New Technology

I bet you thought I was going to miss today's post didn't you! It's the result of a long days work and straight on to rehearsal.

Anyway, sneaking in at this late hour is a short simple post. One that leads on to tomorrows post and also one that marks my first ever post on an Apple product, the recently arrived iPad!

The question for tomorrow is............ do we live in the best age for inventions or have we missed the boat?

Old Age Approaches.

Very shortly I am off round to some friends. We will have a chat, a drink, and then we will retire to the dining room where we will play Canasta!

It's a rummy derivative but when we started playing a few weeks back we realised we were all sat there emulating out parents and grandparents who all played, particularly of a sunday evening.

As far as I know it will not be de rigeur to don a cardigan slippers and smoke a pipe during proceedings!

And when I practice online it is this site I use.

Fame & Fortune

Well sort of fame, and little in the way of fortune.

Tonight we are off to a local quiz. Now, I'm relatively competitive at most things. I don't like losing at cards, I always want to improve my score if I'm playing a solo game, but when it comes to a quiz I can't entertain the idea that I might only come second.

It isn't just about getting the answers right, that's a given, but I am also extremely focused on the questions. And woe betide any question master who gives a slightly vague question. Should they be unfortunate to go with an incorrect question they can expect hell! If I aren't winning, I'll certainly be questioning the questions.

I once did a quiz, inter company thing it was, and the question came "what is hectoplasm?".

Me : "Can you spell that?" I asked, perfectly reasonably.

QM : "H-E-C-T-O-P-L-A-S-M"

Me : "Don't know"

QM : "It's the stuff ghosts are made of"

Me : "No it isn't. That's Ectoplasm. That's why I had you spell it".

QM : "Oh well, you didn't give the right answer, so no point"

Me : "I'm sorry, you didn't give the right question for the answer!"

QM & Me get very close to trading blows after which I storm out and who knows how it all ended.

Let's hope tonights goes a little smoother. If not, I may be appearing at a court near you.

Helen

Inspired somewhat by Mashers post for the day it reminded me of Helen, one of the admin ladies I used to work with in the dim and distant past.

At the end of the 1970s I worked for an insurance company in Ealing. My department was on the top floor along with the Surveyors, one of which remains a friend to this day. They had two support workers. Firstly, Doug, who was a miserable old bugger but inspired me, in as much as just to shut him up, to enter the British Dominoes Championship. But that is a story for another day. The second was Helen, in her 60's I would think, and spinster of this parish. As my mate J.C. would say, when she died she'd be going back "unopened".

As mentioned in the comments on Mashers site, Helen looked after the tea machine on our floor. It was a standard vending machine but it didn't cost us money. Along with tea and coffee, and in those days you just got coffee, no skinny latte chocatino or americano nonsense for us, you also had Bovril and also a cold orange squash. Helen both restocked the machine as well as cleaned it. she also had the job of getting drinks for Doug and the surveyors throughout the day.

She had the endearing habit of getting up for drinks and shouting "anyone for a beefy one?", then collapsing with laughter. It was endearing for about a day. By the time she'd done the same thing 10 times a day, day in, day out, it paled somewhat!

I've mentioned elsewhere about the cleaning habits following the route of floor, nozzles, hoppers. It certainly added to the piquancy of each selection. The other problem was she wasn't much good at filling the hoppers with care, so quite often the orange squash might have some coffee in it, and if you fancied a beef tea there was a good chance that's what you'd get.

Apart from mis-filing everything, she once tried filing company's in the L folder for Ltd because she knew you filed things under the last name, she also answered the surveyor's phones. Now, to be fair, when she was young I doubt she ever used a phone so you could forgive her getting things a little muddled. Unfortunately it would be rather annoying for the surveyor concerned as she would answer the phone and the client would ask for someone by name, she would then put her hand over the receiver and ask if he wanted to speak to them. Unfortunately, what should have been straightforward, turned awkward because a) she would cover the earpiece instead of the mouthpiece, and b) she'd say " it's those annoying lot at ^^^^ Brokers, do you want to speak to them or shall I say you're out?". Many a surveyor was seen to wish the floor would open under them. It made no difference how many times they told her about it, she still got it wrong.

I'm sure by now she is tending the big vending machine in the sky, so be warned, if you get there and you hear an angel running around shouting "Anyone for a beefy one?", ask for a transfer downstairs!

Surrey Lifestyle

Last night we were watching Escape to the Country on BBC2. Normally it involves couples who want to leave the town and get into the countryside to an idyllic property with no neighbours to overlook them, with fabulous views for miles, with handy local amenities which must include food shops, pubs, schools, clothes etc. no major roads but easy access to work 50 miles away, at least 5 bedrooms even though there are only 2 of them and it must cost less than a bedsit in Harlesden.

Last night wasn't much different other than they were moving about a bus ride away from Wimbledon to Surrey, the northern border of which is 2 miles down the road at New Malden. But as well as looking at properties they always have a little interlude doing something i n the new area that they can look forward to taking part in.

Yesterday it was Llama Trekking!

Surrey is full of Llamas and Alpacas. Probably nearly as many as in the Andes. If you drive down the A3 you can see them off to the left when you get down Cobham way. Now, if I was thinking about going llama trekking I might fear I'd look a bit of a dickhead riding along on a llama, it's not exactly a macho image. But I needn't have worried because when you go llama trekking in Surrey you don't do anything as gauche as actually riding the llama. You pay for the privilege of walking for miles leading the llama along on a rein.

Surrey - The only county in England where you can convince the populace to pay vast amounts of money to take your livestock on their daily exercises!

When Computers Go Bad

To be fair, I am blaming the whole computer, when in fact it is just the power lead, but I can hardly keep the laptop running long enough to make a post. I have to position everything precisely to even get power going in. The slightest movement means I lose power and it just turns off. Slight movement equaling breathing!

I could transfer to the main computer which is M's but there is another problem. She can touch type. I need to see the letters. This is the keyboard!

I think the easiest option might be to buy a new lead. And quickly if I want to keep posting each day. If it keeps playing up I may have a nervous breakdown, a heart attack or blood pressure so high that I explode!

Out of the Comfort Zone.

Recently, I have frequented a place which has had a high proportion of vegetarians eating there. On the first time I visited I would say that 25% of the people who came in and ordered within earshot went "vegetarian". Obviously they could have just taken the Vege option even though they are carnivores. What is amazing though is that you wouldn't expect a vegetarian to even consider eating at the place. To the point that one would consider it a meat eaters paradise.

The place involved is Click Here

How can an "eat all you like" carvery be such a magnet to non-meat eaters? Well, they actually do have four vegetarian options, three of which are relatively unusual, but that is not what they were opting for. The way it works is you can have the £5.75 carvery but opt for no meat, just the yorkshire puddings and the veg and you only pay £4.25! And my, do they go for it!

The staff are very used to it and 9 times out of 10 the people serving at the carvery table are careful not to use any tool used for cutting the meat in doling out the Yorkshires. Even if they do, they are happy to sort it out as they accept it was their mistake. That's another thing that sets them apart from a standard restaurant that usually work ion the fact it is the vegetarians fault for not accepting just a bit of meaty inclusion, however small.

It is such a popular magnet that if you ever have to take a party of people out and it includes veggies I'd recommend it.

And there are two other good reasons to choose that. Firstly, I don't think there is a meat eater who wouldn't want to eat there. And secondly, some of the desserts come with the "bottomless custard jug", as much custard as you want!

It was a lucky find for the custard-loving vegetarian that I know!

Battle of the Titans.

The world of opera and politics have been rocked today as it has been announced that our outgoing Chairman has found someone to oppose me as the next Chairman of our local opera/musicals society! I actually don't know what he has against me as Chairman as I'm not actually going to do anything too radical. But for the last few weeks he has been asking anything with a heartbeat to stand for the position. If he's doing it to annoy me it hasn't worked as my opponent would be fine as Chairman. Actually, I sort of think that I perhaps might know the reason. He knows that I won't stand any nonsense from the company. Two years ago he managed to get rid of a director who wouldn't kowtow to the demands of the ladies chorus. He knows a) I would back the director in the same situation, and b) I introduced that Director, and perhaps there are some documents that will become available for my perusal that haven't been available before. He's always maintained he had nothing to do with it even though most people worked out what he did. Anyway, this was the best post I could come up with today. Keep your fingers crossed that tomorrow's is a lot more interesting. And I really can't understand why the BBC didn't lead with this story on the news. I'm just off to rehearsal to see what might happen. If I never post again you know it turned nasty!

The Boys are Back in Town

Once in a while some of my ex-schoolmates and I get together and talk over old times. Although to be fair there is a little less reminiscing and more catching up with news for the last few months. I mean how many times can you relive the famous Chalk Fight at the Back Stairs. And there are a lot of memories between us. Our collective age is just short of half a millenium!

We are all beginning to look a little older than we did when we first met, over 40 years ago. But one of them has been a friend since infant school and we have known each other 50 years and pretty much kept in touch throughout. There was a report a few days ago, possibly in the Grauniad, listing the top five things that people in the final stages of a terminal illness wished had been different in their lives. One of them was to have kept in touch with friends rather than just lose touch and drift away. I may have many things in my life I would change but one I am content with is the friend base I have kept throughout my life. The internet has made a great difference. These reunions came about through Friends Reunited. Most contact between us is via e-mail. But it doesn't matter how you stay in touch as long as you do.

Why not track down an old mate today, you'll both appreciate it if you do.

The Post Nuclear Family.

As some of you may know, my youngest step sister is living in San Francisco and, because the law allowed it, she is married to her long term female partner. They have one child, father unknown but my sister being the mum. They have been talking about having a second and this time her partner will carry the child. I'm not sure how these things work but some of us were wondering whether it was possible to have the same "father" as before. What a strange set up it would be. The children would be biological half siblings by a parent they have never met and each would have a separate mother who are married to each other thus I guess, making them full siblings. Families are becoming so complicated! By the same token, I rather like the idea of the set up so I hope it's possible. But I wouldn't fancy being the genealogist of the future who tries to work it all out.

In other news.

I know it's childish but can I be the only guy who sniggered like a 10 year old knowing that the Groundhog Day proceedings take place at Gobbler's Knob? Fnaar Fnaar!

And we hear today that Chris Huhne is being taken to court, within the next 3 weeks. Some time back we heard that John Terry is going to court but not till after the Euro Championships which we "need" him for. Not that that was taken into consideration, not at all. Just a coincidence, I'm sure.

The 274th Emergency Service

Last night I attempted some car repairs on M's daughters car. We thought a fuse had gone. It hadn't. That's my knowledge exhausted then!

I used to get annoyed by the AA adverts describing themselves as the 4th emergency service. More on behalf of The Coastguard and the Mountain Rescue Services who are perhaps a little further up the rescue food chain. Luckily though I guess more people only have involvement with the AA than the others so at least that's a good thing.

The AA themselves though are not above messing things up. Many years ago, back when I were nowt but a lad, I worked for an insurance company. As in most offices we had a file of "funny claims". One involved what had started as a car breakdown. The insured duly rang the AA who sent someone along to sort the problem. Whatever it was that was wrong, it wasn't helped when the patrolman "passed a spark" and set fire to the engine which then engulfed the car. Having not made a claim for many years I don't know whether you still have to provide a drawing of road layout etc but this insured had drawn a picture of his car in flames, a stick man running around brandishing a spanner and the AA van with the words Arsonists Anonymous on the side. I hope we paid out, if only for him keeping his sense of humour.

There were two other claims in there I really liked. One, and we shouldn't really laugh but it just read funny when confronted with it, was for a man who lost his arm due to an accident. In the section where it asked what problems he had since his injury, he wrote that when swimming he could only go round in circles. The other, a household claim for some stolen cd's as part of a burglary. The broker, perhaps not up to date with the latest in 1970's beat combos listed one, not as Mott The Hoople, but Muff the Hoopie. I can't help sniggering whenever any of their records get played. Then again, it could have been my dad who once went out to buy a record by Vangelis and came back with one by Van Halen. Parents eh!

With These 5 Rings I Thee Wed.

On arriving back at St Pancras International I came across this huge sign.

To be fair, it is on one of the Olympic souvenir shops and I know Visa are the authorised partners, but something about this just isn't right. From a number of perspectives.

Now, I'm sure they take cash and don't mean you can only pay by Visa but I would have thought announcing that at the door reduces the number of people who will pass through the door. And certainly if you have Mastercard, Diners and AmEx you can feel a little offended.

I know different payment schemes cost different amounts to belong to but normally Visa and Mastercard go hand in hand. I would have thought it was a restrictive practice to accept only one of them. Although I'm probably wrong.

I don't like the wording either. Why not just write, "we are proud to accept this companies money and restrict how you pay, stifle competition, and sod you if you don't hold a visa card". If it had said they were proud to have the Visa tie up then that would be legitimate advertising.

I'm probably making something out of this where nothing really exists but it looks to me like the cart is pushing the horse here and the sponsor is more important than the customer. But then, isn't that the way of most major sporting events now, why should it be any different in the wider world.

Febtastic

So here it is. The beginning of a month of posts.

I decided that I should look back over my blogging history and see how difficult this challenge might be.

First thing I discovered was that I missed my 10th blogging anniversary. It was 6 months ago. Which means I started some time in the first half of my 40s. That seems a long long time ago. Unfortunately, archives are no longer available which make it difficult to find some of the information I wanted. Such as how long I have been linking to Masher. I killed off my last blog 5 years tomorrow and he was on the blogroll then. Doesn't time fly when you are enjoying yourself.

Anyway, the main reason to check back was to see when I was at my most prolific, to see if 29 posts in 29 days was something I ever achieved before. So I looked at the first posts for my first blog. 66 posts in 29 days! I think it's better for everyone that I've dried up a bit!

I've been to

Paris for the last three days. That's probably 5 days of my February posts sorted once I've written them. Huzzah!

Masher's Marathon

I know you won't be able to contain your excitement but for February I will be joining young Masher in his efforts to blog a post every day. An exercise I like to think of as The Masher Marathon. That's 29 posts. It's taken me since Christmas Day to have made the 29 previous posts. That would be impressive except we're talking Christmas Day 2010. An astonishingly prolific 2.2 posts a month. I may be up against it!

The Agony & The Ecstasy 2

Actually on this occasion it's mainly just the agony. I've been quiet recently, not for my usual reason of not being arsed, but because I've been in hospital again. What should have been a quick one day op to repair a hernia turned into a three day stay. My half hour op took three hours. The good news was that they were still able to carry out the repair as keyhole surgery. Not the usual 2 holes, on this occasion there are 9, plus an extra one for a drain. A few more and I could have become the Human Advent Calender. Anyway, the pain is slowly subsiding thanks to Mr Co-Codamol and Mr Ibuprofen. The ecstasy would technically have been my birthday on Tuesday although for me it's another agony. Most people get angsty with the big birthdays, those that end in "0". They never bother me. For most of the previous year people are saying, "so, ?0 next" and by the time you get there you're used to it. The ones that get me are the ones ending in 5. And that's one I've just had. So as of 1.47pm on Tuesday I became nearer 60 than 50. How did that happen? I coped well with 30 and 40, I wasn't even too phased by 50,but 60? 60! I mean, that's old people! So there we are, hurtling towards 60 and held together with sellotape!

The Agony and The Ecstacy

I was impressed when a group of 5 girls from our local secondary school walked along talking about the use of the word scrutiny. That's quite an impressive word for these here parts. It all went downhill though when they then had to have a long and non-decisive conversation as to whether you spelt it with a "c" or a "k"!

Morals

I upgraded my phone yesterday. It's a smartphone and no doubt smarter than me so with luck I'll have worked out how to use it by the time it's upgraded again in two years time. However, that information is by the by. Whilst waiting for the guy in 3 to do things very slowly I read some of the advertising around the walls. Each snippet was to tell you some of the things you could do with the phone such as "why not take photo's of colleagues at work". Wow, that's cutting edge! Anyway, the one that interested me was to do with internet access, the last suggestion being "and maybe get a bit of help with the pub quiz". Now, I've done enough quizzes over the years to know there have always been people who will cheat. Perhaps nip out to the gents and phone a friend but this is the first time I've seen something blatantly enticing people to cheat. What will they advertise next? Why not video someone entering the combination into a security door? Why not photo somebody's signature so you can copy it? OK. Cheating at a pub quiz is hardly the biggest crime in the world but the principle is just plain wrong. Many people enjoy doing them and want to pit their wits against other humans, not the internet. We do internet quizzes when we want to do that. But it does fit in with the general idea these days that you shouldn't do anything too taxing when there is a way to get it done for you. I devise quizzes as well and am having to change the way questions are formed in order to stop searches on phones. Gone are the days when "what is the capital of Gambia" can be posed. Nowadays you have to use 3 part comparative questions such as " what is the connection between the European Anthem, a large St Bernard and a political history by Esteban Buch"? The answer being Beethoven but google is not good at finding the comparison between three things quickly enough. Maybe it's just me being an old codger again but it just seems that's another, if very tiny nail, in the moral standing of the modern society.

Treading the Boards

Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be Elisha Whitney from Anything Goes! And every night till Saturday. Plus a Saturday matinee. And I'm knackered already.

What would happen if..... Number 1

There was the usual report in the paper this week of a criminal who can't be sent back to his homeland because he would be in danger of torture and thus to do so would infringe his human rights. I'm not too sure if anyone would be that upset as he was one of the bombers from the 7/7 London attacks. However, that aside, I was wondering what exactly would happen if, having won a case to say he can't be sent back under the Human Rights Act, what would actually happen if we did? What penalties would await us? You see, I don't actually think anything would happen. I would much rather live in a country that repatriated murderers to their homeland, even if they were going to be tortured, than live in one that said everyone can stay here regardless of their crimes and set ourselves up to be the laughing stock of the international community.

No Vegans

were hurt in the making of this product.

Saying of the Day.

Never frown. You don't know who is falling in love with your smile.

Modern Life

You know the youth of today are getting lazy when they need a battery operated eraser. I mean, how much energy is required to move your hand a short distance left and right?

I have been to the land of the Phillistines......

....and returned. Unscathed.

So back now from North Wales.

The Good and Bad Points

BAD:

All road signs written in two languages: Somewhat caught between two stools as it would be a disaster to just use Welsh. No-one would know what the hell was going on. Can't just use English otherwise it dilutes the Welshness of the country. The result is you have half the time to read everything you normally would as you search for the English bit.

Lack of mobile signal: Well, I suppose when you are on holiday this isn't really the biggest crime that could be committed, but it must be a pain if you live there.

GOOD:

For once, the weather: About half a days rain over a 10 day period. Unheard of!

The roads: In better condition generally than those in the South East. Then again, a track up the side of Snowdon would probably win on that count.

Think Bike!: Except in Wales all the posters are aimed at the motorcyclists responsibility to think car and look after their own safety.

Litter: There was very little. Even in the seaside towns we visited we hadn't realised how clean the streets were until we saw some litter and realised that was the first lot we'd seen. No wading through pizza and burger boxes for the residents of Conwy.

So, in conclusion, Wales has finally grown on me. I shal still make it the butt of some humour when I am there, and the weather is one of the big keys to enjoying the place, but there is quite a lot right with the area.

London slips further down the league tables of civilised societies!

Welsh for Beginners

I am presently holidaying in North Wales. In fact I've been here for a week already. I am slowly learning Welsh.

Ysgol = School
Slow = Araf
Hen Golwyn = Old Colwyn
Dim Palmant = No Footpath
Rhybudd Talu Cosb = Penalty Charge Notice

That last one has cost me £35 to learn. And there weren't any Dim Parcio signs to be seen!

In The Know

I just used what I have decided is an oxymoron.

The towie cognescenti.

I reckon there's a good chance that those who know what towie is, probably don't know what cognescenti means.

Now, I'm pretty sure which side most of my readers fall, so for your edification, towie = The Only Way Is Essex.

A bit worrying that I knew that though.

Welcome

If you've popped over from todays blog by Diamond Geezer, Hello! But I shan't be detaining you long.

It started in Greese.

Overheard by M today on the bus home.

Young Lad (approx 21) to two youngsters, (about 12)

YL - Guess what I'm doing next summer. It begins with an L.

2Y - Dunno. Is it some sport?

YL - Yeah sort of, I'm going to the Lympics!

1 of 2Y - It don't start with an L! It isn't the Lympics. It's the Alympics, it starts with an A!!!

M decided not to try and correct them, it seemed like rather too much energy for too little gain.

Can't even think of a title for this post. Well, I can but they are too lighthearted and despite there never being an occasion I can't joke about, this is actually one.

Had a letter today from The Royal Marsden to say my chief surgeon, Tim Christmas, has died after a short illness. It feels like he has saved so many peoples lives that the pay-off was his. Totally illogical, but he is a big loss to the world of cancer surgery.

Never Knowingly Over-intelligent.

I don't know why we do it, but we do.

We don't watch that many reality tv programmes but we decided to watch Popstar to Operastar. It was interesting because Clare from Steps turns out to be pretty good. The problem is, it was the semi-fianls and the great British public had the vote.

So Clare, having knocked out the Queen of the Night aria form The Magic Flute, and damned well considering how long they've been doing this sort of singing, managed to be voted off in favour of Joe McEldery, winner of X Factor and bugger all else since then, who has yet to actually sing anything in the slightest bit of an operatic nature, apart from Nessun Dorma, which in the intro he thought was an opera, not an aria. Still, at least that puts him on a level with Opera Barbie, (Katherine Jenkins, the "Opera Star" who has never sung in an opera), one of the judges, who will no doubt go on to have a duets album with him after he wins next week by singing the famous Italian Aria Shaddapa Your Face.

I'm off for a lie down!

Light as a feather!

Well, maybe not quite, but my "slowest diet in the world" regimen is working, if slowly. I have gone sub-17 stone for the first time in 10 years. Another 9 pounds and I'll hit my first target of my cruising weight of 16st 3lb. Hopefully make it to there over the summer. That'll make my walking weekend in October a little bit more comfortble.

Jacqui

So today we say goodbye to Jacqui.

Jacqui who I met in 1981 at a party along with someone I knew from scouts. Little did I know then they were to become mine and Lindas best friends.

Jacqui, whom we were with when she found her wedding dress.

Jacqui, whose mum made my snooker table birthday cake for my 30th birthday.

Jacqui who was my confidante, and I hers, during our late 30s and early 40s.

Jacqui whom we went to hospital with the day she found out she had a brain tumour.

Jacqui who went through the operation but was never quite the same.

Jacqui whom we saw less of because Linda's lifestyle change meant we didn't really see them anymore.

Jacqui, who in the last two years became iller.

Jacqui, who 2 weeks ago finally succombed to her illness and has gone to be with her dad.

Bye Jacqui. Love you.

Are London Price too high?

So, if you had quarter of a million to spend, a 2 bedroom flat on an estate in Osterley or a 7 bedroom 18th Century house in France.

Of course, the tennis court does need resurfacing!

Old New Technology

I help out a friend who, following a career change, has decided to be a music promoter so when gigs happen I help out on the door and looking after the on-night accounting.

A couple of months back she promoted John Otway. Amongst his unusual instruments was the theremin.

Last night it was The Transmitters. And there on stage was a theremin!

Ah, the theremin! Supposedly the first all electrical musical instrument. I've seen it played, I've read a decription of how it works. I don't understand it but I fancy a go, and they don't cost that much. It does however look like magic, just plucking music out of the air. Marj is considering getting one for her music classes at school. Maybe "the geeks" who aren't artistic might connect with music that is presented in such a scientific way. Maybe they'll buy a kit and build one in science club as well.

There are tons of bands who use the theremin, most of which you won't have heard of, but probably it's biggest exposure, particularly for those of us around in the seventies was Crazy Horses by The Osmonds. So, not a guitar trick at all then.

I say, let's have more theremin related music. Only another 8 years till it reaches it's century and still sounding as weird today as it did back then.

A Little Knowledge....

Is an annoying thing. Two things have come out in the last week that are factually incorrect. Not the most important of things but it would be nice that the populace was actually being educated occasionally when stuff jits the news.

1) Prince William was marrying a commoner. (I write this shortly after the wedding). Correct, but what has got missed is that she was too. Up until the moment of them becoming married William was a commoner. The only members of the Nobility are the Monarch and those who hold a Duchy, Earldom or Baronetcy. William did not, and Prince is only a courtesy title in effect.

Which is why when they entered The Abbey there was no fanfare but on their departure there was, the first time they were entitled to one.

2) St George's Day has moved to 2nd May. No. It's simple enough despite most of the papers getting it wrong. St George's Day is always April 23rd. However, because it fell on Easter Staurday, The Church couldn't celebrate the Feast of St George. That is what has moved to Monday May 2nd, the first monday after Easter. And if you go to some churches on the Monday, there will be the relevant service. But if your waiting for St George's Day, you've missed it.

Anyway, enough of pedants corner.

In the Ear of the Beholder

I took part in a recent concert with Hounslow Light Opera. It included such stuff as choral versions of California Dreaming, a Les Mis medley, Bohemian Rhapsody and Zadok the Priest amongst others. There was also some solo work for those who wanted it and as normal I did some. The difference this time is that it was recorded.

Now, I know I have a voice that is very reminiscent of Andrea Bocellis' but when it was recorded the guy seems to have distorted my efforts to sound not unlike a 50 something old bloke who thinks he's better than he is.

I wonder how he managed it?

The People Who Think They Are Cars.

What is it with pedestrians at the moment. At least two or three times a day I come across people who saunter across the road despite traffic coming and just expect the cars to stop for them.

And I'm not talking about walking across in the shortest distance. They wander across diagonally not caring less. Trusting that all car drivers won't want to bump into them.

It's not just young teens, who are notorious for that sort of thing, but covers all ages, races, nationalities.

The problem is, there is another group of road users. They are the drivers who expect to arrive at their destination 5 minutes before they leave. They don't stop for anything. They are of course, in their own minds, highly skilled drivers who can weave in and out of traffic at speed and only ever get bumped by other drivers who are not as good as them.

At some point, diagonal walking pedestrian will meet the weaving driver. My money is on the car coming off best in a physical conflict but the pedestrian coming off best in court.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

So there have been some big changes going on.

Although I live with M as some may know, I still act as carer for my ex, Linda. Or at least I did. To cut a long story short, she had to move out of her rented accommodation because the previous Government decided housing benefit for a 1 bedroom place in TW7 should drop from £900 to £680 per month. So, once the arrears mounted up she was evicted. She spent a week in a hotel and then, as she became homeless, was admitted to Lakeside Mental Health Unit as a voluntary patient. I am relieved of duties. And also somewhat relieved. The stress of being her sole carer was taking it's toll.

She won't be there long term but when she moves to a new place she will have other carers to help look after her. I will still see her but mainly as a social visit. And I think the long term aim is that I lose contact and move on.

I have to say, I'm finding it easier than I thought I would. It would probably be even easier but the local mental health team seem to have disappeared off the face of the earth so I still have to be doing odd bits of fetching and carrying.

My weekends are much the same as they were, but my weekdays are rather different with more time for what I need to do. I shall try to make sure that includes more blogging.

Confusion 2

Had an offer in my inbox for "a Brazilian Blow-dry". Apparently that actually is to do with the hair on your head.

I can't keep up!

Music Appreciation

M is doing some schoolwork to avoid doing any planning during the week. She's been checking out a really good site with activities for the kids. The object is for the children to listen to classical music and identify the various families of instruments within an orchestra by sound. The website she is going to use is really good with a lot of good musical content.

Time alloted for this quite complex task as they are only 7 years old? 20 minutes!

And by the way, it isn't a music lesson. It's in ITC. They don't do that in music.

I didn't always understand a lot at school. I appear to understand what the hell is going on there even less these days.

The Album Meme

Not done a meme for a bit and this one's a bit different.



It could have come out worse!



Rules...

1 - Go to wikipedia and hit random. The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to quotationspage.com and hit random. The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to flickr and cl...ick on “explore the last seven days”. Third picture no matter what ...it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use photoshop or similar (picnik.com is a free online photo editor) to put it all together. I used Photoscape, which is also free.

5 - Post it with this text in the "caption" and TAG the friends you want to join in.

The Horned Sun God

Well, I didn't see the eclipse this morning due to cloud cover. Never mind. There'll be another couple to come during my forseeable lifetime so maybe I'll catch one of those.

The thing that has made me think the most is what would it have looked like to our stone age ancestors. Pretty much, all you know about the sun is that it disappears at night and luckily it seems to come back the next "day". No knowledge of why, just that it does. And you are really grateful. Then one day, it starts to appear, except this time it rises as a pair of horns! What has happened that this is the outcome. How have you displeased it so much that it takes the form of a predator!

It's not difficult to see how the early civilisations were sun worshippers.

Time to Travel.

And we're off. Newark for New Years eve and Norfolk for New Years Day. If it's as much fun as there was alliteration in that sentence we'll have a great time!

And Channel 5, if you're going to run a competition, even a very easy one so everyone can get it right, at least spell it Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer not Rudolf!

Hope you all have a good New Year.

Happy Christmas

Happy Christmas to you all.

Time for Crumpets, Scrambled Egg and Smoked Salmon.

Beef Wellington later with Christmas Pudding to follow.

Mmmmm!

Coming Apart At The Seams!

I am. Literally.

There is a problem with having major abdominal surgery. They have to cut through muscle and other internal offal. It takes time to heal. In the case of the Rectus Abdominis Muscle it can take two years to heal. That is the muscle that turns into a six pack. Mine's not going to. I have had a cold and cough for the last 5 days. So there I was on Sunday, gasing for air whilst coughing when I suddenly thought, "Hello, that doesn't feel right!". I developed a slight bulge on the left hand side of my stomach. Not a problem, if I didn't look I couldn't see it. So last night it started to hurt. Not much, but a bit like indigestion. This morning I thoought I better let the doctor have a look at it. She did. For about 2 seconds.

I've coughed myself into a hernia!

The area where they cut through for the operation in March has given way under the pressure of coughing, a problem that is not uncommon in post abdominal surgical patients, although I could see in her eyes that she was trying hard to find a way to introduce lardarse into the conversation as well.

And the answer is..... do nothing or have another little op. I'm going to opt for doing nothing for the time being. Well, that's not quite true. I'm not sure my adonis-like physique has been improved by an extra bulge, so I think it's time to actually go on the diet that I keep threatening. As soon as I've finished the half eaten packet of choccie biscuits and the bag of chocolate eclairs.

Part of me wishes it had happened during a bout of jollity. I would much rather report that I actually split my sides laughing.

Dangerous Work

I bought my poppy the other day. The nice lady got the poppy and the pin and put it on for me.

"I'm sorry" she said "I have to stick it on for you cos health and safety insist we do it"

"Why's that?" I asked

"In case you hurt yourself with the pin and sue me!" She replied. Eyes rolling.

So I am buying a poppy to remember all those who have gone to war and died to give me freedom and I'm not to be trusted with a pin!

Sleep Deprivation

Well, it's a week since the show and I'm still recovering. I must be getting old.

Got to get myself together for Thursday though, Singing backing vocals at a blues gig.

I must be mad!

Another Opening of Another Show

A tiring week coming up. We open in Pinafore on Wednesday. It has become the show from hell.

We started with one director, who was brought in from outside. Some of the members didn't like him, and although we don't know exactly what happened, his position became untenable and he "left".

One of the members stepped into the breech and started correcting everything they perceived wrong. With 4 weeks to go. We are now putting on something that would work as a school production for 5 year olds. Which to be fair, is who she teaches.

To go into the rest of it would take too long. We won an award last year for best musical. We won't this year.

There is a possibility I am going to Direct next year. They won't fucking know what hit 'em. I've directed before. I don't own a pair of kid gloves!

An Evenings Entertainment

Presently surrounded by young ladies discussing lingerie and, what in the idustry is known as "bedroomwear".

I don't know how I cope!

T'good Old Days

Graybo, (for it is he), linked to a post about Blogging in the old days.

Yep, proper blogging back then. Discovered I started May 2001. We had to be up in the morning at 5:30 to shovel coal into the blogomotive and connect all the rods between the hammerboard and the interwebnetoscope. Once you'd done that it was 4 hours to type just one word. They've made it too easy for everyone now.

As for joining Twitter. I don't even know how to go about getting a flock of singing amazonian trumpet birds, so I'll avoid that.

I'm a Medical Marvel, Me!

I had a check up at The Royal Marsden last Friday. Just routine, but for the first time since the op I met my consultant surgeon.

He has confirmed that the biopsy on my lymph nodes did show a trace of cancer. Smaller than a pinhead. I already knew that. What he was so "excited" about, and he was, is that I am the first person who has a) had a sertoli cell tumour and b) they have found a trace of cancer on the lymph nodes.

Up till now he could only advise that it was a possibility. Now he can say it's happened. Those who had the op before me made the right decision as if the cells had seeded they wouldn't have been seen but would have grown at a later date.

It makes having the op worthwhile for my own health and for others.

I admit, it does make me feel warm inside. Maybe it's a bit egotistical. I don't know. But I feel like I have advanced cancer knowledge and will help others in the future to protect their health.

And I've been written up. In a number of journals. And I'm the subject of lectures now and in the future.

And now there is one mother, presently holidaying in Blackpool, who has been proved right when she said her son was special. Just not in the way she'd hoped.

Smelling of Roses

Our local sewage treatment plane, Mogden Lane, are holding drop-in sessions.

Think I might give those a miss!

I think he's telling fibs!

Normally I don't buy croissants from supermarkets because basically, they are crap. A bit like southern fish and chips. However, for reasons I shaln't go into here I ended up with a box of Tesco Finest Croissants.

The famed chef Raymond Blanc, the only man whose French accent has got stronger the longer that he has lived in England, endorses not only these but also their Pain au Raisin and Pain au Chocolat.

All three carry exactly the same endorsement bar the name of the item. It goes;

These are the best .......... I have tasted outside of my own kitchen!

Really?

Monsieur Blanc is, as already mentioned, a Frenchie. Now, I have visited France a number of times and, hand on heart, I don't think I have ever had any of those items as poor as Tesco's.

But maybe he didn't mean In the whole world, just the UK. Now, There is a chain of French bakers and patissiers called Paul. I haven't had their stuff much because I still don't think they make it as well here as they do in their French stores, but I bet they are better than Tesco's.

Perhaps he didn't mean other chains. Now, there is another well known French chef in this country, Michel Roux. I've never judged his food myself, but those in the know regard him as the best Chef de Patisserie there is, anywhere, in the world. Now, croissants etc are not normally patisserie items I shouldn't think but I've a feeling Michel can knock out a quick bakery item well in excess of the Tesco Finest range.

Perhaps he meant literally outside his kitchen. Like, the other side of the door. Then maybe he is right.

But to be honest, I think he's going to find it bloody hard to prove in a court of law.

Autumn Clean.

As you can see I'm having a bit of a change.

Some links have gone, partly because they were dead and partly cos Blogger didn't transfer them and I haven't got round to finding them yet.

Why has Masher got no little blue blip beside his link? Who knows. Does Big Blogger know something we don't?

Anyway, expect more minor tweaking.

Food Parcels

I sort of started a diet last week. This morning in the post came a letter from the British Red Cross. I haven't opened it, but I presume it is the arrangements for them to fly food parcels in to me if I start feeling faint.

God bless 'em!

The future isn't Orange.

Not for me anyway.

I decided to set up a wireless network for our machines at home. It has been a nightmare. And all because of Orange. When Marj set up her ISP accont they gave her the username. There is a problem. It is 36 characters long. Most routers, etc, accept only a maximum of 32 charcters. And Orange won't issue her a new username. They accept the only way to overcome the problem is to cancel the contract and take out a new one. So we are. With someone else!

Now we just have to wait while they drag their heels giving us our MAC code. They say 5-7 days. We'll see. It should have been immediate and were at day three and nothing yet. I feel a complaint coming on. And compensation.

The Ends of the Earth.

Off for a week in Colwyn Bay. Looking forward to any few minutes when it isn't raining.

Day Out

I shall be spending the day at Moda UK watching models parade about in skimpy underwear.

There may be photos!

But not for you lot. You perverts!

The Sound of Music

Well, this is something you don't see too often in Surrey.



We were at an anglo-swiss wedding yesterday. As we arrived at the reception we drank Pimms on the lawn and listened to an Alpenhorn. Pretty certain I've not done that before.

Fame & Fortune

I see I am on the radar of the esteemed London Blogger Diamond Geezer. Hello, if you pass this way.

I'm off knocking doors to try find business. This is the least favourite activity of my life but there's a too good incentive to miss for doing so.

Anyway, it's taking my mind off Barclays Bank who up till a month or so ago were fine but in the last month have gone absolutely down the drain. I shan't rant here though, tempting as it might be. All I will say is that now completes my entire list of high street banks who have broken banking law. What is moes worrying is that the people you talk to don't even know that. Computer says "jump". And they do.

Delusions of Grandeur

I'm not sure who are the most delusional. England fans who though w might win the World Cup or the players in post match conferences talking about how they played.

Matthew Upson missed the best chance of the conference when asked "Where do you go from here?" He failed to say "home".

Other great comments were, the ubiquitous, "We have to take the positives from it". And I think it was John Terry who said he thought "I really don't think we have played as badly in this tournment as people have made out." Cue hysterical laughter!

I have an answer. In future the England team should avoid any Premier League player. We should choose a squad of players who in all honesty never expected to play for the country. Would they win? No, of course not, but then could they be any worse, but what you would get is a squad of players who would really give 110% because it would be the highlight of their careers.

And whilst we're changing things, please stop the players being trained in media relations. I'm sick of, "we have to take the positives from this", "our work rate was really good" and "we all gave 110%".

Maybe now we'll stop treating footballers as demi-gods. Particularly Rooney. Well, that's when anyone discovers where he went missing for the last fortnight.

Time Travels

For those of us Leeds United fans of a certain vintage, Rob Greens' blunder on Saturday took us straight back to the days of Gary Sprake.

Black Comedy

I was at a performance of Black Comedy by Peter Schaefer last night. In fact I was at it on Thursday as well because I was helping Front of House.

The play takes place in the 1960s and is a typical farce of people being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The unusual thing about it, or it was for me as I haven't seen it done before in my limited theatrical experience, is that it takes place during a power cut. Well, the main fuse goes. This means that, in order to facilitate the audience, the lighting is in reverse. The ensemble starts in stage darkness and they are thrust into light when the fuse goes. Acting in full light very warily but at the beginning when all is meant to be well, striding round a cluttered stage as though they can see perfectly, seems to be quite difficult acting to keep going for 90 minutes plus. There are times when people strike a match or shine a torch and they go into semi-light. Well done the lighting man who kept pace perfectly.

If you get the chance to see it sometime I'd take it. It's funnier than those comedies that that Shakespeare wrote.

Oh God, It's a Camel.

So, as of a few minutes ago it is a hung Parliament.

Get ready to re-run this in about 6 months time.

Here comes the disappointment for all those who think that a hung Parliament means everyone works alongside each other in harmony and the world gets better and the fairies come out at night and do the housework.

The good news for us though is that Ann Keen has been ousted as our MP. She and her MP husband Alan have been known as Mr & Mrs Expenses for years. He however has held on to his seat in Feltham.

This election has turned out to be a rather unsatisfying feast.

Knife crime.

Just had Hospital Heroes on BBC1. 25% of all trauma admissions at The London Hospital are for knife wounds. Probably a more worrying but more accurate statistic than anything put out by the politicians this week on crime.

Why Stars and Celebrities Aren't The Same Thing.

Last night in Brentford there was a special concert. It was a fund raiser for the local church. These things are normally sparsely attended but last night it was packed. 400 local people came to watch plus a few from further away.

The person performing lives nearby and has done for 25 years. He wanders around the area and drinks in his local and is pretty much left alone, partly because most people are too young to remember him. The age group there last night were the key. Mainly around the 50 mark as his heyday was the late 70s. In fact his three major singles were all in 1979.

The reason so many came out was that just a couple of years later he stopped touring. For 20 years! And he only started touring when he started recording once more a few years back.

For those who remember that era, it was Nick Lowe. (Cruel to be kind : I Love The Sound of Breaking Glass).

And the reason for the title?

He obviously gave his time for free and in return set a few conditions. Not ones you'd normally expect though.
1) Because he knows his concerts have a high demand he only wanted publicity to be kept locally and by word of mouth pretty much. (The tickets still sold out with two weeks to go).
2) The only people to get in free were himself and his wife and kid if they wanted to come. Everyone else in his entourage, manager, two band members and technical people plus close friends, had to buy a ticket. And they did.
4) Tickets were to be kept at an affordable price. They were. Just £12.
3) It was pouring down with rain but 40 minutes before he was due to appear he walked through the door, shook off his umbrella, shook hands with the doorman said hello to the people on the ticket desk and quietly slipped in whilst the support act were playing. No fuss, no melodrama.

He played for just over the hour, a mixture of mainly "new era" songs and a couple of older ones. You could have heard a pin drop. I spoke with the vicar who I know and asked was he working out how to get the church this full on a Sunday? He reckoned he would have to get him to lead the worship. He was doing. Every member of that audience was there to marvel at the man, talented, quiet, unassuming, gentlemanly and a throughly good bloke.

And becaue of this thoroughly nice bloke we reckon the total raised will be about £8000 to keep a couple of the churches community projects running.

Now, that's the difference between a star and a celebrity.

Newark, Newark.

Spending this weekend in Sunny Newark. No, not the New York one, that which is about 130 miles north of here.

Newark holds a place in my heart from my travel as a young child. When we went home to Leeds by tain Newark was one of the landmarks even though it didn't stop there. The Yorkshire Pullman would leave Kings Cross, (books and games out), 1st Stop Peterborough, (The end of the beginning of the journey), pass through Newark slowly, (Well on the way now), stop at Wakefield, (Pack up stuff we're almost there), and finally arrive at the now defunct Leeds Central.

Who knows, I might even do a Diamond Geezer and report on it. But it won't be as good as his are and actually I'm going for Marjs sort of family reunion so I won't see most of Newark anyway. I can almost hear that collective sigh of relief!

All Clear

Come Monday I am going back to work. Gently at first but I need to do something before I die of boredom. Hopefully then there'll be something of interest to blog about as well although I decided I wouldn't bother with "the volcano" and certainly not the election.

So no more medical bulletins unless there's something worth saying.

POSH & BECKS = 22

Perhaps if young people spent more time reading books instead of celebrity magazines they might be able to play Scrabble by the traditional rules.

Little Thing Mean A Lot

We all take our bodies for granted. We do hundreds of little things each day that our bodies carry out and they're gone in a second without a thought. This all changes when anything affects your body be it a stiff neck ot a cut on the finger. An operation just brings more of them.

Each day brings a recovery in an everyday task which has been lost to me over the last few weeks. There have been many in the early days which I won't recount here as I'm sure you won't want to hear about them and their asociated bodily functions but this weekend has seen two milestones restoring comfort to my days and nights.

For three weeks I have had to sleep on my back as it has been too painful to lie on my side. Either of them. But as of Friday it has been possible to finally get 90 degrees round and lie there. It feels a bit funny but it isn't painful and I'll settle for that. The other breakthrough is tht I can now sneeze and cough without it hurting my "war wounds". No longer do I have to try and suppress the tickling in my nose or throat.

Every day now my body is healing faster. Mustn't overdo it. But I quite like keeping a detached eye on it and marvel at what our bodies can do. I sometimes moan about new aches and pains that happen as I get older but it's done a pretty good job for 50+ years and it certainly looks as though it's planning to keep going pretty much on top form for a good number of years yet.

Maybe I won't take my body for granted quite so much in the future. And perhaps I'll give it a helping hand by losing a bit of weight.

Call Me Scarface!

Well, Scartummy actually, but that's hardly the most threatening name.

The staples came out with a bit of a tweak yesterday morning. By the afternoon I was starting to come apart at the seam and the district nurse had to come back and steristrip part of the wound tht had decided to open a bit. At least there's no pain.

Still got a drain in but think that will be out in the next 24 hours or so.

So, on the mend. Although no work for another 4 weeks. And I'm still clutching the physiotherapists list of do's and don'ts which include no housework for 6 weeks!

The Road to Recovery.

Hi all. Surgery went well. Hurrah for mobiles!

T - 7

I've hasd my pre-op assessment and apprently I'm well enough to have my major op. Actually, I'm well enough to do anything so next Wednesday I go into hospital for a week or week and a half. You'll not notice cos I only post every fortnight anyway.

The discussion of my op has somewhat disconcerted me. Not the actual procedure itself but the possible side effects.

Due to the fact someone at some time might get an operation related in-growing toenauil and sue them for millions, you have to be told everything and the odds on it happening. I would rather they hadn't. The cancer I had was 1 in 50,000,000. Rare, but I got it. The chance of death under a general anaesthetic is about 1 in 5,000,000. Very rare, but 10 times more likely than the cancer I did get. I know that's not how it works but just being told on a scale of probable/possible/unlikely/rare would have been enough for me.

Luckily I haven't won the Euromillions otherwise it would be 15 times more likely that the anaesthetic would kill me. For the first time ever I'm glad my numbers haven't come up.

You don't have to be privileged.

There was a report in the papers last week that still 1/3 of our winter olympic team went to private schools. No mention that 2/3rds don't. However, and remember this is nothing to do with jealousy or anything like that, the government want changes made to reduce that 1/3rd even further. I'm not sure that introducing the luge as a sport to the youth of Brixton is going to make much difference though.

Then I was thinking, there is one sport where the government have done bugger all to try and open it up to the other class. Football. How many Premiership footballers went to private school? Why does the Government not do something about that?

It's 2010, and still the Labour party are hung up on "toffs" and the class war.

Now that's what I call snow!

I was watching The Making of Britain or whatever Andrew Marrs programme is called. They were showing the winter of, I think 1947 or 49 when the country ground to a halt. But it was proper snow. Feet of it.

And there were people, out and trying to clear roads, pavements and paths with shovels. making sure life could go on as best as possible even though there were power cuts. And rationing. And still having to go to school. And work.

No Health and Safety there, advising that they would be liable if anyone fell over where they had cleared a path, or that the school would be sued if a child slipped on ice and hurt themselves.

The other week, whilst Brentford laboured under the 1" of snow that fell, at two schools I know all the teachers were in but many pupils were missing. Two of the excuses that came up were;

from 1 girls parent : I didn't know the school was open because you didn't ring to tell us.

From a boy who lives within sight of the playground : I couldn't come in because there was black ice on the pavement.

Meanwhile, my niece flew out of Finland with 5 ft of snow on time, to get to Geneva. Unfortunatley the flight was via Gatwick where they were delayed for 2 hours because there was slush on the runway.

I can't help feeling that we've lost a bit of backbone in the past 60 years. And if we have, who can we sue?

Twisted.

I meant to write about this earlier last year biut I don't think I did. If I did please feel free to ignore, or roundly abuse me, whichever you see fit to do.

I was at my prospective niece-in-laws house and her son had a poster on the wall. It was, I think, a Roy Keane poster from his playing days. The message on it was, "I expect respect and try to give it".

Now, that seems the total opposite to the way I was brought up but does seem to sum up the attitude of many young people. Apart from the fact I think it is worded particularly badly if not ungrammatically, I was brought up to show respect and try to earn it. But that, in general, goes against the grain today, where everyone has the right to everything and no responsibility unless it isn't too much effort.

So expecting everyone to treat you as though you are Gods gift whilst you only need to attempt to give someone else the time of day gives you some idea why teachers have a hard time. And it doesn't help when parents back the kids point of view rather than the teachers.

The Old Routine.

I've been away this last week in the sunny town of Stevenage. Well, actually, not in the town but in the Novotel inches off the A1 junction at Stevenage.

It was a good induction course, partly becuase I remembered quite a lot of it which made me look good, but also because many of the changes the company have made in the way we are meant to work actually suit me.

So i went off this morning on my first appointment. I didn't sell it. It's like I never went away.

Help Your Neighbour.

As we know, during the current cold snowy spell, as the government have told us, it is increasingly important to keep an eye on your neighbours.

Well, the 87 year old woman next door hasn't called on me once to see if I'm alright, and the lazy cow hasn't even taken her milk in for the last 3 days! So much for neighbourliness.

I've Seen The Future and It's The Past

I never lost a company under a Conservative government but have now lost 2 under this Labour lot. In reality, I haven't lost the second but it isn't worth me struggling on. I can't make the income I need as things are.

So, I have made a decision and a couple of phone calls. I have a meeting wih my ex area manager and divisional manager tomorrow, weather permitting. If all goes well, I'm heading back to Everest!

It's 8 years since I left. I took this decision over the weekend and although in general I never ever go backwards this feel right. I'm taking the pressure off myself, going back solely to selling, and, in acknowledgement of my age, realise this is going to be the run in to my retirement if all goes well. Admittedly another 12-15 years but all the same.

So, back to the future!

Lasers at the Ready

Marj was very brave today and went to see about having laser eye surgery. I'm lucky that, apart from starting to need reading glasses for small print my eyesight is pretty good. Or at least I haven't noticed it isn't.

It takes about an hour for various tests to be done and then they have a chat and give you a bit of counselling.

So, what did we learn.

They can correct the need for wearing glasses for long distance and also astigmatism. They can't do anything to help with reading. The former being to do with your eye lenses and the latter to do with your eye muscles.

The actual time with the surgeon is only about 10 minutes, the lasering part only being a matter of a minute or so. And that's for both eyes.

The worst case scenario if things don't go according to plan is that you get an eye infection.

Not as expensive as we thought. For the cost of £1400, bar some loose change, she can expect to have perfect vision except for reading when she will just need over the counter reading glasses. Although as she doesn't need them now she may get away with even that.

Now all she has to do is decide whther she's brave enough to have the procedure.

End of 2009

Well, unless anything momentous happens in the next 24 hours that's another year done and dusted. It's been a strange one. Most people seem to want to see the back of it. If there's something I wish I could have next year, apart from the obvious "lots of money" answer, it's energy.

I feel always to be tired. Don't know whether it's been worse since my op or I've just noticed it more. I went for 15 years without a proper holiday and survived it, but not going on one this year seems to have taken it's toll.

So whilst I'm on handing our gifts here's a few for my most loyal readers.

Elle - To have some respite from her illness so she can have a sustained period of feeling good.

Graybo - continued success with his business plus some of those items he's been coveting over the last 12 months.

Masher - The chance to fit another holiday in to his work schedule. I reckon you only got 15 trips away this year and that left you with a fortnight without going away at all at one point! :)

AJ - To manage to find a way to go back to University yet again. This working lark has never really suited you. :)

DG - And probably the biggest wish of all. That he could have his mum back.

Enjoy your plans for the New Year. I wonder what it has in store?

The Child In All Of Us

I am organising a concert for one of my opera groups. It's non-opera and one of the songs I have chosen is "Teddy Bears Picnic".

All amateur arts groups have those who take themselves too seriously and there is a great deal of pleasure in wathching them sing childrens songs whilst trying to remain aloof.

In general though, there are few amongst us who aren't cheered by a chorus or two of Teddy Bear. Reliving our youth is an important thing to do. Particularly at times of stress. They say that you can reduce a roomfull of 50 year old men to tears by playing the theme from Listen With Mother.

I suggest you stop whatever you are doing right now and sing s song from your childhood, perhaps Nellie the Elephant? And if your boss complains make them join in too!

Never-ending Work

Will my present job in Tooting never end! I have a client who's complaining about the time and money involved but then keeps adding more bits in.

At least I have a day off tomorrow cos I've got a hospital appointment.

Against All Odds.

I was told that getting my sort of cancer was around the same odds as winning the Euromillions. Yes, thanks God, next time could I have the 90 millions please! :)

Now, with all the Belle De Jour press stuff going on we know she is a "cancer specalist". What are the odds that when they sent my nadger away for "a cancer specialist" to biopsy, it was her.

Wonderful, not only have I missed a payday but there is now a possibility that whilst Belle De Jour was fondling my nether regions I was 100 miles away down the M4!

Sound the all clear!

Saw my consultant today. They have checked my most recent bloods and the CT scan and I am now clear of cancer.

I do however have to consider having a major operation. I am clear of visible cancer cells but there is a possibility that the tumour seeded into my abdominal lymph nodes. The choice is, have the lymph nodes removed just in case or avoid the op and take a chance they don't become cancerous. I see the surgeons in the next two weeks to discuss. My consultant tells me that sertoli cell tumours are so rare there is no textbook treatment therefore they might recommend but it has to be my decision. The world's leading sertoli cell specialist is at Charing Cross, even he will not come down one way or the other as to the decision.

The operation means I will be in hospital for a week and recuperating for a minimum of 8 weeks. So, a fortnight of pondering and fact finding, but not a fortnight of living with cancer.

I'm lucky.

Into the Unknown

Firstly, Patience went well, good reviews and a highly enjoyable time for the cast and also the audience according to feedback.

But whilst all that was going on I've been having hospital appointments. I need to apologise here to AJ who I saw Saturday but couldn't tell about this as my mum was nearby and I didn't want her to overhear.

Last friday I was given the result of my recent opertion. I had a sertoli cell tumour. Somewhat rare. It was malignant. So, I had cancer but do I have it still?

Now I have another round of appointments starting tomorrow at which I will have a CT scan. Never had one so it will be interesting. By Friday I'll know whether it spread or not and what they propose to do as I will almose definitely be having an operation either to remove or to prevent any spread from now.

Yhe only people I have told are Marj, obviously, a friend at opera who asked how I was and has prostate cancer, and Marj has told Anne, our friend. After that, it's you lot. Once i have my final results on Friday or whenever, then I start telling family and wider circle of friends. I'm not bothered about telling anyone now except my mum. Not a conversation I hope I have to have. It'll be hard enough telling her it went well as she'll only worry for ever more. Indeed, the thought has just occurred as to whether I should tell her at all if I'm clear. Not sure. I probably will have to tell my brother if I find out that there could be a genetic link.

Anyway, what I'm waffling on towards is the fact that if I am still playing host to cancer then I am going to start a blog that deals only with that.

In the meantime, once the shock had worn off and I'd told Marj, I'm in good spirits. I'm not the first to face this nor will I be the last, so onwards and upwards.

We open in Venice....

Well, not exactly, nor do we go on to Verona or Girona.

It is however show night. 5 performances in 4 days of Gilbert & Sullivans Patience. I'm playing Major Murgatroyd, my first solo role. A lot of singing, a lot of choreography, anf for the rest of the week, not a lot of sleep.

Expect things to be as quiet as normal around here.

Astral Breakdown

Science test at Ms school yesterday.

Question: Why do astronauts at the space station need to do weightlifting?

Young girls answer : They need to be strong in case the space station breaks down and they have to bump start it or push it back.

And now for something completely different....

40 years ago yesterday a new programme took to the airwaves. It consumed our playtime talk and like many people across the country led to an astonishing amount of re-enacments of "the Parrot Sketch", "The Lumberjack Song", "The Ministry of Silly Walks" and others.

Monty Pythons Flying Circus was here.

I'd like to say I was there at the beginning but I wasn't. It took a couple of weeks of playground talk before I got to see it. And of course it wasn't simple even then. Those were the days when you didn't have a television in your bedroom. I had to negiotiate being allowed to have that programme on, and not just that but negotiate an extension to bedtime to see it all. I was 12. 12 years olds in 1969 didn't stay up half the night looking at the internet, they went to bed at a sensible time, particularly on school nights.

But I did see most of them first time round. My mum, grandma and auntie couldn't make head nor tail of it, which of course was only right, and thought it was a load of rubbish. Then one of Terry Gilliams animations came on, a pair of airmen I think it was with legs that whirled round and round as a song was being played, They laughed hysterically. They still thought the rest of it was rubbish but it did give me leverage to tune in every week and subject them to the rest of it.

No-one who was around then can possibly mention spam without either singing the spam song or listing the menu items from the sketch. You can imagine how confusing it's all become for us with junk e-mails then!

Going to Extra Time

Went back to hospital yesterday for the histology report following my opertion.

I now know I had a tumour. The problem is they don't know whether it was benign or malignant as apparently. and how typical of me, I had to have a tumour unlike any other they've seen before. So, it has been sent for further tests to a specialist medical laboratory. No-one, including me, seems to be worried as I have no other markers for cancer so I have a 5 week wait until the final result is in.

One thing that did happen whilst I was waiting to go in was a woman turned up for an appointment. The receptionist checked and said she had no trace of an appointment. They checked and rechecked. Eventually, a passing nurse said "Is this to do with headaches that you have?". "Yes" said the woman. "You need Neurology, not Urology!" came the reply. Let's hope she ends up with the right surgeons!

A Novel Idea

Marj is at church this morning and they have a baptism. When i looked at the list and saw the childs name it seemed to me that if ever I was going to write a novel I had the title.

The Baptism of Thomas Tooth

Now all I have to do is come up with about 40,000 words and it's in the bag. But what a great title.

I don't like pain, it hurts!

Not as tired or drowsy today as yesterday but the pain is a little worse as the anaesthetics administered by the hospital finally leave the system. I have three different painkillers in tablet form so I just have to remember in what order and at what time I am meant to take them.

I feel an excel spreadsheet coming on.

Sleeping Beauty

Was released from hospital last night and slept for 15 hours. Pain could be worse, could be better, but despite the forms and being told to bring money, I didn't have to pay for the pain killers so that's one good thing.

Back to sleep again soon i think.

Under the knife.

That's my bag packed, dressing gown, slippers, money for prescription and Paradise News by David Lodge to read whilst I wait. I would have blogged via mobile but they are banned and quite honestly I don't know how I'd have typed in a scream. Had my last food at 7 this morning and only allowed water from now until 11, then nothing.

In 12 hours time I should be back, a few ounces lighter than when I went in.

Hopefully I'll be back online this evening or tomorrow.

Free National Health?

I have my op next Tuesday. I was reminded by them today that if I need painkillers following the op I will need money to get them as I am not exempt from prescription charges. Twelve years ago they were free at discharge. Fine if you've got an ingrowing toenail but surgery where you are out for the count and you are going to have internal and external stitches should at least merit you painkillers for a few days. OK, it's only £7.20 but it sticks a bit in the throat when Labour go on about how they are the champions of the free health service.

How long before this government decide to charge for anaesthetic?

Wet Wales

Is there a wetter place in the UK than North Wales? I can't believe it.

Whilst I haven't spent ages there, possibly 12 days across three seperate visits, I'm not sure there has been a day without rain. Colwyn Bay would have been the venue for this years sea swim had I managed last week to find a half decent day. I'd have settles for cloud cover alone but rain as well wouldn't have made it too enjoyable, although I'm not sure why as I was going to be wet anyway.

I must have a search for old tourist posters of LLandudno. I'm assuming they say something like "Come to Llandudno, We have cloud, and rain on the hour, every hour."

Whether the proximity of Snowdonia causes the problem I'm not sure, but it has confirmed my suspicion that we would have been better off withou Wales and then when I lived in Birmingham it would only have been a short drive to the coast.

Back from the dead

Hurrah! I have a new modem which hopefully works now as my other decided to die a death. And not a moment too soon, I'm in hospital next Tuesday and the thought of a weeks or two's recuperation without access to the internet would have been unbearable. It was bad enough last week when I was in North Wales and couldn't connect for 3 days!

Dreadful postings wil now be resumed!

What a rare flower I am!

Woo Hoo!

I have a condition that is so rare that the urologist I saw today hasn't actually seen a case in his 37 year career. Not only that, there is a chance that I have a variation that make it even rarer!

Swine Flu? I spit on your swine flu!

Missing in action.

Long time no hear! There is an excuse though. For the last two or three weeks I have been suffering from a condition which has caused a certain part of me to swell up where no man wishes to swell up. And it's B painful! I'm on 7 lots of painkillers a day and it's still painful although there is a chance that I have got a secondary infection which is helping the pain along. Lots of hospital appointments plus operation to come.

Anyway, enough of that. There have been a acouple of things in the news I just wanted to comment on.

1) With the passing of Henry Allingham and Harry Patch I finally accept that WW1 is history. Now there is no-one left to tell the tale whose own eyes saw the horrors that faced both the British and Allied troops and the German troops as well. Harry was very strong in pointing out both sides lost good men and it was a tragedy for the entire generation of all the conbatant countries. Rest well with your fallen comrades, they have waited a long time for you to join them.

2) Harriet Harman is an idiot. I don't suppose for a minute that will be greeted as breaking news! Last week she was on about making sure there is always a woman in the top two positions in the labour party. When is she and the rest of the equality ilk going to fall off there high horse and realise there is only one criteria for getting a job and that is being the best candidate. No-one ever posed the question to her I wish they'd asked. Here it is;

Your 6 year old child suffers a major heart attack with a rare condition. Magda Yacoub, acknowledged leading heart expert, is unavailable to operate but luckily there are two other surgeons available. His number 2 is ready to go into theatre and peform an operation he has seen done on a few occasions, assisted in occasionally and knows he can manage. The other choice is a female heart surgeon, very good in her own right and destined to possibly be a top heart surgeon in a few years. She could operate but has only seen the operation once or twice and has never assisted. who are you going to choose. The best available heart surgeon or the woman to promote equality?

I'm sure I'd be hearing the cry that that is different. Yes it is. If you choose the wrong surgeon you have only affected your own family anf friends. If you insist on promoting somone on the grounds of sex, colour or creed just to even up the numbers in politics you are affecting 60 million of us.

I have no problem with women in power. I have had women bosses, I think Margaret Thatcher was a good PM, I don't even mind women earning more than men in a field. I just want the best person to get the job!

Right, off to take more tablets!

Remembered - Neville Bower

The man above was my hero. He had been a concert pianist and became a respected composer and between those two events he spent somt time teaching music in schools and I was very lucky to have been at one of those schools.

His concert days had been foreshortened by a car crash which had left him unable to use his left arm to the standards required, particularly by him. I suspect this interim period was a time when he was unhappy and unfulfilled but his influence on me, and I suspect many others, carries on today.

My love of music comes from his teaching. The fact I have returned to singing this late in my life is because of him. Whenever I have played that old dinner party game "would you rather be deaf or blind" I always choose blind as I cannot conceive being in a world where I can't hear music. There has probably not been a year gone by in the last 40 where his name hasn't cropped up on many more than one occasion.

How often have I thought about contacting him to thank him, I had an e-mail address,
but I never did as I suspect that it would have reminded him of a time when he wasn't at his happiest. If I had tried during his illness with cancer and not received a reply I would have been selfish in being upset as I wouldn't have known then that he was ill. So I'm glad I didn't try even though i'll never get the chance to tell him what a great man he was.

It is 40 years ago this year since I had my first performance with the school choir, it was Handels Messiah. I have been toying with joining a local choir who are performing it this December. I think I should get off my a*** and go perform it, not just becuase I like the piece, but in memory of him and as a thankyou for giving me something that has stayed with me since the first days I met him.