in. Those who fancy seeing an 18.5 stone 51 year old two left footed idiot trying to dance should get themselves to Twickenham of a Monday night. It's better entertainment than what's on telly.

Merry Christmas

May your Christmas be everything you want it to be!

Michelin Magic

People may think he's got his head up his arse but you have to hand it to Heston Blumenthal, his ideas are amazing before you even get to marvel at the accomplishment of them.

His Christmas Dinner involved a sorbet that was on fire but didn't burn.

Marj had better pull out all the stops!

The Comeback

So Led Zep have done whatever it is that they do. My brother was a big fan, they did nothing for me.

On the radio this morning the commentator was mentioning that Jimmy Page didn't make any reference to them going on a world tour.

I hope they don't. If they did I think it would be unfair on those who went to see them last night who applied for tickets on the grounds that this was the one and only chance to see them play again. I also think it would be selling out rather and it's not something I would expect them to do. In this age of bands reforming at the drop of a very large cheque I hope they have some integrity.

Assuming they don't, the only person I would feel a bit sorry for is John Bonhams son who took his place on the drums. I guess it might be nice for him to tour with his dads old group.

Scum

An open letter to the bastards that burgled us last night.

Oi scum.

Bring Marj's car back. But bring it back whilst I'm here. I won't say anything negative to you. But I am likely to kick your fucking head in!

When we find out who you are, and there will be ways and means, because you're a bit of a stupid c*nt and you left a dna trace behind, and I have a friend in the police who will happily pass on your details, you will be meeting me, or an agent of my intention.

Please don't feel threatened as it's not a threat. It's a promise!

Je suis off to France

I'm off to France for the weekend for a bit of Christmas shopping both of the presents and the booze variety.

Ta Ta.

Calling Graybo!..... Calling Graybo!

Monsieur Graybo, should you find yourself in Kingston, Surrey, at any time, there is a new branch of Montezuma.

I should hate you to go hungry and miss it. :)

Where is my muse?

Following on from last years storming success as the boss of the shepherds in last years carol service at M's church I am attempting to write a small section for the three kings, although only two appear and it's bit of a Waiting for God(ot) scenario. At the moment we have gold, frankinsence and a shortage of decent script ideas.

Do you have any good Three Kings jokes?

I have no problem with gold, Frankinsence and plagiarism!

I know my rights!

Not sure who the guy was on the radio yesterday, but whilst discussing education came up with a very relevant quote.

The problem these days is that school kids all know their rights but don't understand that to have those rights they also have responsibilities.

[Sound of teenagers fainting all over Britain]

Sitting Tenants

At friends on Sunday we were chatting and they mentioned that their neighbours were having trouble moving as their 20-odd year old layabout son refused to give them permission to sell.

What? We thought. Was he on the deeds? No. Had he been left a share of the property via inheritance? No.

It was explained that now, if you have children still at home with you who have attained the age of majority that in the eyes of the law they are sitting tennts and thus have rights to remain in the property if you sell.

Very interesting, we thought, but rare it should come up.

Until yesterday evening that is. M had a financial adviser around to re-negotiate the mortgage and when he found out her 20 year-old daughter still lives with her mentioned that she will have to sign a disclaimer to say that she will not attempt to stay in the property should it be sold by her mother.

Bloody Hell. How on earth have we got to this situation?

1984 - Big Brother IS watching you.

This morning I received a parking ticket.

Actually, that's not correct.

This morning I had a letter telling me that 13 days ago my car was parked in a place where loading and parking were subject to restrictions during certain hours.

I couldn't have been given a ticket, not because I wasn't there, but because there was no warden there. I was spotted by a remote CCTV camera.

A camera which is obviously trained on monitoring the public during the day. Watching you walk down the road. Watching your kids go to school. Noting you drop that piece of litter. Monitoring you chat innocently enough to the girl from the office opposite. Watching your wife answer the door in her nightie.

There are also three boards on this section of road asking for witnesses to various road accidents and assaults. Of course, they failed to notice them.

Was that a clock I just heard striking thirteen?

All Aboard.

Spent today testing the new Eurotunnel terminus at St Pancras.

As you would expect it is very modern, glass everywhere, and other than the roof doesn't blend in with the architecture of the hotel to the front on Euston Road. The new bit incorporates many old iron pillars which don't seem out of place until you look at them and then it lust looks a bit strange though not unpleasant. Nice wooden floor arrangement in departure and arrival halls.

I would say it is better than the terminal at Waterloo, more open, more space but that might change when there are more people about. They handled two full trains of passengers at the same time without more than a few seconds delay.

The "journey" involved going to Stratford concrete works International, just 7 minutes away. Not an overly inspiring station at platform level. Maybe it looks better above ground.

Anyway, that's a free return ticket for my troubles so I'll get to visit again for real some time in the next 12 months.

The Special One

No, not Jose.

At Marjs school there is a young child, male, who has started nursery. His parents waited a long time to have him. Indeed, so special is he to them that his name, translated into English from his home tongue means "special one". A fact they remind him of continually. He is 3 years old.

On Tuesday he slapped a teacher round the face. Not an accidental slap due to flailing arms during a temper tantrum but a deliberate strike beacuase he didn't want to do what he had been asked to do.

At the end of the day the headmistress caught his mother and explained what had happened and that they needed to do something about it. Apart from re-iterating that he is "special", the mantra she uses at the beginning of every conversation, as she explained;

"When he does that to us, (his parents), we ask him not to."

Oh well, thats okay then. Hardly going to have a discipline problem with him then in years to come.

But then of course, he is special.

Ed Ed Ed

Time for todays education rant.

Dear Labout Government,

You, along with your predecessors from the 60s/70s have tinkered with the education system and it isn't working. Stop It!

No sooner do teachers learn this weeks major policy change than you decide to change it and bring in this years initiative. What with literacy hour, guided reading, catch up reading, Phonics, and a new system of learning which is being introduced as "the answer" there is no consistency and certainly no improvement.

All we hear about is how much better the education system is and you point to how many people come out of school with A grade A Levels. You can dumb the exams down and massage the figures all you like but when Universities, (the real ones that is, not the Fred Bloggs University of Little Clogmorton), have to spend the first term running literacy courses to get the standard of reading up to that required to study degrees, then there's been a major f*ck up somewhere along the way.

Right, I'm off to lie down in a darkened room before my head explodes.

Looking down on you.

One thing I was able to do yesterday whilst flying back from Edinburgh, apart from travelling Business Class for the first time, was fly the best part of the length of England. From around Newcastle down there was very little cloud so I was able to see Britain from the air.

At cruising height of 35000ft towns were just like islands of light. Enough detail to make out areas but not individual roads, other than major ones.

By the time we were down to 24000ft towns became luminous cobwebs. Filigree roads of light surrounding a central hub of more condensced glow.

Below 12000ft and you are looking at a luminous AtoZ of roads.

I saw a number of football and other sports stadia but couldn't tell you what they were for love nor money. It would actually have been useful to have a map of Britain to see if I could work our what towns/cities I was looking down at.

As always, I managed to sit on the "wrong" side of the plane. As we passed over Manchester I was looking to the East but wondered if those across the aisle could see Blackpool and if that would look obvious.

On the way up I did the "Boys with Toys" thing asnd took 5 minute reading from my GPS with location, height, speed and bearing. If you're lucky I will plot it out and share it with you later for your general boredom edification.

I will be flying back up there again in the next few weeks so I'll try to take my camera and hope for a clear night.

Success at last.

I managed all the journeys last week but for Edinburgh. That has been postponed until tomorrow. As I'm doing it as a day trip I shall be flying. By pure coincidence, tomorrow I celebrate the fact it is exactly one third of a century since I started life as a working man. (The term "working" obviously being used in the loosest of possible terms). It will also be the first time I have ever flown to see a client. Somehow, flying on business at great expense seems the mark of success, although I suspect if I did it every week it would be a complete pain. If only some of the teachers at my grammar school wrere there to see it I should greet them with a sneer and point out maybe I'm just that bit more successful than they thought I would ever be.

No time to lose..

Not only am I off to Blackpool for 4 days but I've also got to fit in a trip to Suffolk, Edinburgh and possibly Oxford in the next seven days.

The Silver Jubilee

This coming weekend I'm off to Blackpool. JC , who I go with, is celebrating his 25th annual visit. No doubt much beer will be drunk, as will I. And ic a severe case of "taking coals to Newcastle", Marj is coming as well. That should curtail my normal shennannigans!

Joke #36290

What are the New Zealand Rugby Team doing to help global warming?

Giving the Aussies a lift home on their plane.

To infinity and beyond...

Diamond Geezer has written a piece celebrating the 50th anniversary of Sputnik and how exciting the space race was back then.

Back in the sixties as a child everything seemed possible, even the most ludicrous of suggestions. By now we should be just popping protein pills rather than eating food and I'm still waiting for my personal flying saucer!

So, okay, reality hasn't exactly measured up to the dream but it served a purpose. We were all forward thinking. Our horizons expanded way beyond Earths limitations. Many scientists today probably got inspired by the possibilities of our future and certainly as kids the whole thing was exciting and who on earth didn't want to be an astronaut, assuming there were no train driving jobs left?

So our generation was inspired to look outwards to a magical future full of exciting technologies and strange planets. What does the youth have today? Where is the forward thjinking to come from. If the media and doom sayers are to be believed, thanks to global warming, it must be destruction. Would a new era of space travel inspire them as it did us? Probably not. Would they find the possibility of finding a little green man on mars as exciting as the strange synthetic worlds they can inhabit on their computers?

Okay, I'm 50 now, but in the words of a theme tune back then,

I wish I was a spaceman
The fastest guy alive,
I'd fly around the universe,
in Fireball XL5

And I still would.

Not got a leg to stand on..

All I can see is there will be a meeting of these two parties where there will be one chasing the other hitting him over the head with the wooden leg.

More Cheese Grommit?

Hurrah, there is to be a new Wallace & Grommit short film for TV.

And todays major disaster is.....

Just as M and me decide things are stressful enough, her youngest daughter, 20, drops another bombshell. Can't talk much about it here but words and phrases such as "ex-boyfriend, pregnant, morning after pill, I still love him" are relevant.

The lifestyle of a hermit seems strangely appealing, although if the previous post is anything to go by, there's no point in M rushing off to a convent for a quiet life.

Big Sister

Now this is much more interesting than Big Brother.

Opera-tion L'Elisir

West London Opera go back into rehearsal tonight for next years production of L'Elisir D'Amore by Donizetti. Now that Pavarotti has shuffled off this mortal coil I have now been promoted by one place in the ranking of tenors. Only another couple of million places to go and I'll be at Covent Garden!

Wonderkids

Well, I must just mention one educationy bit.

This morning on the radio Ed Balls was talking about how exams haven't been dumbed down

When I took my French O'Level oral exam I went in knowing nothing about what would be discussed except it would be in French. Now, for GCSE French oral pupils are given a list of questions they could be asked and the answers to those questions for them to learn.

Exactly how does that equate to standards being the same.

Please insert the 1000 other examples you can probably come up with that prove the same point.

One on One Action

So on Monday we get one on one tutoring for all pupils. Tuesday brings us the right for every pregnant woman to have her own dedicated midwife. What betting that we also have our own policeman/woman during the law and order debate.

Still there'll be no more unemployment due to the fact we'll all have to have half a dozen jobs to cover these grand ideas.

I daren't even start on the education proposals. My brain would explode and the internet would be clogged up for months to come.

Beautiful Bird

Driving past Heathrow yesterday on the A30 a wondrous sight appeared. Sitting by the hangars was a Concorde. Gleaming in the sun it cheered even a miserable bugger like me.

Open House

It's London Open House weekend this coming weekend. If you're in the capital or environs it's your chance to get into some buildings that are normally closed to the public.

I must get off my backside this year and visit the famed Neasden Mandir.

That's okay then.

It might just be me but I would have thought that Ellie Lawrenson deserves a little more justice.

But no, if you leave your 5 year old daughter with her convicted drug using grandmother, who then proceeds to drink two bottles of wine and smoke ten spliffs, and who then allows a dog on the dangerous breeds list which has previously bitten people into the house, then should by any chance your small child be savaged to death, then nobody will be guilty of anything.

Thank god we crack down on speeding motorists otherwise I'd hate to think what the country would become.

I have been to the land of the Phillistines......

....and returned, unscathed.

Well, not the Phillistines but the French.

As always, France was better than I expected, although in the south the public toilets in general leave something to be desired. Otherthan that, food, drink and weather were great.

Whilst I'm unscathed, during my week I heard from my brother who has managed to get himself run over by a coach in Central London and is now suffering from two multiply broken legs! Ouch!

This happened on Sunday 19th and yesterday they sent him home. This despite the fact that he can only manage about 5 steps on crutches before he falls over. Still, no point in him malingering when there are important government statistics to protect!!!! I'm off to see him tomorrow and must try to curb my natural tendency to make way too many "leg" jokes in his presence. He may have got my brains but I got his sense of humour.

Expect a rant regarding the stupidity of hospitals discharging people early in the next day or so.

Kennamatic is out of the office

I shall update my last post at some point, but basically, things are a little more relaxed. They will however be even more relaxed from tomorrow cos I'm off to France on holiday for a week.

Hurrah!

Missing in Action.

Hello. I haven't been around much lately. Here's why, written mainly for my benefit to look back on later, but for your reading as well should you wish.

After a long fight we finally lost the flat. Having spent 5 days packing with only 8 hours sleep during those days we are now in a new flat which Linda hates with a vengence.

During those days and up to and including today I have seen little of Marj which is putting stress on that relationship.

I am extremely depressed. Probably even more so than when I first started blogging. It was my mates breakdown that caused that depression, not the blogging!

I can no longer look after Linda single handedly and will see my doctor to get some help though Linda is fighting tooth and nail against that idea. She also wants to move as fast as possible.

I need to have a quiet time but don't see how I can get it. There are days when Linda talked of suicide and I would have helped her. There are days when I have thought about it but I couldn't do that to my mum. I worry if the strain keeps building that I might find a way to "help" Linda commit suicide. I am hopeful of seeing my own doctor tomorrow and hope she can be of some help. though in reality I don't know what she can do. Mental Health care in West London is very poor.

I feel trapped, mainly by my emotions. The stark truth is there will probably have to be a choice.

1) Leave Linda and be with Marj so I can live a normal life but find some way to deal with the tremendous guilt I will feel as she has no family of friends to support her.

2) Lose Marj and stay with Linda. I will be left getting worse myself to the point where I probably will take some conclusive action to stop the emotional pain.

3) Try to juggle both as I have for the last two years but with the move that has become unrealistic and was probably so long term anyway.

If someone has a magic wand could they lend it to me please.

Talent, What Talent?

So, todays excuse of why Lewis Hamilton is winning is because the new tyres help him!

Yes, Mark Webber, the well known well down the field Australian Formula 1 driver has revealed how everyone but Lewis has been neld back because the make of tyre has changed. Well, isn't it lucky that Lewis Hamilton had never driven a formula 1 car before. He must have just got in on the first day of racing this year and with his complete lack of skill, training and practice has been swept to the top of the drivers championship, breaking various records on the way, by the new tyres.

That's of course when McLaren aren't giving him a much bigger hand than they give Alonso. According to Alonso.

From Lewis's point of view though this must be good news. If the opposition are scraping the barrel to explain his runaway success this year they must be worried.

Twenty Twenty Vision

I got somewhat confused when lietening to a radio report this morning.

It went like this;

"The EWCB have extended Allan Donalds contract to coach Englands fast bowlers until the 2020 World Cup....."

Blimey, I though, that's some extention. It continued,

"in September"

Ah, that would be the Twenty20 World Cup then.

Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics

We have a by-election coming up as our local MP has shuffled off to the great debating chamber in the sky. We are starting to get election literature through. Today, the Liberals show a previous election result that shows them as the only credible alternative to Labout and the Tories have a graphic which shows a previous result where they are the only serious opposition.

Sort it out guys. No-ones going to vote for parties who massage the message. That's why we have Labour.

Some Young Beat Combo

I seem to be particularly obsessed with listening to Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. I must find out whether the rest of their stuff is as good as that.

Shutter Shuttle

I don't often get to travel very far with work. Most of my customers are within an hours drive, which in London means about 10 miles! But I've had two enquiries in the last 48 hours, one in Cardiff and the other in Edinburgh.

I'll probably drive to Cardiff but it's up in the air for the Edinburgh trip.

Gosh, International stardom!

Worth more dead then alive?

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Pub Review

Yesterday I had a day in Brighton and decided to come back via some back roads. Needing refreshment we stopped at The Fox, in Small Dole near Henfield. It looks like it's been updated recently and has "kerbside appeal" as estate agents like to put it.

As I was driving it was soft drinks only, but they have a good supply. But it is the food which is to recommend it.

There is nothing out of the ordinary on the menu other perhaps than Gammon with Cheese and Mango so expect only standard pub fare. The delight comes in the size of the portions. I had gammon with egg and pineapple and it was about twice the size you normally get served. Marj had two pork loin steaks with new potatoes and 43 vegetables and was tender and another hearty portion. For dessert I couldn't miss my old favourite, Chocolate Fudge Cake with ice cream. Again, it was a double size to miost places with a thick layer of melting chocolate. Could have done with more ice cream but that was more to do with the size of the cake than a shortage of ice cream. Marj had the days special which was summer fruit pudding with cream.

Prices? The main courses cost us £6.95 each! A bargain. Puddings were £3.95 so pretty standard pricing but good value against portion size.

Will definitely be eating there again when I'm in the area.

Guily M'Lud

The Proceedings of The Old Bailey 1674-1834 are available online.

Rather a lot of people with my family surname manage to make an appearance!

Hypocrisy Lives

It is impossible to avoid stroies of Big Brother even if you don't watch it. Therefore I know that Emily? was kicked out by the powers that be for using the "N" word. On monday evening as part of the Three Minute Wonder series there was a film shown of a coloured person which was littered throughout with the "N" word. Channel 4 neither chose to blank our the word and obviously decided that this should be an included film of the series.

So as far as channel 4 are concerned white people cannot use the word nigger but black people can. Emily was using it, I gather, in a context that young people would and not in a nasty agressive way. The coloured gut in the film was talking about how he taunted other black guys.

If I was Emily I would consider taking Channel 4 to court as they have effectively discriminated against her and stopped the chance of her winning whatever financial prize there is.

My answer as always is to be a litigious Kennamatic.

Blackpool 25

My trip to Blackpool later this year is booked. I haven't been for a couple of years but couldn't miss this one as my mate JC, whom I go with, is celebrating his 25th annual visit.

Tremendous staying power. And quite a lot of beer money too.

Snobbishness

How do you decide whether you are a snob or not? Certainly nobody wishes to be thought one but can you ever tell whether you are.

Last weekend we went to a birthday party on Saturday for the mother of someone we know but we had not previously met the rest of them. They are workling class, would probably be described these days as chavs, swore every other word and we had few points of reference to hold conversations. I got on well with the lads that were there because we played pool and it gave us some commonality. I realised after the event, what I didn't like was the amount of swearing from the women. Now this was the first time we'd met, there was no shortage of alcohol. they did make us welcome.

On sunday we had lunch at a vicarage with a group of people who I don't know well, or in some cases not at all, but we talked throughout lunch as we had shared interests and were, I suppose of the same social grouping as ourselves.

Was I looking down on the Saturday group as they were "common, vulgar people" or just not in a situation that I could relate to.

If I was snobbish I surely wouldn't have gone into business with Kev who is "council house" through and through. I have also been in a similar situation the other way where I have been with people I felt uncomfortable with, not I suspect because they were richer than me, but because their lifestyle was dramatically different and again we had few points of commonality between us.

It seems only to come out in social situations as I have had customers from both ends of the social scale and I have never treated nor thought of my customers as anything differently to each other.

So, were my reactions snobbishness or was there just too much of a social divide and shared experience for me to feel emotionally part of their group?

Things move on.

I am driving again, as of 00.01a.m. this morning my insurance was in place. As of yet I haven't been caught by a speed camera or stopped by the police.

Also, I sold my flat yesterday. This will mark me leaving Linda, though still in daily contact, and living with Marj, albeit temporarily until I get my own flat and then we'll flit between the two.

Next on the list will probably be "getting a proper job"!

The root of the problem.

Reading an interview given by Frank Lampard about the upcoming match in Estonia he says,

"Do we need to win? Who knows. Should we try to win, well, we've got to start putting a run of wins together at some point so we might as well start now."

Well that's very gracious of him and the rest of the team. But that shows exactly the way they think. They obviously decide they should try to win when it becomes necessary. Surely if you are going to play for your country you need to have an attitude that you are going to win or at least try your damned hardest to make sure you do, every match you play, regardless of the opposition.

England play with the three lions on their chest. Lions would not be Kings of the Jungle if they went around with the attitude that they needed to be frightening every now and then but they'd save themselvers until necessary. That wasn't the attitude that won the cup in 1966 and that attitude will make certain we will never win it again.

Crouch is expected to be recalled and one of his advantages is that just because he is playing against a less talented team and might be winning, you still have to keep going and put more goals past them.

According to our local bookies Englamnd are listed at 1/9 to win. If I could get 9/1 on Estonia to win it might be worth a little punt.

MIssing You Already

The week after the opera is finished is always a flat time. I didn't sing for a good 30 years and now if I aren't singing every week I miss it. The shower is ringing with my dulcet tones at every opportunity!

Education, education, education.

I know it's 33 years since I left school and I think probably the only grammar schools left are fee paying but I still do not understand what is wrong in principal with them.

When I was 11 I took my 11 plus exam. Everyone in the borough did. Depending on how well you did you either went to a grammar school or a secondary modern school. Within those two classifications were higher or lower levels school.

By pure chance, I suspect, I ended up at Ealing Grammar and other friends at Walpole Grammar, the next tier down supposedly. We didn't have to pay. It was taken purely on your academic standings. We had pupils from all social classes. Those who weren't particularly good academically went to the secondary moderns where, apart from a good grounding in basic education they did more practical subjects than we did. The idea was that they would become "manual workers". In london this would have been engineers and the trades. The grammar school pupils were meant to go on to university, which I never made, and the secondary modern kids went on to technical college or apprenticeships.

Now of course it is the governments wish that everyone goes to university. So in London you can't get an electrician, plumber or builder for love nor money. That's not true, you can get them for money. Damn large amounts of it and after a long wait. This is why the Eastern Europe immigrant population is flooding in to fill the jobs which no-one here is being trained for.

Why can people not accept that some people are not going to be academically brilliant and it is better to give them a trade they will make money and a career of than making them do something that they are not suited for.

I have the manual dexterity of a retarded wombat but in retrospect, looking back at my life, maybe I would have been better learning how to use my hands and getting a trade than trying to get somewhere academically. On the other hand, I had the intelligence but inate laziness will always overcome that.

Nabucco

Tonight Matthew I am going to be....

A Hebrew Slave, A Babylonian Soldier, A Levite, An Assyrian Courtier and some of those more than once.

Yes, I'm in opera mode again. Fun but tiring.

Manners Maketh Man

A local school, independent I think though I'm not certain, are in trouble with the local education authorities for "irregular" teaching practices.

In the last 25 years I have only been called sir by two school-aged boys and had a door opened for me to pass through before them. Both boys came from that school.

I suspect that it is not in the present educational remit for manners to be allowed, let alone taught. If they are guilty of turning out respectful, well-educated (as their results appear to suggest), pupils then more power to them however they are doing it.

Meanwhile, Marj yesterday had to deal with the class from hell, as she does every Thursday afternoon. Her deputy head came and told her she wasn't teaching properly despite the fact that at the begginging of the year she asked for help as she was struggling with them and every other teacher who has taken them has the same problem.
It is the last few weeks of term for year 6 at that school and they know it. So they don't do what they are told, not that they ever really did. And there's nothing Marj can do. The worst punishment is to lose their playtime but they don't care and of course the teacher also loses thiers whilst they have to look after them. No more standing in the corner with your hands on your head these days! Just asking whether they think they have made "a good choice" with their behaviour. So this lot will probably fail their SATS, the schools statistics will be poor, the teachers will all be in trouble, and the government will no doubt come up with another initiative as to how to make life better for the kids instead of how to make life better for the teachers. No wonder so many leave the profession.

Still Here

Haven't felt much like blogging lately although most days I'm flicking round other peoples sites.

Just had the most disastrous installation ever which I could have done without. Plenty of other negatives too but I can't be bothered with them.

On the plus side I am now entitled to drive once again having served my 12 month ban. Should have the insurance set up tomorrow and then I'm properly mobile again, much to my relief and also to Marj's who is looking forward to being chauffered at every opportunity.

Political Satire still lives.

I received this by email today. Just in case you haven't seen it yet.

A young man named Gordon bought a donkey from an old farmer for £100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day, but when the farmer drove up he said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news... the donkey is on my truck, but unfortunately he's dead.

Gordon replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "I can't do that, because I've spent it already.

Gordon said, "OK then, well just unload the donkey anyway.

The farmer asked, "What are you going to do with him?" Gordon answered, "I'm going to raffle him off."

To which the farmer exclaimed, "Surely you can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

But Gordon, with a wicked smile on his face said, "Of course I can, you watch me. I just won't bother to tell anybody that he's dead."

A month later the farmer met up with Gordon and asked, "What happened with that
dead donkey?"

Gordon said, "I raffled him off, sold 500 tickets at two pounds a piece, and made a huge, fat profit!!"

Totally amazed, the farmer asked, "Didn't anyone complain that you had stolen their money because you lied about the donkey being dead?"

To which Gordon replied, "The only guy who found out about the donkey being
dead was the raffle winner when he came to claim his prize. So I gave him
his £2 raffle ticket money back plus an extra £200, which as you know is double the going rate for a donkey, so he thought I was great guy!!

Gordon grew up and eventually became the Chancellor of the Exchequer, and no matter how many times he lied, or how much money he stole from the British voters, as long as he gave them back some of the stolen money, most of them, unfortunately, still thought he was a great guy.

The moral of this story is that, if you think Gordon is about to play fair and do something for the everyday people of the country for once in his miserable, lying life, think again my friend, because you'll be better off flogging a dead donkey!

Following the Government

In the spirit of the present government who yesterday apologised to the Argentinians for us unnacceptably killing members of their armed forces who had invaded the Falkland Islands, and in the likelihood we will then apologise for allowing 15 of our armed forces who were in Iraqi waters to be taken to Tehran and filling up their television schedules, I too have an apology.

During the 1960s I had a toy that was made in China. Unfortunatly some 6 decades earlier, during the Boxer Rebellion, some Chinese people were killed by members of the British Forces. I have however decided to apologise for my own part in those terrible affairs even though I was not born for another 60 years and I know of nobody involved.

Oh, and I think I'm personally responsible for slavery as well, although that might be someone else.

The worlds gone mad! And other words to that effect.

Why has this been allowed to clog up the courts? If it was the other way round and the garage owner sued her for trespass and thus criminal dmaage I'd have though that was the right way round.

Rant, rant, not like that in my day, etc.....

If I Were A Rich Man

Had the flat valued today. I was ready to be happy with anything around £200k as it needs modernising.

The agent has it at £230-235K and reckons a quick sale is guaranteed cos there just aren't enough flats in the area.

Flipping Heck!

Having your cake and eating it.

Not long now until Marjs' 50th and it's time to get the birthday cake. I think I'm going for the top one on this page, but as she doesn't like white chocolate I'll go for the milk chocolate curls with the mint chocolate buttercream filling.

Then again, any of them would be nice!

Exotic Isleworth

We have a well known colony of parakeets who live in the environs of Kew Gardens and along the banks of the Thames towards Richmond. Occasionally one will venture away from the river to where Marj lives, the best part of a mile away. Today however, four of them had made the trip.

They were going mad, squawking at the tops of their voices. They probably weren't too impressed with the drizzly weather. The local birds weren't too pleased with them and kept well out of the way. No doubt going on about foreigners coming over here taking our bloody branches, etc, etc.

Poacher Turned Gamekeeper

Linda needs loads of brand new plastic bags to pack things in so I said I'd go to Tescos and ask them nicely for an unopened box of carriers and explain why.

I trundled down to Tescos and explained the situation. A manager came down and explained that Tescos were trying to stop their customers using too many plastic bags as it was bad for the environment.

I explained I have at 6 large black plastic sacks and three large cartons of non-recyclable plastic packaging in my garage, the majority of which comes from Tescos and that Linda won't throw it away and it is not-re-cyclable. We actually throw nothing away. If it isn't in recyclable packaging we don't buy it and we therefore are pretty much 99% green in that respect.

It didn't of course persuade him to give me the bags, but I'm buggered if I'm going to be lectured on green issues by a lackey from a company who probably contribute more to the waste packaging mountain than any other company.

As an exercise, next time you are in a supermarket. stop near the entrance and see how much floorspace there is, then how many products there are, and subsequently how much packaging there must be in there at this very moment. Then realise that quite a lot of the stuff gets replaced on a daily or less that daily basis. And that's just one store of one supermarket. I'm not preaching from the recyclers bible, I really don't care if you recycle or not, but it does give you a damn good idea why we are running out of landfill.

Rich Man, Poor Man

The other day I was in Central London and noyiced a restaurant that hd a strarter of Poor Mans Tuscan Bean Soup. This formed part of a menu that was £25 for 3 courses!

Okay, not outlandish, but it did make me laugh.

Catch Up

Noticeable once again by my absence,

Chaos reigns supreme. Eviction looms. Trying to get an obsessive compulsive to pack stuff is an uphill struggle. You and I might decide clothes, electrical items and other white goods are most important. Linda prefers packing all the empty packaging, from hand soap containers to empty vaseline tins. It adds to the stress somewhat.

Still, unless I do something to upset google at least I won't get evicted from this blog.

How Times Have Changed

Normally I am heading off for this trade fair. However, due to Marj's upcoming venture, tomorrow we travel to Harrogate to spend Sunday at
This one!!!!!

I wonder which will be the more enjoyable?

Luxury

Can there be a feeling as great as going to bed when you are really tired? Finally getting to lie down and take the weight off. Stretching out and making yourself comfy.

Bliss.

It's an unfair cop.

Yesterday, whilst waiting for a bus, a car belonging to the local constabulary came winging it's way along Brentford High Street on an emergency call. A van managed to get in it's way. The police car wasn't going particularly fast because of the amount of traffic as it weaved in and out so it didn't have to brake hard. The police obviously didn't appreciate being held up as, having lost a few precious seconds they decided they had enough time to stop and shout at the van driver before speeding off.

To my knowledge, it isn't an offence to inadvertently block the progress of an emergency vehicle. Indeed, I think it is only convention and following advice in the highway code that we let them through anyway. Am I right, or did he break the law. Of course, if he didn't, the police in that car are guilty of road rage.

I wonder if it was the same coppers who going down Boston Manor Road last wek ended up at the back of a long queue of trafic waiting for lights at some roadworks to change. How lucky then that just as they got there they received an "emergency call" that required them to put on the old flashing lights and go straight ahead past everybody. I wonder if by some miraculous chance just as they got past, the emergency call was cancelled?

Cynical? Moi?